As it is generally known, divorce can be very intense and brutal. Divorce indicates the end of something big; it can seem like all the hard work and dedication you had put into a relationship has gone to waste.
The truth about divorce is that it does signify the end of something big, which if not handled carefully, it can change your entire world. Divorce is hard.
Every divorce is different and every person’s reaction to divorce is different. But the common thing among all divorces is that marriage, which once brought joy in the couples’ lives, is at its end. Unless you had once experienced a divorce before, it is quite difficult to know what you’re in for or how you will feel.
While the fundamentals of divorce are well known to most people—we all have learned from someone who has gone through a divorce, watched a movie about it, or read a book—the real messy truths about divorce aren’t as well known through other people’s personal experience, movies or even books.
The biggest truth about divorce is that you can’t ultimately prepare for this great change in your life, but there are some things you need to know to know. Here are 11 brutal truths about divorce that no one actually tells you.
1. Even if you are over your partner, divorce will be painful
Experiencing a divorce is very hard even if you are prepared for it.
If you’ve asked yourself these questions -How to know when to divorce? And how to know when divorce is right? Then know that these are not questions you will find answers to overnight.
You know being with your ex can be toxic and harmful to your physical and emotional health, so you do the right thing by deciding to break away from them via divorce.
But the truth about divorce is that it is still hard due to the legal battles; going to court to settle or resolve some things is hard and socially people don’t know what to say whenever they see you. You should be prepared for hard times and rough emotions if you want a divorce.
2. Divorce does not make you instantly happier
The major reason you divorced your partner in the first place is that you were no longer happy in the marriage, but going through a divorce doesn’t make you happier. However, divorce and happiness are mutually exclusive.
The truth about divorce is that most people feel freer after the divorce but it never makes them happier right away. After a divorce, you may feel like you have lost a part of you.
3. If your spouse can’t wait to get divorced, they may have someone else already
How do you know when to divorce? Don’t miss the red flags if you find your spouse acting restless and hasty about divorce. It’s time you understand that there is no hope for rebuilding the relationship and gracefully step back.
The most crucial reason why your spouse may rush to divorce you is that they may have someone else in line. There may be somebody ready to take your place in the marriage, even though you might not know about this new person yet.
Be ready to face the fact that your spouse is seeing someone else, and may even be serious enough to divorce you.
4. A few family members and friends will desert you
A possible truth about divorce is that at first, most of your ex’s family and friends may isolate you since you are divorced. Even if you’ve become too close to your spouse’s family and friends, right after the divorce, they may cut bonds. Being close with someone that has divorced your friend or family member can be hard and awkward.
5. Divorce brings out the evil in people
Divorce often means child custody and who gets what financially. This is the truth about divorce. It can be painful and bitter. But inevitable.
Those are two things that can cause nice people to do horrible things: money and children. As a result, in the fight over who gets what, a lot of ugliness can come out.
6. You don’t have to wait for the divorce to be final to make changes in your life
Apart from knowing when to divorce, it is important that you accept that you have to bring some transformational changes in your life.
Divorce comes about because something isn’t working well in the relationship. So why do you have to wait until after the divorce to fix what is not working right? Work with what you have now.
7. Your finances will totally change
You will find it very hard to be digging into your finances, especially if you were in the traditional role of being the party who did not pay the bills. Although you get to be independent this way, the truth about divorce is that it can lead to a compromised lifestyle.
In the list of “what to know about divorce” things, remember that you may need to have a nest egg well planned in advance if you are going to start living separately post-divorce.
The truth about divorce is that you have to start from scratch. It is liberating but tedious.
8. You may not trust people anymore
After a divorce, you have the mentality that all men/women are the same and they will end up ditching you. You don’t trust what people say. The truth about divorce is that it can make you lose confidence in people and their words.
9. Many divorced couples get back together later
Irrespective of how hard it is to get a divorce, many divorced couples are still drawn to each other and after a long time of separation and thoughts, they can ultimately fall back in love and reconcile.
10. You are bound to make the same mistakes
After you get divorced, you will definitely find that people who are just like your ex are drawn to you. The truth about divorce is that you might be stuck in the same vicious cycle of choosing a wrong partner.
Whether they’re attracted to you or you subconsciously seek them out, you need to make a conscious effort to correct the pattern or the same story will repeat itself.
11. Divorce isn’t the end for you
There is one thing about divorce that you must embrace. Divorce is not the end of life for you.
Divorce will hurt you and it will be very painful, and that is an inevitable truth about divorce. It may even be shameful and of course, it will be heart-breaking.
But despite all the hard stuff you have to face during the divorce process, you will still overcome it. Hopefully, these insights will help you if you find yourself scouring for “what I need to know about divorce”.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.