17 Telltale Signs You Are in a Queerplatonic Relationship

In a world where relationships defy traditional labels and boundaries, the concept of queerplatonic relationships (QPRs) offers a refreshing perspective. These relationships are characterized by an intense emotional connection that transcends the typical romantic or platonic relationship framework. 

Understanding the dynamics of a queerplatonic relationship can be enlightening for those who find themselves in one, as well as for individuals seeking a deeper comprehension of contemporary relationship structures.

What is a queerplatonic relationship?

A queerplatonic relationship is a deep and committed relationship that exists outside the romantic/sexual binary. It involves a level of intimacy, emotional connection, and commitment similar to a romantic relationship but without the romantic or sexual elements.

These relationships are not limited by gender or sexuality and are defined by the unique needs and boundaries set by the individuals involved. The term “queerplatonic” reflects the fluidity and the rejection of traditional relationship norms, emphasizing the legitimacy of all forms of emotional bonds.

Queerplatonic relationship examples like two best friends deciding to co-parent a child together or roommates who share a deep emotional bond and commitment to supporting each other through life’s challenges illustrate the diversity and richness of these connections. It showcases how individuals can form significant relationships that defy conventional categorizations.

Queerplatonic relationship vs friendship: Understanding the difference

While a queerplatonic relationship may resemble a close friendship in some ways, it is distinguished by its depth of emotional connection, commitment, and the mutual understanding of its unique status. 

Unlike typical friendships, QPRs often involve a level of commitment similar to that of a romantic relationship, such as cohabitating, raising children together, or planning a future together.

According to Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz, LCSW:

What makes queerplatonic relationships unique is that they defy the societal norm that views sex and romance as being part of long-term, committed relationships.

The key difference lies in the absence of romantic or sexual attraction, making these relationships distinct from romantic partnerships, which also explains queerplatonic relationships vs romantic relationships.

17 signs you are in a queerplatonic relationship

Recognizing the signs of being in a queerplatonic relationship can sometimes be challenging, as these connections often transcend traditional relationship boundaries. 

If you’re exploring the nature of your close relationships and wondering if they might be queerplatonic, these 17 signs of a queerplatonic relationship can help you. Here’s a queerplatonic relationship checklist that can help you identify the unique features of your bond with your queerplatonic partner.

1. Deep emotional connection

Your relationship is marked by an emotional depth that surpasses typical friendships. This profound bond is characterized by an unparalleled level of understanding and empathy, setting the foundation for a connection that defies traditional categories.

2. Commitment without romance

You share a commitment reminiscent of romantic relationships, involving deep emotional support and shared life goals, yet it exists without romantic or sexual elements. This commitment underscores the unique nature of your bond.

3. Living arrangements

Choosing to cohabit with your queerplatonic partner signifies more than convenience. It reflects a desire to weave your lives together intimately, highlighting the importance of your connection beyond conventional friendship or romance.

Jenni Schulz highlights that:

This is more than just having a close friend as a roommate; you’re actually choosing this person as somewhat of a life partner because you will be sharing emotional space, daily responsibilities, and possibly even future plans in a way that resembles a committed relationship.

4. Public perception confusion

The intensity of your bond often leads others to misconstrue it as romantic. This misunderstanding underscores the depth of your connection, which exists powerfully outside romantic norms.

5. Non-traditional priorities

Your queerplatonic partner holds a primary place in your life, often above romantic partners. This prioritization reveals the unique and indispensable role they play, highlighting the special nature of your relationship.

6. Physical affection

The physical closeness you share, like cuddling or hand-holding, signifies a level of intimacy and comfort unique to your relationship. This affection is distinct from romantic or sexual gestures, rooted in deep emotional connection.

7. Future planning

Making long-term plans together, from living arrangements to life goals, demonstrates the depth of your commitment to each other. This forward-looking perspective is a testament to the central role your relationship plays in both of your lives.

8. Shared responsibilities

Engaging in shared responsibilities, whether financial, household, or emotional, signifies the depth of your partnership. This mutual commitment to supporting each other in practical ways strengthens your bond. 

It distinguishes it from conventional friendships, highlighting the unique interdependence at the heart of your queerplatonic relationship.

9. Emotional support

Your relationship is characterized by unparalleled emotional support. You are each other’s primary source of comfort and encouragement, especially in challenging times. This level of support surpasses what is typically found in friendships, emphasizing your profound bond and reliance on each other.

10. Understanding and respecting boundaries

A clear understanding and respect for each other’s boundaries is essential in your relationship. This mutual respect for personal space and exclusivity ensures a healthy and sustainable connection, differentiating it from other types of relationships and highlighting the importance of communication and respect.

11. Intentional communication

Open and intentional communication about your relationship’s dynamics is vital. You ensure you are on the same page by discussing your feelings, expectations, and the nature of your bond. This level of transparency and understanding is crucial for maintaining the unique essence of your queerplatonic relationship.

12. Celebrating milestones together

Celebrating significant milestones and achievements together, much like romantic partners do, underscores the importance of your relationship. Whether it’s anniversaries, personal successes, or shared experiences, these celebrations reinforce your bond and commitment, further distinguishing your connection from a typical friendship.

13. Mutual respect

A profound mutual respect for each other’s autonomy, decisions, and life choices is at the core of your relationship. This respect is foundational, ensuring that each person feels valued and free within the relationship, which is essential for the growth and health of your unique bond.

14. Non-conformity

Your relationship thrives on non-conformity, embracing its unique nature without fitting into traditional societal labels. 

Such acceptance and pride in the distinctiveness of your bond is a testament to the strength and authenticity of your connection, celebrating the freedom and depth that come with stepping beyond conventional relationship norms.

15. Legal or ceremonial commitment

Some queerplatonic relationships are solidified through legal agreements or commitment ceremonies, mirroring the formalities of marriage without romantic connotations. This step signifies your bond’s deep, enduring nature, offering societal recognition and protection for your partnership. 

It underscores the seriousness with which you both regard your relationship, highlighting its significance and permanence in your lives.

16. Specific relationship language

Developing your unique terminology to describe your relationship reflects its special nature. Whether you refer to each other as queerplatonic partners, zucchinis, or another term, this language sets your connection apart from traditional friendships and romantic relationships. 

It’s a testament to your bond’s uniqueness, providing a way to communicate its importance and depth to others.

Watch this video where Emma McAdam, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explains the five love languages as part of the essential relationship skill series:

17. Handling challenges together

How you face life’s hurdles together reinforces the strength and importance of your relationship. Whether it’s personal struggles, external pressures, or the challenges of maintaining a non-traditional bond, your united front is a testament to the resilience and commitment you share. 

Such solidarity not only strengthens your bond but also highlights the central role your relationship plays in each of your lives, proving that together, you can overcome any obstacle.

FAQs

Understanding the nuances of queerplatonic relationships can lead to questions about their nature, dynamics, and how they fit into the broader spectrum of human connections. Here are answers to some frequently asked questions that shed light on these unique bonds.

• Are queerplatonic relationships like friend crushes?

Queerplatonic relationships go deeper than friend crushes, involving a profound emotional connection and commitment. 

While a friend crush might be based on admiration or a desire for closer friendship, queerplatonic relationships encompass a significant, sustained emotional investment and often a desire to intertwine lives meaningfully.

• Is there any kind of intimacy in queerplatonic relationships?

Yes, queerplatonic relationships can involve a significant level of intimacy, though it’s not sexual or romantic. This intimacy is emotional and sometimes physical, such as cuddling or hand-holding, reflecting the deep bond and comfort shared between partners. 

It’s a unique blend of closeness that transcends conventional friendship or romantic relationship boundaries.

• Can you be in a relationship with someone and be queerplatonic with someone else?

Absolutely. Queerplatonic relationships don’t adhere to the exclusivity often associated with romantic relationships. 

It’s possible to have a romantic partner and maintain a queerplatonic relationship with someone else, provided all parties understand and respect the nature of each connection. Communication and consent are key in navigating these dynamics.

• How do you address your queerplatonic partner or friend?

The terminology used to address a queerplatonic partner varies by individual preference. Terms like “queerplatonic partner,” “QPP,” or even personalized nicknames are common. The important aspect is that the term reflects the significant, unique bond you share, distinguishing the relationship from other forms of connection in your life.

In a nutshell

Queerplatonic relationships offer a unique and valuable form of connection that challenges traditional relationship structures. By recognizing and embracing the signs of such a relationship, individuals can better understand and articulate their experiences, promoting a deeper sense of belonging and acceptance. 

Whether you’re in a queerplatonic relationship yourself or just curious about the concept, it’s clear that these relationships enrich the varieties of human connections with their depth, commitment, and defiance of conventional labels.