Are you looking to intensify your connection with a loved one?
There are questions you can ask them to increase mutual affection. If you are looking for intimate questions to ask your partner, read on, and ask these questions to fall in love.
The research behind the questions
Do you know what are the 36 questions leading to love?
Research done by psychologist Arthur Aron and associates shows that after completing relationship-building tasks (36 questions that escalate in intensity), the closeness effect achieved was significant compared to the control group.
The very first couple that participated in the pilot study were researchers in a lab and didn’t know what it was about. They fell in love, and everyone in the lab came to the wedding a few months later.
The same happened for Mandy Len Catron, who tried it herself, and you can hear more in her Ted talk.
36 questions leading to love
Questions about love don’t have to start as intense or provocative to be effective.
Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
What would you constitute as a ‘perfect’ day for you?
When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Good love questions provoke open discussion. Love questions and answers can help you become closer because you share intimate details and be vulnerable in front of another person.
Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Name 3 things you and your partner appear to have in common
For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
Take 4 minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible?
If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
The best questions to ask someone you love are open-ended, allowing freedom of expression.
If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
What do you value most in a friendship?
What is your most treasured memory?
What is your most terrible memory?
What are the 36 questions that lead to love and generate intimacy?
Use these deep questions to get to know someone better. If you wish to know more about your relationship, ask love questions or try googling questions on love.
These are not questions to see if someone loves you, rather questions to fall in love with someone.
If you knew that you would die suddenly in one year, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
What does friendship mean to you?
What roles do love and affection play in your life?
Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of 5 items.
How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
As we go through familiarizing ourselves with the 36 questions that lead to love, we come to the more intense questions that make you fall in love.
The farther you go with questions to fall in love, the more you accelerate intimacy building between you.
Make 3 ‘we’ statements each, for instance, ‘we are both in this room feeling….’
Complete this sentence: ‘I wish I had someone with whom I could share…’
If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them.
Tell your partner what you like about them; Be very honest this time, saying things you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life
When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
After asking these final six questions to ask to fall in love, you can replicate another task done in the study – stare silently in each other’s eyes for 4 minutes.
Tell your partner something that you like about them already
What if anything is too serious to be joked about?
If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone. What would you regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item? What would it be? Why?
Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it.
Ask your partner to reflect on you and how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen?
Now that you know the 36 questions that lead to love, you can use them to grow more intimate with a person of your choice. In the study for 45 minutes, it took them to go through them and become closer to each other.
Follow your pace of going through questions as their intensity grows, and they become more emotional and thought-provoking. Take the time you need, sit comfortably, relax, and be ready to transform your relationship.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.