13 Mindful Lessons to Learn From the Three Loves Theory

The notion that we fall in love only three times in our lifetime might seem like a simplistic take on the complex nature of human emotions. Yet, the Three Loves Theory, a concept that has intrigued relationship experts and romantics alike, suggests just that. 

This theory proposes that each love we encounter serves a distinct, pivotal role in our life’s narrative. It’s a fascinating premise that has many pondering its accuracy and implications. 

As we explore the Three Loves Theory, we’re compelled to reflect on our own experiences: Could this framework hold the key to understanding our romantic journeys? 

Is the Three Loves Theory true in the context of our personal lives? The idea beckons a deeper exploration into the significance and impact of each love we encounter.

What is the Three Loves Theory?

The Three Loves Theory posits that people experience three significant types of love throughout their lives, each serving a unique purpose. The first is often a youthful, idealistic love, sometimes seen as infatuation. The second is a more complex love, where lessons are learned from hardships and challenges. 

The third, regarded as the love we don’t see coming, is the love that offers a deep connection and acceptance. 

This theory closely aligns with the idea of 3 soulmates theory, where each significant love is seen as a soulmate serving different purposes. 

What are the 3 loves?

You may wonder what are the three loves a person experiences in their lifetime as per this theory.

The Three Loves Theory suggests that we experience three distinct types of love in our lifetime. The first love is often characterized by idealism and often resembles a fairy tale, centered more around how others see us or how we want to be seen. 

The second love is the hard love — one of the lessons, pain, and unmet expectations. It’s marked by intense highs and lows, often involving unhealthy cycles. 

The third love is the love that comes unexpectedly, without the idealism of the first or the turmoil of the second. It’s characterized by a deep sense of ease and acceptance.

How do these components combine to form different types of love?

The concept of love and its different types is a blend of various components like emotional connection, personal growth, life experiences, and psychological development. 

According to the fall in love 3 times theory, each type of love emerges from a unique combination of these elements. 

The second love, characterized by its tumultuous nature, often stems from a deeper psychological need to address unresolved issues, as indicated by studies on attachment theories in relationships. 

Finally, the third love, unexpected and genuine, arises from a mature, evolved understanding of love, often after significant personal growth and self-reflection. It’s a harmonious blend of mutual respect, deep emotional connection, and acceptance, marking the true essence of love.

13 lessons to learn from the Three Loves Theory

The Three Loves Theory, a fascinating concept suggesting that we fall in love three times in our lives, each for different reasons and with different lessons, provides valuable insights into our personal growth and understanding of relationships. Here are 13 lessons we can learn from this theory:

1. Idealism isn’t reality

The first love often comes with idealized expectations, resembling a fairy tale. It teaches us that real love is different from our idealized notions. Understanding this difference is crucial for forming realistic and healthy relationships in the future.

2. Self-identity is crucial

This stage, usually occurring in our youth, highlights the importance of knowing and loving ourselves first.

According to Christiana Njoku, LPC:

Maintain your self-identity and ensure you don’t lose yourself in a relationship.

It shows that our identity shouldn’t be solely defined by our romantic relationships but should be a reflection of our individuality and personal growth.

3. Love is not always easy

The second love, often filled with highs and lows, teaches that love isn’t just about the good times. It involves navigating challenges and conflicts, demonstrating that perseverance and resilience are key components in a relationship.

4. Understanding personal patterns

This phase often mirrors our own deep-seated issues, encouraging self-reflection. Recognizing and addressing these personal patterns can lead to healthier relationships in the future.

5. The value of vulnerability

Amidst the turmoil of the second love, we learn the importance of being vulnerable. Opening up and showing our true selves can lead to deeper connections and more meaningful relationships.

6. Letting go can be necessary

Sometimes, we learn the hard lesson that not all relationships are meant to last. Letting go, as painful as it may be, can be an act of self-care and a step towards finding a more fulfilling love.

7. Unexpected love can be the truest

The third love often comes when least expected. It teaches us that love can’t be planned or forced. When it arrives naturally, it’s often more genuine and fulfilling.

8. Acceptance is key

This phase is about unconditional acceptance, both of ourselves and our partners. It teaches us the beauty of being loved for who we truly are, flaws and all.

9. Growth is a shared journey

The third love often involves growing together with your partner. It highlights the importance of mutual development and supporting each other’s goals and dreams.

10. Communication is essential

Effective communication is the foundation of any strong relationship. This stage teaches the value of honesty and open dialogue in fostering understanding and trust.

11. Love should feel like home

True love should bring a sense of comfort and safety. This lesson emphasizes that love is about feeling at ease and fully accepted, creating a peaceful and nurturing environment.

12. Trust your journey

The Three Loves Theory encourages us to trust the path of our romantic life. Each love experience, whether joyful or painful, is a step toward finding the love that truly resonates with us.

Christiana Njoku highlights that:

It is important to understand that no two relationships are the same. Focus on your relationship lane and trust the process as it goes.

13. Love is evolving

Lastly, we learn that our perception and experience of love evolve over time. Each love teaches us something new, deepening our understanding and appreciation of what true love really means.

Psychotherapist and Cognitive Neuroscientist Jaida Suheyla Simone explores the concept of evolving in love and the role of Intelligence in our relationships. Watch the video:

FAQs

The Three Loves Theory presents an intriguing perspective on how we experience love throughout our lives. It raises various questions about the nature of love and our relationships. Let’s explore some of these frequently asked questions to gain a deeper understanding.

• Is your third love your soulmate?

While the third love in the Three Loves Theory is often the most unexpected and genuine, it’s not always synonymous with finding a soulmate. A soulmate is generally considered someone who deeply understands and connects with you on multiple levels. 

Whether the third love is a soulmate depends on the depth and quality of the connection rather than the sequence in which they appear in your life.

• What is the deepest form of love?

The deepest form of love is often characterized by a profound emotional connection, unconditional acceptance, and mutual respect. It transcends physical attraction and surface-level affections, rooted in a deep understanding and appreciation of one another. This kind of love is selfless, enduring, and grows stronger with time.

• Is it true that you have 3 loves in your life?

The idea that everyone experiences exactly three significant loves in their life is more a theoretical framework than a universal truth. While some people may find this pattern resonates with their experiences, others may fall in love more or fewer times. 

The Three Loves Theory is a way to conceptualize different types of love we might encounter rather than a strict rule.

• What is the triangular theory of love?

The triangular theory of love, proposed by psychologist Robert Sternberg, suggests that love is composed of three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Different combinations of these elements form various types of love experiences. 

For example, a relationship with high intimacy and commitment but low passion might be characterized as companionate love.

• Is second love better than first?

Whether the second love is better than the first varies greatly from person to person. The second love is often where we face challenges and learn important lessons about ourselves and relationships. 

For some, this might make it more significant or valuable, while for others, the simplicity and innocence of the first love hold a special place. Each love experience has its own value and lessons to impart.

Life’s three love lessons

In reflecting on the lessons learned from the Three Loves Theory, one might wonder how these experiences have sculpted their journey in love and life. 

Have the joys and pains of each love taught you resilience, understanding, and self-awareness? Do these loves mirror your growth, reflecting how you’ve evolved in your capacity to give and receive love? 

Considering these questions can offer profound insights into not just our romantic relationships but also our inner selves. Ultimately, each love story we live through is a chapter in our personal growth, teaching us invaluable lessons about who we are and what we truly seek in a meaningful connection.