Managing the Spouse Suffering from Sensory Processing Disorder

Does your partner find ways to “ruin” important events?

Do they complain about the brightness of the lights in the local movie theatre, the uncomfortable texture of your bedsheets, the annoying and unpleasant scent of your perfume, and the sweat on their neck, which prevents them from going to the gym?

It may seem that they are purposefully trying to create drama and take pleasure in negatively experiencing events that should be enjoyable and pleasing.

You may hear that they can’t go to a baseball game because the seats are too cold, the crowds too loud, and the smell of beer too pungent. You may find that you often argue about this and resent including them in experiences that are pleasurable and meaningful for you.

You may feel lonely and frustrated by their lack of ability to meet your needs or share in the things that seem normal and exciting to most people.

When confronted, your spouse may seem defensive and unable to articulate why these experiences are so overwhelming for them and instead externalize blame; to the ballpark owner for not having comfortable chairs, to the airlines for not reducing noise and air quality on the plane or even to the restaurant owner for not knowing how to appropriately dim the lights.

If these challenges occur on a regular basis, your spouse may have Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).

For adults with SPD, small and sometimes not so small irritants feel unbearable and intolerable.

It makes it difficult to enjoy everyday things, like the smell of a new TV, the scratchiness of a beautiful new sweater, or even the sound of a high-speed train headed to Paris.

Sensory Processing Disorder is a challenging neurological condition which impairs one’s ability to process sensory information efficiently.

SPD affects how the brain absorbs information from our body’s receptors; our skin, joints, eyes, ears, nose.

People with SPD experience over-reactive processing, which can amplify the senses and create over-sensitivity to stimuli, resulting in sensory overload. To a person without SPD, a train is loud but tolerable, but to a person with SPD, that sound can be stifling, intolerable and even painful, creating anger and avoidance.

Common triggers for someone with SPD include:

• Scratchy labels and clothes
• Unwashed hair
• Sweating Spicy or bitter foods (think blue cheese)
• Strong odors 
• Loud noises
• Textured food
• High-wattage lights
• Intense sunshine or heat
• Loud music
• Dark tunnels
• Crowded elevators
• Condos or apartments with loud neighbors

These disruptions and escalations often make relationships highly conflictual and/or create detachment and greater separation.

If you think your spouse has Sensory Processing Disorder, it is important to seek medical/psychological help.

Dr. Jennifer Schulz, PhD in Psychology, states,

Sensory processing disorder tends to occur alongside other conditions, such as ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, or obsessive-compulsive disorder. This means that seeking treatment can help your partner get to the root of the problem, leading to a higher quality of life.

Physicians, occupational therapists, and psychotherapists trained in assessing for PSD can help. Once a diagnosis is made, working through the challenges of being married to a partner with SPD can begin.

Know that there are many effective strategies to manage SPD and that your relationship can improve with an accurate diagnosis and targeted treatment.

Dr. Schulz offers,

Your partner may benefit from therapy to help them cope with co-occurring symptoms like anxiety, and couples counseling can help you learn tools to manage the symptoms together.

Marriage.com Assessment

Relationship Test: What Help Does Your Relationship Need Most Right Now?

If your relationship feels off balance, if communication feels harder, connection weaker, or tension more frequent, this assessment can help you understand what’s happening beneath the surface. Grounded in relationship psychology and evidence-...

Questions: 20 | Last updated: Nov 18, 2025

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When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

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We often see things differently about goals or priorities

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Robyne Howard Psychologist

Dr Robyne Howard Psy.D is the Owner and Founder of Lakefront Counseling Group Ltd., a group practice with offices in the Chicago Loop and Evanston/Northshore neighborhoods. She is a licensed clinical psychologist with over 20 years of experience treating adults and couples with mood disorders, life... Read more transitions, chronic illness and couple’s conflicts. She completed her postdoctoral work at Ravenswood/Illinois Masonic Medical Center where she remained on staff for many years training doctoral and post-doctoral students and family practice physicians. She has consulted to numerous medical clinics, corporations and to small business owners. She is a Gottman Level 3 trained couples therapist using powerful and effective strategies to positively change relationships. In her work, she uses a strength-based approach to empower individuals to more deeply understand conflicts and challenges and to develop tools and solutions to help live a meaningul, balanced life. Read less

(Robyne Howard is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Chicago)