We humans have evolved as a society where the human corporation and love have become a necessity for a happy life.
Companionship and compassion are the key components and without them, nothing has value.
No amount to technological advancement holds any value if people aren’t compassionate towards each other. As I have grown over the years, from smartphone free childhood to now smartphone and social media dependant adulthood, I have felt the loss of human connection among people.
Social media was a boon in the beginning, but now it just brings out the worst in people. The true evil is when this digital persona is carried over in real life.
A sad story of a close friend victimized at the hands of a person whose malicious digital persona is carried over in real life.
Belonging from a small town and a very conservative family, she wasn’t a very bright child academically but compensated this with her hard work and persistence. She was a shy girl with a pure and honest heart.
After finishing her masters in India, she moved to Ireland for her second masters and better career options. Being alone in a foreign land, she longed for a human connection and maybe friends. This is the reason that made her vulnerable to all that was about to happen with her in the coming year.
The beginning of a virtual relationship
An online friend, few chats and then a meeting? Sound familiar. We all have done this and put trust into someone we found online, and she was no different.
She met a guy who seemed honest to her. His flattery made her fall for him in the following weeks. In her mind, she loved him and thought he did the same. We all know how this follows!
It was fine for a couple of months and then maybe he couldn’t keep up his good guy persona. He started asking for physical favors. But then, she wasn’t ready for such a big commitment. Not taking ‘NO’ for an answer, he started slowly but steadily shattering her self-confidence and morale.
A shattering experience
Criticizing her physical appearance at any possible moment, degrading her, comparing her with others and pointing out every little flaw in her. All this constant mental abuse made her lose her confidence. Not allowing her to go out with friends, having her cut all ties with other to make her completely dependent on him and then depriving her of even a moment of love.
He did all of this just to get her in bed. After months of suffering and abuse, she let him have his way.
This shattered her internally, both emotionally and physically. She thought she was doing all this for love and couldn’t see the faults in him. Maybe due to him being so manipulative and having no other choice, she kept on with him.
A week later, she was admitted to the ER due to a severe case of UTI. Why? Because of the intercourse. And the worst part, when she called him to visit her from ER, he yelled at her doing a drama for sympathy and not to disturb him.
Four days at the hospital alone made her realize he didn’t care for her and she decided to move away. But a week later, he came running and sweet talked her back. But, he knew exactly how much control he had over her and how dependent she was on him for any form of human connection. She was brainwashed by him into thinking he was the only person who matters and this could be due to the constant abuse she was facing.
Fast forward to a month
A month later, he went back to his old ways. Completely shattering her image and personality and manipulating her as he wished fit. He again forced her into bed on the pretext of marriage and a life together.
This time, she got pregnant!
Pregnancy isn’t a small deal. It completely changes a woman’s body, both physically and emotionally.
He wasn’t prepared for this one though and did his best sweet talk game when he got the news. He wanted her to abort the child as in his words, it would be an illegitimate child. He wanted her to abort the child and promised her to marry right after that and what not.
She believed everything he said.
The sad ending to the ambiguous virtual relationship
The day right after she took the abortion pills, he left the country on a vacation when she needed someone the most. She bled for days all alone and he didn’t even receive her calls. I don’t know how she survived, but she did.
But this messed her up. She went into severe depression and the reality drifted apart even more. When he returned, he simply refused to follow up on any of his promises.
Over the next year, she fell deep into depression, and no amount of help was of use. And he turned the story on her and himself became the victim.
According to him, she was the one who wanted the physical relation, she was the one who abused him and he never promised anything. Last month (January 2019), she attempted suicide by taking a few dozen sleeping pills. After staying unconscious for over 30 hours, she was rushed to the ER when her neighbor called the police when she didn’t open the door.
Even now he blames her for all that has happened and has also filed a harassment case against her for some reason, even though she is the real victim.
She is now fighting a battle at every possible moment to life. But even I know, she truly has to shine if she wants to get over this dark period of her life and move on towards a bright future.
Food for thought: Question every relationship you make online
Knowing all this, it makes me question every relationship we make online.
How can we know what a person is capable of? He may not have physically hit her, but the mental abuse he put her through was much more dangerous and at the same time, kept himself at a safe distance.
How can we stop someone from getting this much control over anyone? Is there really no guilt in his heart for what he has done?
It may not be easy to have these answers but earnestly hope and pray that she and every other victim like her get their lives back after such traumatic ordeals.