13 Signs Someone Is Seeking Validation at Your Cost

In a healthy and fulfilling relationship, both partners support and uplift each other, fostering a sense of emotional security and validation. However, there are instances when one person always seeks validation from their partner for their own personal gain, which indicates someone is using you for their own validation. 

This article will explore the concept of validation in relationships, the signs someone is seeking validation from their partner and using them for their purpose, and also provides guidance on how to overcome this issue.

What does validation mean in a relationship?

In case you are asking, what does validation mean in a relationship? Validation in a relationship refers to the acknowledgment, acceptance, and recognition of each other’s feelings, thoughts, and experiences. It involves demonstrating genuine care, empathy, and understanding, which helps in strengthening the emotional bond in a relationship.

11 signs he’s only using you for his own validation

Are you worried that he doesn’t actually show that he’s truly into you and just wants to use you as a status symbol in that relationship? Here are some signs he’s using you for his own validation.

1. Lack of genuine interest

The first and most common among the signs someone is seeking validation is less or no genuine interest at all.

If your partner shows a consistent lack of interest in your life, dreams, and aspirations, and only focuses on their own needs, it may indicate that they are using you for validation.

2. Conditional support

Does your partner only support and validate you when it benefits them or aligns with their own goals? If their validation is conditional and inconsistent, it suggests that they are seeking validation rather than offering genuine support. It is one more among the signs someone is seeking validation.

3. Dismissive attitude

If your partner frequently dismisses your emotions, ideas, or concerns, and belittles your achievements, it may indicate that they are using you to boost their own self-esteem by invalidating you.

4. Constant need for praise

People who seek constant validation and show ‘signs someone is seeking validation’ always exhibit an urge to be appreciated.

Individuals who rely on validation from others often seek constant praise and admiration. If your partner’s self-worth depends on your approval and they constantly seek validation, it may be a sign of a deeper issue.

5. Manipulative behavior

Using guilt or emotional manipulation to elicit approval from you is one of the clear signs someone is seeking validation and that they are using their partner for their emotional needs. For an emotional manipulator, the goal is often to gain control over another person’s feelings.

6. Lack of reciprocity

Healthy relationships are built on mutual validation and support. If your partner consistently fails to validate or support you emotionally, it suggests that they are primarily focused on their own needs.

7. Emotional distance

Genuine relationships see partners who are emotionally close to each other whereas when a person shows ‘signs someone is seeking validation’, they don’t become emotionally vulnerable to their partner.

Emotional intimacy is a vital aspect of any relationship. If your partner constantly avoids deep emotional connections and only seeks superficial validation, it may indicate that they are using you for their own emotional gratification.

8. Control and domination

People who need validation may exert control and dominance over their partners to validate their sense of power and worth. If your partner constantly tries to control your actions or decisions, it may indicate a validation-seeking behavior.

9. Lack of empathy

This is one more glaring one among the signs someone is seeking validation. Empathy plays a crucial role in validating one another’s experiences. If your partner constantly lacks empathy for your emotions or struggles, they may be using you for their own validation.

10. Lack of personal growth

When someone uses you for validation, they may hinder your personal growth and development. If your partner consistently discourages your growth or dismisses your ambitions, it may suggest that they fear being overshadowed by your achievements.

11. Shallow relationships

Individuals seeking validation often have shallow relationships and struggle to develop deep connections. If your partner shows a pattern of surface-level interactions and fails to foster emotional depth, it may indicate a validation-seeking behavior.

Ways to deal with someone using you for their own validation

Navigating a relationship where someone uses you for their own validation can be really disappointing and confusing. Here are effective strategies to cope with such situations and safeguard your well-being.

1. Recognize and acknowledge

Be aware of the signs of validation-seeking behavior from people who need validation

and recognize when it is happening in your relationship. Trust your intuition and pay attention to your emotions.

This video explains why a certain level of validation is vital for relationships:

2. Communicate openly

Instead of pondering over how to validate your partner, talk to them about your concerns and feelings. Express how their validation-seeking behavior affects you and the relationship. Healthy communication can lead to a deeper understanding and potential resolution of the issue.

3. Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries regarding what you will and will not tolerate in the relationship. Communicate your expectations and ensure that your partner understands the importance of mutual respect and validation.

4. Focus on self-validation 

Self-validation is all about acknowledging and making sense of your experience. Remember that your self-worth should not solely depend on the validation of others, including your partner. Develop a strong sense of self-esteem and self-validation by engaging in activities that bring you joy. 

5. Seek support

Consider seeking professional help for relationship counseling or therapy. A trained therapist can provide guidance and support in navigating the complexities of validation-seeking behavior and help you and your partner work towards a healthier dynamic.

6. Practice self-care

Prioritize your well-being by practicing self-care activities that promote self-love and self-validation. To stop seeking validation, engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself, whether it’s exercising, practicing mindfulness, or pursuing hobbies that bring you fulfillment.

7. Evaluate the relationship

Reflect on whether the relationship is genuinely fulfilling and supportive. Consider if your needs for validation and emotional support are being met. If the relationship consistently leaves you feeling used and undervalued, it is necessary to reevaluate it.

Additional questions

Remember that you deserve love, respect, and validation from a partner who values you for who you are and doesn’t leave you wondering “Why do I need constant validation?”. This section will help you to decode some more concerns you may have about validation-seeking behavior.

• Why does my partner need constant validation?

“Why do I need validation from others?” There can be various reasons why someone may seek constant validation from their partner. It could stem from deep-seated insecurities, low self-esteem, or a fear of failure. Seeking validation allows them to temporarily boost their self-worth and feel validated. 

• How do you use someone for validation?

Using someone for validation involves seeking their approval, attention, and validation solely to boost one’s own self-esteem or ego. It is important to recognize signs someone is seeking validation in a way to use you, so you can establish healthy boundaries to protect your own emotional well-being.

You deserve to be validated too

Seeking validation in relationships is a natural human desire, but when it becomes the sole motivation for being in a relationship, it can lead to imbalances and emotional distress. Recognizing validation-seeking behavior and taking steps to address it, is essential for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship. 

By prioritizing open communication, setting boundaries, focusing on self-validation, and seeking relationship counseling, you can create a relationship built on mutual support and emotional growth. To know more about validation-seeking behavior, you can take a course.

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Meghan Beverly Psychiatrist

Meghan Beverly is a wife and mother who has had her fair share of relationship fun and folly. She's looking to pass her experiences and wisdom along to help other couples... Read more on their road to marriage and parenthood. Read less