Are We Talking, or Just Prompting? Inside America’s AI-Era Marriage Confessions

From digital searches to silent struggles, how American couples are turning to AI instead of each other.

There are countless ways people use AI to improve their daily lives. Some use it as a notetaker. Others even use it to brainstorm recipes. However, not many people expected AI to become a marriage counselor for American couples. Contrary to this belief, thousands of married Americans are consulting AI and search engines before ever broaching issues with their spouses.

Drawing from a survey of 1,000 married Americans and results from a state-by-state Google Trends analysis, our findings reveal a digital undercurrent in modern relationships. From emotional avoidance to tech-facilitated introspection, Americans are outsourcing some of their most intimate struggles to algorithms. The findings raise an important question. Are we talking or just prompting?

Key takeaways

• 33% of married AI users said the tool “gets” their relationship struggles better than their spouse, and after using AI to talk through issues, 44% felt calmer and 38% felt more confident about what to do.
• 28% made a financial decision based on AI or online advice without telling their spouse, with men (35%) and high-income earners making $125,000 or more (25%) leading the trend.
• Nearly two-thirds (64%) of married Americans have searched for marriage help online before talking to their partner, with 1 in 3 saying they were motivated to do so because they feared “making things worse.”
• Digital sources like AI and online search are now the most trusted for relationship advice. They were ranked higher than friends or family (30%) and nearly twice as high as professional therapists (22%).
• In our survey, 44% of married Americans have used an AI tool for relationship advice, with usage climbing to nearly 65% among millennials. 
• Georgia, South Carolina, and Pennsylvania topped the list for marriage-related emotional search activity, with Vermont, North Dakota, and Wyoming having the lowest in overall search volume.

The rise of the AI marriage counselor

Other than the eternal bond couples make when getting married, marriage is also known for the inevitable challenges a couple will face together. Like any other inconvenience in modern day, though, many couples are using AI as a way to overcome these challenges. This may look like testing emotional language, questions, or boundaries with AI before sharing them in real life.

Nearly one-third of married Americans reported using AI for relationship guidance — a number that spiked among younger couples. Gen Z and millennials were nearly three times as likely as baby boomers to use chatbots like ChatGPT. Since younger generations have been more comfortable using AI in other aspects of their lives, like their workplace, it’s only natural that they turn to the technology for every aspect of their lives, including the more personal sides. 

Overall, though, these results in the survey reflect where people feel safe starting difficult conversations: with a machine, not a mate.

Searching instead of speaking

Before couples open up to each other, many first turn to the internet. The reasons often boil down to fear — fear of rejection, escalation, or being vulnerable. In the past, couples may have turned to family and friends, or even a therapist, as a sounding board. Now, though, many see the internet as a wider net they can use to fish for answers regarding their relationship.

According to our results, more than six in ten respondents admitted to seeking online information before discussing marital issues. The remaining respondents who sought out advice from friends, family, or even their own partners were dwarfed in comparison.

Of the respondents who used the internet for relationship problems, most searched for concerns about emotional neglect and communication breakdowns. One-third specifically cited a fear of “making things worse” by addressing the issue directly.

Even though many respondents used the internet, AI, or digital tools to gain advice for their marital problems, that doesn’t mean that they’ll take it to heart because they trust it. However, our data reflects the opposite. 

Nearly half of respondents said they trust digital sources more than loved ones when seeking relationship advice, and were nearly two times more likely to trust digital sources than a professional therapist. 

Regardless of the reason why couples do this, our survey results convey that most couples see technology as a trusted source when making significant decisions for their marriages.

Emotional avoidance by generation

While some older generations may refrain from using an AI marriage counselor due to a lack of familiarity with digital tools, another reason can come down to their struggles with expressing emotional needs altogether.

For instance, while boomers were least likely to engage with digital tools, they were also most likely to avoid conflict. On the other hand, millennials and Gen Z led in both AI usage and online search behavior, underscoring a generational comfort with mediated communication.

The U.S. map of marital search anxiety

While the use of AI, the internet, and other digital tools has become more common as a tool for improving relationships, it’s not universal everywhere. A 12-month analysis of Google Trends uncovered strong geographic patterns in emotional search behavior.

Even though Georgia has the 8th largest population size out of all the states, it ranked the highest for emotional marriage search volume. States in the South and Midwest dominated the top ten, with keywords revealing concern over both general and specific relationship struggles. Vermont recorded the lowest levels of such search activity, which may come from its low population, as it is one of the states with the smallest population sizes.

Can you trust a chatbot with your marriage?

Americans may be turning to AI for support, but that doesn’t always translate to action. Trust in digital advice is high, yet follow-through is inconsistent.

Thirty percent said they had taken real-world action based on digital guidance — a larger share than previously expected. Still, most saw AI less as a prescription and more as a prompt for self-reflection. For instance, instead of using a journal to organize their thoughts on their relationship, many will use AI. Likewise, many use AI to vent out their feelings, which can significantly save respondents from any untoward stress they may cause in their relationships due to pent-up emotions.

We can certainly see this in the data: after using AI to talk through a relationship issue, 44% said they felt calmer, 41% felt understood, and 38% felt more confident about what to do. Only 5% felt more disconnected afterward. Regardless of how respondents used AI for their marital challenges, many saw positive results within themselves afterward.

Gendered and financial gaps in digital trust

While digital tools offer new ways to process marital issues, not all groups use them the same way. Men were more likely than women to make secret decisions based on AI advice, particularly around money.

Among households earning $125,000 or more, 25% reported changing how they save or spend based on AI guidance without discussing it with their spouse. When high earners make financial decisions based on AI advice without telling their spouse, it reflects a deeper issue. Many marriage experts recommend that couples manage their finances together. If one partner uses technology to make financial decisions without the input of their spouse, it may cause even more conflict. 

Closing the digital distance

More couples are turning to AI and online search for support — not because they’ve given up on each other, but because they’re looking for clarity, reassurance, or a way to make sense of what they’re feeling. That instinct makes sense. Digital tools are private, judgment-free, and always available.

But they’re not a substitute for real connection. When used thoughtfully, they can help couples start conversations they’ve been avoiding or bring up concerns that feel too loaded to say out loud. The goal isn’t to replace each other or a marriage counselor with tech — it’s to use those reflections to get closer, not drift further apart.

Marriages are changing. So are the ways we seek help. What matters is keeping the connection real, even when the starting point is digital.

Methodology

This study surveyed 1,000 married U.S. adults across age, gender, and region. It also incorporated Google Trends analysis of 60 marriage-related search terms over the past 12 months across all 50 states plus Washington, D.C.

About Marriage.com

Marriage.com is a leading resource for relationship wellness, offering expert advice, courses, and tools to help couples build stronger, more connected partnerships. With a focus on emotional intelligence and real-world challenges, we empower users to thrive in every phase of marriage.

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Calantha Quinlan Author

Calantha Quinlan is a talented writer with a passion for exploring the depths of the human experience. Her writing is characterized by its raw honesty, emotional depth, and sensitivity to the complexities of life. Calantha’s work... Read more covers a wide range of topics, from love and relationships to personal growth and spirituality. Her writing is known for its ability to inspire readers to live more meaningful and fulfilling lives and to approach challenges with courage and grace. When she’s not writing, Calantha can be found indulging in her love for photography, capturing the beauty of the world through her lens. She also enjoys practicing yoga and meditation, which help her to stay centered and grounded in a busy world. Read less