13 Types of Liars in Relationships: How to Spot & Handle Them

I’ll never forget the moment I found out I’d been lied to by someone I trusted deeply. It was subtle at first—small inconsistencies in their stories, a shift in tone, and then… a sudden, overwhelming realization. It hurt. The realization that lies had quietly seeped into the relationship left me questioning everything. 

It’s so easy to dismiss little things, thinking we’re just overthinking it, right? 

But those small signs add up. The more I thought about it, the more I understood that there are different types of liars; some are obvious, while others hide in plain sight.

Why do people lie in relationships?

It’s painful to be lied to—especially by someone you care about. But the truth is, people don’t always lie to hurt. Sometimes, lies are tangled in fear, shame, or even love. That doesn’t make them right, but it does help us understand. 

When we know why someone lies, we can decide more clearly how to respond—with wisdom, not just emotion. Here are some reasons to understand why

• Fear of conflict: They may think that telling the truth will lead to an argument, rejection, or emotional distance. They lie to “keep the peace,” even if it causes long-term damage.
• Avoiding shame: When someone feels guilty or embarrassed about a mistake, they may cover it up. The lie becomes a shield against feeling exposed or judged.
• Trying to protect you: Some people lie because they believe the truth will hurt you more than the lie. They confuse dishonesty with kindness, thinking they’re “sparing your feelings.”
• Insecurity or low self-esteem: A partner might lie about their past, achievements, or feelings to seem more likable or stable. They fear the truth will make them unlovable or not “enough.”
• Habitual behavior: If someone grew up in an environment where lying was common, it can become automatic. They may lie without thinking—because it’s what they’ve always done to feel safe or in control.

13 types of liars in relationships​

In relationships, it’s common to come across different types of liars, each with their own reasons for bending the truth or hiding it altogether. Understanding these behaviors can help you navigate tricky situations with more clarity and emotional awareness. 

Whether it’s to avoid conflict or out of fear, some lies are told with good intentions, while others are meant to manipulate or control. Here are 13 types of liars you might encounter in a relationship and how to spot them.

1. The people pleaser

The people pleaser lies to avoid conflict and make their partner happy. They’ll agree to things they don’t actually want, hide their true feelings, or downplay their needs just to keep the peace. 

This type of liar often struggles with setting boundaries and fears disappointing others. While their lies might seem harmless, they can lead to resentment if their real feelings aren’t expressed.

• How to spot them: If they agree too quickly to things they don’t seem enthusiastic about, or avoid conversations about their own needs.

2. The compulsive liar

Compulsive liars tell exaggerated or false stories as a habit, even when there’s no real need to lie. They might tell dramatic tales to feel more interesting or gain attention, often without realizing the harm they’re causing. 

Over time, this type of liar can become difficult to trust, as their stories may constantly shift, leaving you questioning what’s true.

• How to spot them: Their stories are inconsistent, and they seem to exaggerate details or tell elaborate tales without a clear reason.

3. The avoider

The avoider lies by omission or through silence to avoid tough conversations. They don’t necessarily tell outright lies but will withhold important details to steer clear of conflict. 

This can create a sense of unease, as the truth feels like it’s being kept just out of reach. This type of liar may feel overwhelmed by confrontation, but their avoidance can strain the relationship over time.

• How to spot them: They tend to change the subject when something difficult arises or give vague answers instead of directly addressing issues.

4. The exaggerator

Exaggerators tend to inflate details to make their stories more compelling. They’re not outright lying, but they stretch the truth to make things sound bigger or more impressive than they really are. 

While it may seem harmless, constant exaggeration can erode trust, as it makes it hard to discern fact from fiction. It can also lead to feeling disconnected, as you may start questioning the validity of everything they say.

• How to spot them:  They often use phrases like “I swear, it was this big” or “You won’t believe what happened next,” and their stories always seem a little over the top.

5. The manipulator

Manipulative liars use deception to control or influence their partner’s behavior. They might twist the truth, withhold information, or lie to shift blame or gain sympathy. Their lies are often designed to make you feel guilty, confused, or powerless.

This type of liar can be dangerous, as their goal is often to maintain power in the relationship, even at the expense of your trust.

• How to spot them: They frequently make you feel guilty or question your reality, often twisting situations to put themselves in a better light.

6. The perfectionist

Perfectionists lie because they don’t want anyone to see their flaws or failures. They’ll hide mistakes or create a perfect image of themselves, fearing judgment. This type of liar often feels like they must meet high expectations—whether from themselves or others. 

However, this constant need for approval can prevent a genuine emotional connection, as the truth about their struggles is hidden beneath a polished facade.

• How to spot them: They often avoid talking about mistakes, act like everything is always fine, or exaggerate their successes while downplaying any challenges.

7. The jealous liar

Jealous liars lie to manipulate situations based on insecurity and fear of losing their partner. They might create false stories or exaggerate events to stir up jealousy, control situations, or even accuse their partner of things they haven’t done. 

This type of liar often feels threatened by others, even if there’s no real cause for concern.

• How to spot them: They bring up other people (like exes or friends) frequently, make baseless accusations, or create tension when there’s no need for it.

8. The victim

The victim liar consistently portrays themselves as the one who’s wronged in the relationship. They twist events to make it seem like they’re always the one being hurt, even when they’re at fault. 

This can lead to an imbalance in the relationship, as they avoid accountability and seek sympathy instead of resolving issues. It can leave you feeling drained, as the focus is always on their pain rather than mutual understanding.

• How to spot them: They rarely take responsibility for their actions and instead, turn every conflict into a story of how they’ve been hurt or misunderstood.

9. The secret keeper

The secret keeper lies by withholding critical information that could impact the relationship. They keep things to themselves, whether it’s a past experience, a current issue, or a hidden truth. 

Though they might not lie directly, their silence can create emotional distance, leaving you feeling like you don’t know the full story.

• How to spot them: They seem to have “private” areas of their life that they’re unwilling to share, especially when it’s relevant to your connection.

10. The gaslighter

Gaslighters manipulate the truth to confuse their partner into questioning their own reality. They might tell you something happened a certain way, only to later deny it and say you’re imagining things. 

Over time, this type of liar can severely undermine your confidence and make you doubt yourself, which can lead to emotional abuse.

• How to spot them: They insist you’re “overreacting” or “misremembering,” even when you’re certain about what happened.

11. The chronic liar

Chronic liars tell falsehoods as part of their daily behavior. Their lies become so frequent that distinguishing between what’s real and what’s fabricated becomes almost impossible. 

This behavior often stems from a deep fear of being judged or rejected, leading them to lie about anything, big or small, to keep up appearances.

• How to spot them: They tell stories that don’t add up, and their lies don’t seem to have any real purpose other than to avoid discomfort.

12. The self-protective liar

Self-protective liars tell lies to shield themselves from consequences or negative emotions. They might lie about where they were, who they were with, or how they spent their time to avoid guilt, shame, or confrontation. 

While they’re trying to protect themselves from judgment, their lies can lead to distrust and emotional distance in the relationship.

• How to spot them: They frequently deflect or change the subject when they’re confronted about their actions, often with excuses that don’t quite fit.

13. The opportunist

Opportunistic liars lie to get ahead, often using deceit to manipulate situations for personal gain. Whether it’s to avoid responsibility, win an argument, or get something they want, they’ll lie to achieve their goals. 

This type of liar may not feel guilty, as they see the lie as a means to an end, often without considering the emotional damage it may cause.

• How to spot them: They seem to lie for convenience, especially when there’s something they stand to gain, or when they want to avoid a negative outcome.

White vs. black lies in relationships: What’s the difference

Lying isn’t always black and white—sometimes, people bend the truth to protect feelings, while other times, they hide things for selfish reasons. Understanding the difference between white lies and black lies can help you spot when it’s about kindness… and when it’s about control

Event	White lie	Black lie
The partner asks how they look	“You look great!” (even if they look tired, to boost confidence)	“I never said you looked bad” (when they actually made a rude comment before)
Forgot an important date	“I’ve been swamped, but I was planning something special.”	“You never told me it was today” (denying they ever knew about the date)
Spending time alone	“I just needed a bit of quiet time to recharge.”	“I was at work late” (when they were out with someone else)
Financial slip-up	“I went a little over budget; I’ll fix it next month.”	“I never spent that money” (hiding a major purchase or lie about spending)
Disagreement during conflict	“I didn’t mean it that way—I was just upset.”	“You’re making things up” (gaslighting and denying the entire issue)

How can you spot someone who is lying: 5 ways

Sometimes, you just feel something’s off—maybe the details don’t quite match, or their tone feels a little too polished. But coming out and saying, “You’re lying,” can shut down trust fast. Instead, try a softer approach that opens the door for honesty without blame.

1. Notice shifts in behavior

Pay attention to their usual behavior—how they speak, make eye contact, or respond. If you notice changes, like nervous laughter, avoiding eye contact, or overexplaining, it might signal discomfort or something being concealed. While not always a lie, these shifts can indicate something’s off.

2. Ask open-ended, non-judgmental questions

Instead of confronting, try gentle prompts like “What happened next?” or “Can you help me understand that better?” These invite honesty and reduce defensiveness. It shows you’re listening—not accusing. People often open up more when they don’t feel like they’re being interrogated or blamed for something.

5. Give space—and observe the reaction

Sometimes, silence is revealing. After asking a question, stay quiet and give them room to respond. A truthful person usually answers calmly. Someone who’s lying may fill the silence quickly, get defensive, or dodge the topic. Letting them sit with the question often encourages a more genuine response.

7 effective ways to handle a liar

Dealing with a liar in a relationship can be tricky, especially when you’re trying to maintain trust and your emotional well-being. It’s not about immediately confronting them or giving up on the relationship—it’s about navigating the situation with compassion, self-respect, and a clear sense of boundaries. 

Here are seven healthy ways to handle a liar, no matter which of the types of liars you’re dealing with in your relationship

1. Assess the situation and your feelings

Before addressing the lie, consider its impact on you. Is it a harmless untruth, or does it hint at manipulation or betrayal? Understanding the types of liars in relationships—whether motivated by fear or habit—can guide you in choosing the best way to respond.

• For example: If your partner lies about something important, take a moment to breathe before addressing the issue.

2. Set clear boundaries

If the lie crosses a line for you, it’s crucial to set clear boundaries. Communicate what behavior you won’t tolerate and emphasize the importance of honesty. Boundaries differ for everyone, but they’re essential for respect. Repeated lies could signal deeper issues that need to be addressed in the relationship.

• For example: If your partner consistently lies about their whereabouts, calmly set a boundary by saying, “I value honesty, and I need to trust what you say for this relationship to work.

3. Address the lie directly but with empathy

When addressing the situation, stay calm and empathetic. Approach your partner with understanding instead of accusing or blaming. Giving them the space to explain can lead to a more open and honest conversation. Remember, people lie for many reasons, and understanding their motives can help you communicate effectively.

• For example: Say, “I noticed something didn’t add up in your story, and it’s making me feel confused. Can we talk about it?” 

4. Don’t try to “catch” them in the act

It’s tempting to play detective, searching through messages or setting traps to prove a lie. However, this can cause more harm than good. Trust is rebuilt through open communication, boundaries, and mutual effort. Trying to catch someone in a lie may give temporary control, but it often deepens distrust.

• For example: Instead of checking their phone while they’re asleep, tell them, “Something’s been bothering me. I want us to be honest with each other, even when it’s hard.”

5. Don’t ignore your inner voice

If something feels off, trust your instincts. Your gut can often sense dishonesty, even without concrete proof. Emotional discomfort, anxiety, or feeling on edge around someone who lies are valid signs. Honor your intuition, even when it lacks hard evidence—it’s important to trust how you feel.

• For example: If your gut tells you their story about “working late” doesn’t add up, don’t push the feeling away. Say, “I’m feeling a little uneasy about something—can we talk through it?”

6. Don’t blame yourself for their lies

When someone lies, it’s natural to wonder if you caused it. However, lying is their choice, not a reflection of your worth. Even if there were relationship challenges, deception isn’t your fault. Self-blame only prolongs the pain. Healing begins by separating their actions from your value as a person.

• For example: Instead of thinking, “Maybe I was too emotional, and that’s why they lied,” remind yourself, “I deserve honesty, even when things are hard.”

Watch this TED Talk by Katarina Blom, a renowned psychologist, as she shares how you can cultivate happiness by befriending your brain.

7. Know when it’s time to walk away

Sometimes, the healthiest choice is to let go, especially when lies are constant and trust seems irreparable. Staying in dishonesty drains your energy and self-esteem. Leaving takes courage, but it’s also an act of self-respect. You can love someone and still choose to protect your peace.

For example: If you’ve forgiven multiple lies and nothing changes, you might say, “I care about you, but I need a relationship built on truth. I have to step away now.”

Ending note

Lies in relationships can shake us deeply—especially when they come from someone we care about. But understanding the different types of liars in relationships helps us see patterns more clearly and respond with wisdom instead of confusion. 

Whether you’re facing white lies, hidden truths, or repeated betrayal, remember: your feelings are valid, and your boundaries matter. Healing isn’t about fixing someone else’s behavior; it’s about honoring your own truth, choosing peace, and rebuilding trust—within yourself first.