Marriage Advice for the Bride-to-Be
Congratulations! You said yes to the one you love the most, and now you are planning the wedding of your dreams! You and your future spouse will spend the next few months preparing for one of the most important events in your life (and hopefully a fantastic and glorious honeymoon!). While it is easy to get caught up in the planning and appointments, do not forget the more important part of the best day of your life. Yes, the flowers, dress, location, favors, dinner, and music are all important. But the “best day ever” is only twenty-four hours of partying. Your marriage, on the other hand, is forever. This one day will hopefully be all that you anticipate it to be, but do not get lost in the planning and forget to prepare your heart and mind for what is most important: walking the rest of your life beside the one you love.
As a bride to be, there are a lot of new and exciting changes that will be taking place. Not only will you now be the caretaker of a household, but you will also be part of a unit. Your role as a “dancing queen” will be to help you and your spouse transition into a lifetime of the quick step. As a couple you will have to learn how to dance with one another in a duet of sorts. You will each need to know the steps of the other but be able to coordinate those steps into a smooth and fluid dance. On the other hand, though, you will still want to be to individuals practicing your own solos. This is not necessarily a bad thing. After all, a strong and healthy relationship involves two independent people who are committed to becoming one unit functioning together. It will be a challenge to under take, but it is one that, once learned, is like riding a bicycle. It will simply come naturally.
Give and take
Marriage is about giving and taking in equal proportions. For a wife, this often means our giving comes in the form of meals, laundry, attention, and physical intimacy. Our giving is not limited to these things, but these are the ones most frequently sought after. In return, you will be given attention and time, both with your spouse and without. Some of the greatest moments of being a wife will be those in which you are alone and enjoying the solitude and peace of partnership. A healthy marriage should be free of doubt or guilt when one or both individuals choose to spend time away from the other. This time apart should not outweigh time together, but each person should feel free to engage in interests outside of the marriage.
Wills not cans
It is a grave mistake to expect an immediate response if you ask your spouse a ‘can’ question rather than a ‘will’ question. A ‘can’ question is one in which you might ask if he or she can do something. Obviously, if you are asking, they are physically and mentally capable of doing so. Rather than leave it up to chance, clarify your request by using a ‘will’ statement rather than a ‘can’ statement. This simple change in language can not only improve your ability to communicate with your spouse, but it can also change how your requests are received. Rather than feeling demanded or required to do something, a spouse will likely feel as if he or she has been given a choice… Even if that is not necessarily the case!
Damsel in distress
As a woman, you have likely spent much of your life being independent and willing to care for yourself. As a wife, you will now have two or more people to care for (depending on whether or not you choose to have children). This does not mean you have to be superwoman (although you very well maybe). Instead, this gives you the opportunity to play the damsel in distress. There was likely time in your relationship when you felt swept off your feet by your husband to be. Why not let that feeling continue by providing your spouse the opportunity to be your protector? Yes, as a strong, independent woman, you are definitely capable of handling those things on your own. But it might do your relationship good to make a habit of allowing your spouse to play the role of a rescuing Prince every once in a while.
The best advice for a bride to plan the wedding she has spent years dreaming of, is simple: look forward to the future rather than focusing all of your energy on one day. Your wedding is short-lived, but your marriage is lifelong.
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