What Is Shrekking? The Dating Trend Explained

“He’s not really my type.”
“Isn’t that the point? At least he won’t break your heart.”

After a painful breakup, playing it safe can feel like the smart move. Lately, there’s even a name for it, and it’s all over social media.

Shrekking is a dating trend where someone purposely dates a person they see as less attractive, hoping that partner will be more loyal, grateful, or less likely to hurt them. It’s an understandable impulse, but it rarely delivers the safety it promises.

This guide covers where the term comes from, why people try it, what to do if you’ve been “Shrekked,” and healthier ways to protect your heart.

Shrekking Meaning: Where The Trend Comes From

The term borrows its name from the 2001 animated film Shrek, about a gruff ogre who wins the heart of a princess. The slang spread on TikTok through August 2025 as people copied one creator’s viral video and the media picked it up.

Merriam-Webster describes it as purposefully dating someone you consider unattractive, or less attractive than you’d normally choose, on the theory that they’ll be a kinder and more caring partner. 

There’s a flip side, too. Being “Shrekked” means getting treated poorly by the very person you chose to date for that reason.

The urge usually comes from wanting to feel safe, not from bad intentions. Still, it rests on an assumption worth questioning: that looks can predict how someone will treat you.

Looks may matter less once you really know someone

Shrekking Vs. Being Open-Minded In Dating

Giving someone a chance isn’t the same as dating down. The difference usually comes down to intent.

If you’re dating someone outside your usual “type” because you genuinely like them, that isn’t the trend. That’s being open.

5 Reasons Why People Try This Dating Trend

Shrekking in relationships usually starts from a real need, like wanting to feel safe or valued. Here’s what often draws people to it, and what to keep in mind.

1. They’ve been badly hurt before

After a painful breakup or betrayal, dating someone you see as less attractive can feel like a safety net. The thinking goes that they’ll be more grateful, more loyal, and less likely to leave. It’s an understandable way to protect a heart that’s still healing.

• But, remember: Looks don’t predict loyalty or kindness. Anyone can hurt you, so how someone treats you matters far more than how they look.

2. They want to feel in control

Dating someone you see as “below” you can seem to offer the upper hand. If you’re the one who’s more admired, the thinking goes, you’re less likely to be taken for granted or left. For someone who’s felt powerless in love, that control can feel comforting.

• But, remember: Relationships built on an imbalance often breed resentment on both sides. Healthy love depends on feeling like equals.

3. Dating apps feel exhausting and image-driven

Swiping through endless photos can make dating feel shallow and competitive. Choosing someone who isn’t conventionally attractive can feel like a way to step off that treadmill and focus on personality, kindness, or stability instead. It can also feel like a quiet protest against beauty standards.

Attraction still plays a role once people meet.

• But, remember: Focusing on character is healthy, but ignoring attraction entirely can strain the relationship over time. Ideally, you’re drawn to both who they are and how you feel around them.

4. They’re tired of feeling insecure

Dating someone you assume will admire you can ease self-doubt. Being seen as the “catch” can feel like a break from worrying whether you’re good enough, especially after rejection or a relationship that chipped away at your confidence. It’s a relief that can feel hard to give up.

• But, remember: A partner’s admiration can’t heal insecurity on its own. Without working on the original hurt, self-doubt often returns.

5. They believe looks predict faithfulness

It can seem logical that someone with fewer dating options will be more committed. If they’re grateful to be with you, the thinking goes, they’ll be less likely to stray or leave. It’s a belief that can grow out of being cheated on before.

• But, remember: Faithfulness comes from character and commitment, not appearance. And the other person may eventually sense they were chosen for safety rather than genuine interest.

How To Protect Your Heart And Move Forward

If you’ve been tempted by shrekking dating as a way to stay safe, or you’ve been let down by someone you expected to treat you well, these approaches can help. If you’ve been Shrekked, start here: it says nothing about your worth. Their behavior reflects them, not you.

1. Heal before you date again

Some people turn to dating down right after being hurt. Taking time to process a breakup, whether through journaling, friends, or therapy, helps you date from a place of choice rather than fear. You’ll be better able to spot what you actually want.

Try doing

• Take a set break from dating after a hard breakup.
• Talk with a friend, family member, or counselor about what happened.
• Ask yourself what you were hoping your last relationship would protect you from.

2. Get to know people before deciding

First impressions, especially on apps, are mostly about looks. Spending more time with someone, or starting as friends, gives you a fuller picture of who they are. Attraction can grow as you discover someone’s humor, warmth, and values. Slower can be safer.

Try doing

• Plan a few low-pressure dates before deciding how you feel.
• Notice how you feel after spending time together.
• Say yes to meeting people through friends, hobbies, or shared interests.

3. Look for character and attraction

You don’t have to choose between someone who treats you well and someone you’re drawn to. The healthiest relationships usually include both. Respect, kindness, and shared values matter, and so does genuinely wanting to be close to the person you’re with.

Try doing

• List the qualities that matter most to you in a partner.
• Notice whether you feel drawn to the people you date.
• Be wary of choosing someone only because they seem “safe.”

4. Be honest about what you want

If you’re dating someone mainly because they feel safe, it’s worth being honest with yourself, and eventually with them. Hidden motives can leave the other person feeling used once they surface. Saying what you’re looking for early builds trust on both sides.

Honesty can feel risky.

Try doing

• Ask yourself why you’re drawn to this person.
• Share what you’re looking for, whether casual or serious.
• If your feelings change, say so kindly rather than letting things drift.

Watch this TED Talk by Evan Marc Katz, dating coach, who shares practical tips for choosing compatible partners and avoiding disappointing dates.

5. Watch how they treat you, not how they look

Kindness, reliability, and respect show up in actions over time. Notice whether someone keeps their word, listens when you talk, and treats others well. These patterns tell you far more about how they’ll treat you than their appearance ever could.

Try doing

• Notice whether their words and actions match.
• Pay attention to how they handle disagreements.
• Watch how they treat friends, family, and strangers.

FAQs

Still curious about the trend? Here are answers to some common questions.

Choosing With Your Heart

Shrekking often grows out of a real wish to feel safe after being hurt. But looks can’t promise loyalty, kindness, or love. What protects your heart is taking time to heal, getting to know people, and choosing someone you respect and feel drawn to. 

If you’ve been Shrekked, or you’ve tried it yourself, be gentle with yourself. Every experience teaches you more about what you truly want, and what you deserve.

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