“Loving Intentionally”
There are 5 areas of loving intentionally we will look at when loving your partner, or spouse:
- The choice to love
- Loving with a purpose
- The motivation to love
- Loving while healing from a loss of what was
- Loving unconditionally
Loving your partner intentionally will encompass the willful momentum to withstand trials, and love through it all.
Making the choice to love
In life, we as individuals have options, and make decisions. We are introduced to our partner and our relationship develops in time (it just evolves). Love develops in this process of connection. It is from this connection that a union may occur. You choose love. You could stay and do the work in your marriage, or leave when times are hard. Be it chemistry, or channeled energy that brought you together; you opt to stay and love. It’s your choice. It’s intentional.
The purpose of loving
There is a reason that individuals create a bond, have nuptials. There are expectations, values, and morals that individuals live by. There are similarities and differences intended to complement these joint belief system. There is a goal in obtaining a spouse, being righteous in the marriage, working through the difficult moments, and living to love another day. Your purpose in love reflects your intentions.
Motivation to love
What is that driving force that thrust you to your partner? Recall how you gravitated towards one another. As yourself:
- What work has been done in the marriage?
- Why are you willing to do the work throughout the marriage?
- What worked in the past for you?
- What will you work on to build cohesion in the marriage?
You have a recollection of this positive reminder of times past when you were inspired to love. You remember the I do’s and the vows you took.
Healing from love
Often in relationships, we unintentionally wound our partner, or we are wounded ourselves. Loving through healing means knowing there is a wound to tend to, nurturing the wound, handling it with care until it is healed. Individual wounds do not heal overnight. Patience is a part of the healing process. And so is hope. Love completely until you have truly recovered.
Unconditional love
There are no contingencies when loving your partner. There is no room for quid pro quo (this for that). Although, it is a partnership and both parties strive to do their part, this is not a game of winning individually. This union means loving intentionally despite what things look like. Surrendering with the duty to love your partner’s self – flawed and without judgment.
Remember, you begin loving, you continue loving, and you end loving your partner intentionally through the test of time.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Janelle is an experienced psychotherapist, she established Life Balance Counseling private practice in Aurora, Colorado August 2011. She works with a vast population. She specializes in anxiety, grief, loss, ADHD, and relationship conflict. She guides clients so they may achieve balance in their lives by accessing resources, fostering healthy relationships, managing stress, using healthy coping skills, sustaining self-worth, and value. She completed her master’s degree in Counseling from Regis University. She is a member of the American Counseling Association, Rho Upsilon Chi- Chi Sigma Iota, and the Colorado Black Chamber of Commerce.
