Rekindling Romance While Getting Back with Your Ex

Could you rekindle the romance with someone who broke your heart and destroyed the trust between you? What if that person was your ex-husband or ex-wife?

Unlike most love stories that state how to keep the flame in your marriage, sometimes relationships emerge from the pain and betrayal of a failed marriage. Some don’t always get the fairytale ending they imagined, but who is to say that Cupid can’t shoot his arrow again and spark romance in the air?

Are second chances with an ex as bad as we assume them to be?

It truly depends on the circumstances. Toxic feelings and tension can’t loom over your second chance.

Relationships end in different ways, so in the end, it all comes down to your decision to open that door again. People will always talk and you may draw criticism from those who oppose the idea of you getting back together with your ex.

You may find yourself questioning your choices and weighing the pros and cons. That is okay.

You know how much you are willing to give and take with any relationship. Confidence in your choice is key. Is it okay to fail and try again, slowly beginning to know your former spouse and loving them like never before?

Cold eyes can become warm again, but it must be a mutual effort, of course. Getting to a comfortable point in the rekindling process is not easy.

Here is what I’ve learned from my personal experience of rekindling the romance with my ex-husband.

Taking a leap of faith

The important factor behind giving love a second chance with someone you had once been married to is simple: taking the risk and having faith. It all boils down to the fact that yes, your marriage failed once. But getting to fall in love again with your ex-husband or ex-wife means that you embrace the fact no relationship is perfect.

After all, you saw your marriage crumble before your eyes. However, it does not mean that love is dormant with that person.

Breathe. Relax. Take it day by day and enjoy the journey with that person if you mutually agree to pursue that road together.

No relationship is ever a guarantee and accepting that fact only justifies that every moment must be cherished- cherished even deeper when you’re giving love another shot. Keep the faith.

Set your boundaries

Okay, so obviously love fell through your marriage the first time. Whatever caused that disastrous path and pain between you and your lover is something that shouldn’t just be swept under the rug. This is where communication plays its part. You hear it all the time- you need to talk and understand your partner if you want it to work.

The same proves true when you are rekindling the romance with a former spouse.

Talk about what failed the first time and set your boundaries about what you will and won’t stand for.

Make sure you and your partner can discuss what sacrifices you are willing to take, as well as what you are not willing to compromise. You have the right to stand up for yourself because the pain you suffered before makes you more aware of red flags and no-nos the second time around. Do not be afraid to set your foot down.

Stop questioning yourself

What if it doesn’t work out again? What will people say and think? Could I really love this person again? Is this still meant to be? So many questions may be racing through your mind. Silence your doubts and go with what your gut feeling tells you.

Again, rekindling may never be an option you consider. But if it is and you see mutual changes and sacrifices have been made on either side, then you can only keep going forward.

Questioning everything will only bring you to the brink of insanity. So do yourself a favor and don’t let doubts and fear dominate your decision.

The worst that can happen is that it doesn’t work out. But at least you took the chance and discovered that, right? Find reassurance in yourself and stop worrying about nagging questions.

Continue exploring this topic

Talk to our Marriage.com AI Relationship Coach

Chat with me, ask questions and get help

Start Chatting

Marriage.com AI: Your Relationship Guide

Talk through what's on your mind.

Automated

Hi, I'm your relationship guide. What's on your mind?

YOU COULD START WITH

Can I rekindle romance with my ex?

How to rebuild trust with an ex-spouse?

AI guidance only - not therapy. In crisis? Call a helpline or Find a Therapist

Terms

Kimberly Gonzales Blogger

Kimberly Gonzales is a University of Arizona graduate with a bachelor’s degree in journalism. She has published articles for the Arizona Daily Star, as well as her own e-book. She enjoys hosting her podcast, Hush! You can tune into thehushpodcast.com. You can also find her blog at ... Read more rel="nofollow">thebookofkim.com. She is a mother and expecting another on the way! Traveling, enjoying concerts and burlesque shows, plus eating Mexican food are just some of her interests. Read less

Marriage.com Assessment

What Help Does Your Relationship Need Most Right Now Quiz

Reviewed byJennifer Schulz, LCSW

Backed by relationship science and evidence-based psychology, this assessment helps identify the area of your relationship that deserves the most attention right now, whether things feel strong or slightly off. Research shows that even healthy relat...

Questions: 20 | Last updated: Jan 23, 2026

Sample Question

When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

Take the Quiz Now