How to Manage Expectations for Newly Married Couples
Some couples have separate cars, checking accounts, laptops, and TVs. Some couples walk in the bathroom while the other is still using it. Newly married couples often observe mature couples living a life in perfect harmony and often dream of being in such a trustful relationship.
Just as a marriage begins, both individuals often have very high expectations from the relationship and their partner.
Some of these common marriage expectations can be enforced as the relationship evolves, but there are other presumptions, which are entirely unrealistic. Some of these expectations come from all the ideas and concepts we are continuously fed through the media.
Adults have their fair share of romantic alliances before they get married. As our quest to find the “right one” continues, we develop assumptions and presumptions of the qualities of that person.
Once the alliance of marriage is complete, people expect the other person to be just as enthusiastic about the relationship as we are.
In reality, that does not happen.
How to manage expectations after marriage
Adjusting to marriage and managing five areas of expectations is not easy. After all, the modern version of marriage is quite different from what it once used to be.
Everybody is in the relationship for one reason or the other.
For some, that reason is love, and those are the ones that are the most successful in this relationship.
But, there are people who marry not with the main intention of finding love. These people face the most challenges in their marriage. The sad part is that their partners do not find until it is too late.
Marriage is now both an independent and immersive experience.
A majority of couples in the US are opting to be child-free couples just as much in love as their childbearing counterparts.
According to relations expert, Donald Jasper from Australian Master, “Modern couples are beginning to talk about relationship boundaries and presuppositions much sooner than their Gen X counterparts.” The main boundaries talked about are investments, control, and power.
The following is a list of presumptions which couples have, being newly married.
1. Time spent together
Newly married couples presume that the time spent with their partner will be marvelous. The truth is that when any two people get together and have a good time, there is an abundant effort which needs to be put in to make that happen.
Someone needs to decide the activity the couple will be doing together, how long the event is going to take place, and where it is going to take place.
If the same person makes the decision every time, it can be quite monotonous for the other person. Take turns deciding what you will be doing together. Give your partner a chance to wow you now and then.
2. Personal needs and interests
Everybody has some interests or hobbies which they like to pursue in their free time. Some hobbies are quite expensive to pursue. Other hobbies take up a lot of time. Your partner may or may not approve of your hobby if you are doing it at home.
For example –
If your hobby is listening to loud music at home, it might become annoying for your partner if you do not listen to the same genre.
A piece of important marriage advice for newlyweds – It is important to pursue what you enjoy but consider your partner perspectives as well. Agree to maintain privileges to allow your partner some of the same opportunities.
Being single gives you immense freedom to maintain your finances anyway you deem fit.
Nobody can tell you how much you need to be spending and where you need to be spending your money. Purchasing big-ticket items is just a matter of saving up for it and making the purchase.
One of the worst mistakes married people make is not consulting with their partner making big purchases. Your partner may or may not approve of your spending practices.
On the contrary, if you are the only one earning a living, you should consider giving your partner an allowance.
Discuss financial boundaries with your partner to avoid conflicts.
This is one of the helpful tips for newly married couples.
4. Household tasks
As the marriage begins, it is easy to ignore the condition of your room or the house of residence.
As time passes by, you or your partner will soon get frustrated of the other’s demeanor if it is not according to their liking. It is not a healthy expectation for your partner to expect you to do all the housework.
Negotiate the housework with your spouse and do not hesitate to seek help if the necessity exists. It may be possible that with the assistance of professional support, you and your partner can earn more.
Do not get into a position where you force yourself or your spouse to do chores which you detest.
5. Critical decisions
As the marriage begins, both partners are eager to satisfy their partner. Then one lovely day, you find out that your partner is going to be out of the city for three months. Your partner is leaving because of a work project, but they never bothered to consult you.
Deciding when to have a child or where to go on vacation are all milestones in life.
In the best interest of the institution of marriage, consider consulting your partner before making a big decision. If you do make a big decision by yourself, your partner is wholly justified in pushing the panic button.
Managing your expectations about marriage is hard, but you have to work it out with your partner.
6. Being sexually available
After saying, “I do,” nothing is stopping you from legally having sex with your spouse.
Even so, it is advisable to try to build a relationship first instead of becoming sexually active.
Initial sexual experiences for women are different from what a man would feel.
Women might get confused or have second thoughts on taking a second shot at what didn’t feel so enjoyable in the first place. Do not hesitate to openly discuss with your partner your sexual needs and expectations before calling it quits.
Do not force your partner to do or try something which they do not want to do.
Focus on developing a healthy relationship with your partner so that they also enjoy the experience just as much as you do.
7. Honoring commitment
Every unique individual is brought up with some morals and principles, which they are not willing to compromise. Over time, your partner will begin to understand your personality and character.
It is crucial to voice your concern if something is bothering you. Your partner has also committed to upholding this relationship.
Your partner also needs time to understand your likes and dislikes. Do not be inordinately rash on your partner if it is their first time. Try to find the middle-of-the-road and demand that your partner also be reasonable if you make a mistake.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.