Let’s face it sex can get routine, downright boring after you have been married for a while. The same old routine.
The same positions, the same person initiating it, it’s like a movie that you have seen over and over again that you really never fully enjoyed the second time let alone the 5th and the 6th time. Sound familiar?
First of all, I want you both to put on your love lens. A love lens is a term I like to use that means to look at your partner with love and adoration. This is a lens that is unconditional, vulnerable, willing to give and open to receive.
Second, there is no shortage of changes that put the spark back in my marriage, what matter is how willing you are to find the best ways to get the spark back in your marriage or the ways to put the sexual spark back in your relationship.
Finally, if you are wondering how to bring the spark back to your marriage. Here are some ways to keep the thrill in your relationship
1. Know your partner’s body
Do you know your partner’s body? If I blindfolded you and had you feel three naked bodies would you know which one was your partner? Lay naked with your partner; touch, caress and kiss every part of them.
This is such a loving and sensual exercise. After you are done have them do the same to you. This exercise should create a desire for intercourse. Hold off until you have both explored each other’s bodies. Let the tension build-up.
2. Express your love
If you know how to use the right words you can drastically change things between you and your partner. Everyone appreciates being told that they are loved, and somebody truly cares for them. Well, your partner is no different.
You must remind your partner of all the things you love about them to make them feel appreciated and affirmed. Tell them how they have enriched your life.
3. Make compliments
Compliment your partner. Observe the little things that they do and tell them you admire their new hairdo or some new piece of clothing they just bought or maybe even tell them how much you enjoy their cooking.
It could be literally anything, mix things up but remember no matter what you say, it must always be said with sincerity and be genuine when making compliments.
You can also start by stating the obvious, which could be anything, like tell them how pretty they look, how much you love their sense of humor or maybe even how much you are inspired by seeing them being so driven in their lives and career or that you feel extremely safe next to each other.
4. Indulge more in kissing
Do you recall the days of heavy petting? When you would kiss for hours and that’s all you would do? Kissing is one of the most sensual things you can do. Close mouth, open mouth, sucking on your partner’s lips. Get lost in the kiss and see where it takes you.
5. Start to explore
Get outside of yourself and find out what your partner likes. Be vulnerable and express to your partner what you like. If you and your partner don’t know what you like, besides what you are currently doing, then start to explore.
6. Dirty talk
Do you like to talk dirty? Have you ever tried it? Tell your partner things you would like to do to them and things you would like them to do to you. This can be a great turn on for both you and your partner, by hearing the words and visualizing what the words are describing.
7. Set the mood
Create the mood. Create an ambiance of romance and sensuality in your bedroom. Light candles that smell amazing, put some music on have some massage oils nearby.
Please keep in mind that these are all just ideas and suggestions. Get creative and have fun with this. You can even plan that long-awaited romantic getaway you have always been talking about!!!
At the very least I want you to start having a date night if you are not already. Eat tacos from a food truck, get that dinner reservation at that fancy place that takes months to get. Mix it up. Get your favorite decadent foods, get in bed with a favorite movie and feed each other. Have fun, be silly and enjoy each other.
I want you to go back and remember why you fell in love with your partner in the first place. Remember those beautiful moments. Also remember that marriage is a beautiful, sacred union between two people. It is to be honored and cherished.
Within this union allow there to be love, romance, sexuality, sensuality, and fun. Enjoy each other, explore and always go back to the gratitude that you have a partner to spend your life with. How terrific is that!
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by Kirsten Louise Cantley