“Sometimes “No” is the kindest word.” – Vironika Tugaleva
Some time ago, I went for dinner at a restaurant with my ten-year-old daughter. The restaurant was almost full and they want us to go to their basement where their ambiance wasn’t very satisfactory.
I was about to say ok when my daughter Sachika said, “No we won’t sit there”, the manager accepted her decision and arranged a nice table outside their restaurant and we had a wonderful dinner under the stars and moon in an open space.
I liked my daughter’s quality to firmly stand for what she wanted and say a direct ‘No’.
Do you want your child to forfeit their desires to please others?
If no, then train them to be true to themselves, choose what is correct and stand up for what they really believe is right!
Teaching the child to say ‘no’ many times save them from pressuring friends (and their unfavorable demands), being too generous/ kind are often taken advantage of/ or granted for.
It also helps them to set personal limits by which they or others should abide.
Here are some guilt-free techniques for teaching them to say ‘No’
1. Edify them to be polite, respectful but firm in their words
I don’t smoke; I don’t go for any late night party, Thanks; I am afraid I can’t cheat/lie; I am not really into watching porn/playing cards/ mobile game, etc but thanks a lot for asking.
Firstly, they might feel stressed, guilty for refusing someone but highlight the positive points of saying ‘no’. For e.g.:- health benefits of refusing a smoking proposal or you can relax at home peacefully or enjoy your favorite movie on television if you avoid going for a late night party.
2. They don’t have to give a detailed explanation for their refusal
Just keep the explanation simple and to the point.
Sometimes peers/others don’t accept their ‘No’ in the very first time, so tell them to please tell ‘no’ even second or third time but little more firmly.
3. Never allow them to put their values or priorities at risk
Tell them to make their statement simple and to the point.
Instead of ‘I will try next time” teach them to say, ‘sorry I don’t smoke or drink, I have to turn down your offer”.
4. Train them to set personal boundaries
Boundaries will help them to decide what they can and can’t do (even in your absence).
In the worst case, Just walking away with a pleasant smile can do wonders for them.
Explain to them that saying ‘no’ won’t make them an impolite, self-centered and bad person.
They are not unkind or unhelpful just making decisions based on their discretion and values which will help them to feel controlled and empowered. It is better to say ‘no’ today than to be resentful tomorrow.
5. Make them responsible citizen
“We don’t inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children”- Chief Seattle.
Once there was an enormously greedy, selfish and cruel king.
Everyone in is kingdom were fearful because of his cruelty. One day, his favorite horse Moti died and the entire kingdom came to his cremation ceremony. This made the king exceptionally happy as he thought his citizens loved him a lot.
After a few years, the king died and no one attended his last rituals.
Moral of the story – Earn respect rather than demanding it by making yourself and your kid a responsible and a loving person.
Here are a few ways to raise a morally helpful and responsible child
1. Portray a positive image of our country.
I know there are many lope holes in our system, several drawbacks, and problems but let me ask you a simple question? If our mother has several limitations do we condemn it publicly or criticize it? No, we won’t, right? They why our motherland?
2. Be law abiding
Follow simple etiquettes like don’t jump traffic signals, pay your taxes regularly and stand in a queue. Beware- your kids are always watching you.
Support your local, regional, national art and music. Take your kids to local theater, watch plays together in the nearby auditorium, visit museums and art centers together.
Volunteer your time and resources in helping the needy ones. Involve your kids too.
3. Lead by example
Respect your child, don’t honk unless urgent, donate blood, keep your community clean, don’t litter (even pick up the litter you haven’t thrown), switch off your cell phones or silent them when you are in places like school, hospital, banks.
Coach them to stand strong and firm against injustice or anything that is wrong. They should know to stand up for things or person they really believe in.
Donate their books, clothes, accessories, shoes, and toys to the orphanage. Take them along.
4. Attend any event for a cause with your child in your locality or city
Update your kids about all the latest happenings in your area, city, country and even in the world.
They must learn to treat everyone equally, irrespective of their gender, religion, caste, creed; financial background, profession, etc. in fact tell them about the values of other cultures and their beliefs.
Finally, teach them to care about the environment as we have only one mother earth.