How Much Is Too Much in Relationships? a Barometer for Lasting Relationships
Mutuality and understanding are the engines of any healthy relationship.
But it takes more than just compatibility to form a lasting relationship.
Even the most compatible partners may not always see eye to eye because no two individuals are the same.
Therefore, to resolve conflicts and maintain a healthy relationship, sometimes you may have to give, sacrifice, and compromise.
What happens if you make too many concessions while your partner does nothing?
The answer is simple: you end up being discontented. If you give too much without receiving anything in return, you are likely to suffer more than your partner. It could lead to issues such as low self-esteem, codependency, anxiety, and hampered mental growth.
So, how much should you give in a relationship to avoid being the only one who is hurting?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to that question. It is not easy to determine exactly how much is too much and when you should refrain from taking actions to prevent an imbalance in your relationship.
Because every experience is different, you must analyze your state of affairs and reach a beneficial conclusion that fits your situation.
How much is too much compromise?
Altering your little habits and dispositions for a relationship is normal.
Compromising is necessary for relationships, but only if it serves both you and your partner. Change and sacrifice can work to the advantage of both parties, only if it is mutual.
Otherwise, one of you will inevitably end up hurting.
For instance, if both the partners favor physical intimacy over emotional intimacy, then it would not hinder your growth as individuals. But if one leans towards emotional intimacy and other towards physical proximity, then there will be difficulties.
With the hope of resolving the issue, you may compromise by upending your values and beliefs. Compromising to maintain the peace, while your partner continues to act and behave in a way that you are not comfortable with, is futile.
A relationship that demands to change the person you are is toxic to you. If, on the other hand, specific changes affirm you and your partner’s sense of self, a compromise is healthy.
How much is too much giving?
According to the NHS, you achieve a sense of happiness and improve your mental well-being when you ‘give’.
This principle works in romantic affairs as well. So to make your partner happy, you might be willing to give more by changing your lifestyle and giving up on things that make you happy. But if your efforts bring forth little or no fruitful reward, stop giving.
Here, ‘giving’ means to give gifts, time, and unconditional support to your partner. You may be tempted to give away too much in the relationship, just to maintain peace.
For instance, showing kindness in response to neglect may become a form of pampering that the other person can easily take advantage of. Giving second or third chances may portray you as a weak prey, a person that can be walked over.
Consequently, you may not receive as much empathy or care as you give.
A relationship that prioritizes one partner over the other is toxic. You will feel unappreciated and helpless.
You may become dependent or co-dependent or even lose sight of your own ambition and personal goals while you help your partner to rise. This imbalance is an injury to you, your partner, and your relationship’s health.
How much is too much company?
Spending time together is vital to keep the flame of any relationship burning and learning more about each other. However, if you spend most or all of your time with your significant other, you might feel suffocated and not enjoy his or her company anymore.
Making time to meet up once in a while is good for strengthening your relationship, but being overly attached will do the exact opposite.
You may run out of things to talk about and get bored of each other’s company. Also, giving up doing what we love for the sake of spending time with the significant other can lead to resentment towards the partner.
Spending time with each other is something you should look forward to, not a chore you want to avoid.
How much is too much space?
Like too much proximity, too much of space between the partners is not healthy as well.
A little bit of space or break from each other is good for the relationship, but there is always a chance for you and your partner to drift apart when the time alone or space is too much.
Giving each other space does not necessarily mean that both of you wholly avoid each other.
It would damage your relationship if you completely let go of each other.
If your partner has a history of being disloyal, you may need to reconsider the nature of your relationship. Space can be a chance for him or her to manipulate you.
On the other hand, if you and your partner mutually trust each other, space allows both of you to indulge in activities that you have not had the time to do. It can enhance your growth, resulting in your happiness that is beneficial for the strong bond.
You may find balance during this critical stage by discussing how you and your partner can maintain the distance, or when both of you should regularly check-in with each other.
How much is too much sharing?
There is a fine line between sharing and being private with your significant other.
A healthy relationship involves two confident and self-assured people who complement each other’s weaknesses.
In such cases, both parties trust each other and respect their privacy. However, if you or your significant other has deep-seated insecurity regarding your relationship, it is impossible to uphold the mutual trust.
Consequently, either one of you may tend to invade the other’s privacy with or without meaning to.
Crossing digital and physical boundaries are severe cases of breaching a person’s privacy. It damages one’s sense of belonging and has a negative psychological impact on the person.
With a sense of mistrust, anything could be taken out of context, resulting in misunderstandings.
According to Andrew G Marshall, author of My Husband Doesn’t Love me and He’s Texting Someone Else, spying on a loved one stems from a desire to control. So, going behind each other’s back will only propagate more negative elements in a relationship.
How much is too much financial support?
Money matters in relationships because of its ability to determine the nature of the connection between the people involved.
As different individuals, both partners may hold on to contrasting moral and ethics regarding money. Depending on the perspective you and your partner adopt, you may be setting a pattern that enriches or damages your relationship.
In a healthy relationship, even though both parties make unequal amounts of money, both partners contribute a specific amount to join forces. They have similar financial priorities, make plans together, and abide by their economic principles.
In contrast to this, money is not a joint effort in an unhealthy relationship.
Obscure and inconclusive discussions about money can cause unresolved tension between couples. One person may feel like the other one is riding his or her financial coattails.
This hurts the integrity of both parties and the relationship.
The bottom line is to maintain a balance, where both the partners contribute equally to the relationship while being considerate of the other and taking care of themselves too.
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