How to save your marriage when things go south in the marital paradise?
Every couple goes through ebbs and flows. There are days when the marriage is full of joy and hopefulness, and there are days when the marriage becomes overwhelmed with utter despair. You are hit by paranoia, as “my marriage is ending” echoes loud in your head.
What do you do when you are in a deep, marital rut and are desperately looking for ways to save your marriage ? Whom do you turn to for guidance? How can you save the marriage if the damage is cutting and deep?
For those looking for answer to how to save your marriage, here are useful pieces of advice and steps to save a marriage.
1. Self-care before spouse-care
Are you often plagued by disturbing questions like, “can this marriage be saved?”?, “is my marriage worth saving?”
Step one in things to do to save a marriage always entails self-care.
Sometimes self-care even precedes saving a marriage.
Before you can begin to address the struggles that have contributed to the marital duress, you must do your best to maintain or improve your emotional, spiritual, and physical health.
Begin with brisk walking to stimulate helpful endorphins. Seek the aid of a caring counselor to help you process the pain and grief. Engage in prayer or spiritual direction to help you becoming “centered” for the difficult road ahead of you.
2. Move on to the partner
With your self-care in good hands, it is helpful to address the marital issues with your estranged spouse.
How to save a failing marriage?
Steps to a better marriage include using “I first” language, articulate the marital issues as you see them.
Practicing active listening, afford your spouse an opportunity to offer their impressions of the marital difficulties.
If you and your spouse are able to engage in this procedure with minimal difficulty, it may indicate that you have the tools in place that will help you both move beyond the duress and save your marriage.
If mutuality is a burden, immediately seek the counsel of a licensed family therapist who will handhold you through the steps to save your marriage.
The best way to save a marriage is to engage the assistance of trusted friends who could help facilitate further discussion between you and your spouse.
3. Abuse and its damage
After having exhausted ways to save your marriage, do you often wonder, when to give up on your marriage?
“My marriage is failing because of abuse” – if you have recognized that the bone of contention for feeling hopeless in a marriage is constant physical, sexual or psychological abuse, then you need to make a judgment call and stop suffering in silence.
If abuse in one or all of its forms has crept into the marriage relationship, it is important to create a safety plan and leave the marriage as soon as possible instead of looking for avenues to save your marriage.
While conversation and the prospect of a renewed relationship can buoy your hopes, abuse can never be tolerated. An abuser who is unwilling to seek help for the abuse on his or her own, will continue the cycle of abuse indefinitely.
By all means, be good to yourself and protect your future. No marriage is worth saving if the dynamics of the marriage erode the health of one or both partners. Saving a failing marriage should never supersede your well being.
4. Make “We” the operational word
If you were to ask yourself honestly, do you find yourself bulldozing your partner’s opinions, because you want to stand right? Or have you been feeling embittered because your spouse razed your dreams in their bid to meeting their goals?
Instead of making marriage a practicing ground for one-upmanship, bring back the focus on relationship. Operate as a team, where neither of you wins or loses. Where you are against a problem in marriage and not set against each other as opponents. Empower your relationship by doing what is in the favor of your marriage, as opposed to what proves you right.
Don’t let apathy raise its ugly head in your relationship. Work at making your partner feel heard, validated and appreciated.
You can save a failing marriage by turning differences as a learning ground to unravel more about your partner and reconnect at a more intimate level.
5. Be the change you want to see
What to do when your marriage is failing? Remember, a relationship is a cumulative of two individuals’ hard work, commitment and efforts.
When a marriage goes kaput, it is the lack of efforts from both sides that lead to an early obituary of a happy marriage.
You wish to see your partner making changes in themselves that will help in building a healthy marriage. But constant nitpicking, blame game, and harsh criticism will leave your partner with little or no motivation to contribute to a happy relationship.
One of the ways to save a marriage from divorce is to take the focus away from your partner’s shortcomings, and center the energy at leading by example. Keep working on yourself, and you will soon see the results reflecting, where unhealthy relationship patters are broken and a marriage is salvaged.
Take an honest appraisal of your contribution to the growth of marriage, and commit to doing your share of the work to restore a broken relationship and save your marriage.
If all of this sounds too overwhelming, there is no harm in reaching out to a certified expert who will help you to see through the conflict riggers and toxic emotions in your relationship and take corrective actions to save your marriage. Alongside or instead of the professional help, it would be a good idea to take up a credible online marriage course together to learn more about building a happy marriage and overcoming marital challenges.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.