How Long Is Too Long Without Sex in a Relationship?

Is sex a big part of a relationship, and what happens when a couple doesn’t have sex for a long time? Is it normal to be in a relationship with no sex, and how long is too long?

It appears more sex may not always make you happier, so how long is too long without sex? 

It can be frustrating when you have sex fewer times than you used to have, and you may wonder how long is too long without sex in a relationship.

Read this article to understand how often couples should have sex and how long they can do without it.

What happens when you don’t have sex for a long time?

The importance of sex in a relationship greatly depends on individuals and couples. For some couples, it is perfectly normal to have sex once a year, while others find it normal to have sex more than once a day.

So, how long is too long without sex in a relationship? The truth is that a relationship without sex can be normal and may not harm the overall health of a relationship. However, it can become a problem when partners become unhappy with the sexless relationship.

According to Psychologist Mert Şeker,

When there is no sex for a long time, various physiological and psychological effects may occur in the body. Physiologically, regular sexual activity can reduce stress in the body and strengthen the immune system. Hormones such as endorphins, serotonin, and oxytocin released during sex can elevate overall mood and reduce anxiety. 

In addition, sexual activity can support heart health, increase blood circulation, and protect the health of the genitals. When there is no sex for a long time, the stress level may increase, sleep quality may deteriorate, and energy levels may lower down.

Psychologically, it is thought that regular sexual activity can increase personal self-esteem and increase general life satisfaction. Also, the lack of sexual communication that can help strengthen close bonds with the partner can also have negative effects.

In this case, lack of sex can lead to issues such as:

• Negative feelings
• Lack of openness
• Negative feelings and thoughts toward sex
• Other problems in the relationship

How often should a couple have sex?

How often a couple should have sex is a common question that many of us have asked at some point in our lives. This is probably because the frequency of sex plays a significant role in sexual and relationship satisfaction.

When it comes to how often couples should have sex, there is no definite answer, as this can vary from one couple to another. This is so because the sex life of different couples is usually affected by other factors, such as lifestyle, age, health, relationship quality, libido, and much more.

Still, most people want to know how often most couples have sex. 

According to the same study, married couples have sex 51 times a year. Nevertheless, the number of times varied with age, with those in their 20s enjoying sex up to 80 times annually.

Contrary to popular belief, not everyone has sex regularly. It is estimated that the average time per week couples have intercourse is approximately one time. 

It is imperative to identify why you and your partner are not having sex as often as you used to. Usually, the cause for less sex in marriage could be physical, social, or even emotional.

As per Şeker’s advice,

An important point to remember is that sexual intercourse is not only a physical activity but also helps strengthen emotional bonds, increase communication and increase the overall satisfaction level of the relationship. 

If there are differences in the frequency of sexual intercourse between couples, it should be understood and compromised and a specialist should be consulted when necessary.

Factors such as physical health, demanding schedules, or differing desires can contribute to less frequent intimacy. If deeper concerns like emotional disconnection arise, addressing these openly can be vital for the relationship’s health.

Can you be in a long-term relationship without sex?

Can a relationship last without sex? Can having not enough sex in relationships lead to serious concerns? Let’s discuss.

Can a sexless relationship survive?

Well, it is not surprising to hear about sexless marriages. Most couples enjoy much sex at the beginning of their relationship, but this can diminish over time as other things, including children, demand your energy and attention.

Can you be in a relationship without sex?

Experts highlight that a sudden or unexpected change in a couple’s sexual connection might indicate underlying issues worth exploring. Addressing these concerns with care and understanding can help maintain a healthy relationship dynamic.

Like sexually active couples, some couples are equally happy even when they don’t have sex with their partners. 

But is a sexless relationship healthy? Going without sex in a long-term relationship does not mean that your relationship is unhealthy or that your partner isn’t interested in you or values you.

While sex has its benefits, how important it is will greatly depend on an individual couple. If you are not too interested in sex and you don’t need it to be happy, you can be in a long-term sexless marriage. This is true if you both agree to a sexless relationship.

Nonetheless, it is vital for the partner who has no interest in sex to consider the needs of the other who feels the longing for sex. Otherwise, the issue of no sex in a relationship means what experts believe is a real issue that can negatively impact the couple’s life.

This is especially the case if physical, mental, or sexual issues cause it. In this case, both partners must maintain the quality of their sex life regardless of the challenges.

To learn more about the effects of a relationship that is starved of sex, watch this video:

How long is too long without sex in a relationship?

How long should couples go without intimacy? That’s a question worth asking.

When you and your partner are new in a relationship or marriage, you spend a lot of time sharing intimate moments. This makes your sex life exciting and increases the frequency of the amount of sex that you have. But when does sex slow down in a relationship?

As the years progress, intimacy levels with your partner may start to reduce. This could mean less sex than before. With this, you may wonder, “How long can you go without sex in your relationship?”

If you wonder, “How long is too long without sex in a relationship,” you remember that the amount of time one can stay without sex varies from one person to another. 

Ultimately, there is no right amount of sex that one can have, and going for long without having sex should not impact your health negatively. However, it can take a toll on a relationship if the lack of sex makes one or both partners unhappy or affects the entire relationship.

Depending on the reason for having less sex, it is crucial to know how to deal with any issues that may contribute to this problem to save your relationship.

Also, don’t focus on how much and when to have sex in a relationship more than the feelings of intimacy and closeness you enjoy. You would instead enjoy satisfying and thrilling sex, even if it means once a month, then have lots of lousy sex that will only leave you unsatisfied.

Should you stay in a sexless relationship?

Knowing the benefits that sex brings, most people wonder whether a relationship can survive without sex. 

Some people do not mind the lack of sex in a relationship and don’t consider it mandatory. However, it can be a significant problem if you think sexual satisfaction is a critical aspect of the health of a long-term relationship.

You should also be willing to listen to your partner since they may have different beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and expectations regarding sex. Your willingness and that of your partner to solve the intimacy issue in your relationship can go a long way in restoring the spark that was once there. 

If your partner has low sexual desire, you can advise them to seek professional help. However, it could be a red flag for your relationship if you have tried to converse honestly with them, but there is little change. 

It is a deal-breaker if they don’t show empathy or concern for the sexual issues in your relationship, as this can cause other problems later on. 

In this case, it is up to you to decide if you are willing to stay in a sexless relationship. Something else worth noting is that a relationship without sex is not the same as one without intimacy. 

While sex is an important aspect for many couples, it is not the sole measure of a relationship’s success. Deep emotional connections, shared experiences, and mutual respect can also provide lasting fulfillment.

For some people, a relationship can survive without sexual intimacy as long as there are other types of intimacy, such as emotional and spiritual intimacy. Being present and conscious of touch can do so much more to enhance your intimacy.

Psychologist Şeker takes note that

Sexual fantasy suggestions can include creative thoughts and scenarios that couples can use to spice up their sex lives and increase excitement. For example, you can animate different roles by experiencing various elements such as role-playing, costumes, venue changes. 

You can write romantic or erotic stories, watch erotic movies together, or leave each other written notes. Exploring new fantasies and expanding your boundaries can add freshness and enthusiasm to your relationship. However, it is important to choose fantasies that both parties are comfortable with, maintain open communication, and respect each other.

Relationships with no intimacy and passion need more than love to survive. Therefore, you can decide to stay in a sexless relationship if you and your partner have maintained a friendship despite the lack of sexual relations.

FAQs 

Cruising through the ups and downs of intimacy is part of any relationship. Let’s tackle some common questions about the factors influencing sexual dynamics.

• What are the potential reasons for a lack of sex in a relationship?

Stress, communication issues, or lifestyle changes can impact intimacy. Open dialogue helps identify concerns and find solutions, fostering a healthier connection.

• How can a couple overcome a long period without intimacy?

Rekindle closeness by prioritizing communication, understanding each other’s needs, and exploring new ways to connect emotionally and physically.

• Is it normal for sex frequency to decrease over time?

Yes, it’s normal. Over time, priorities shift. Open conversations about desires and expectations can help adapt to these changes and keep the flame alive.

• Can a lack of sex indicate deeper relationship problems?

Sometimes. It may signal underlying issues, but open communication is key. Address concerns together to strengthen the emotional bond and revive intimacy.

• What are some natural ways to enhance sexual intimacy in a relationship?

Communication, mutual exploration, and prioritizing emotional connection can naturally enhance intimacy. Keep things open, honest, and enjoyable to foster a satisfying sexual connection.

Keeping intimacy intact

We hope that this article has answered your question; “How often should we have sex?” For most people, sex is an integral part of a relationship as it helps couples connect more intimately and physically.

On the other hand, not everyone needs sex to maintain a healthy and happy relationship. You and your partner can still preserve a romantic, sexless relationship as long as you understand each other.

If a sexless relationship leaves you disappointed, talking with your partner could go a long way in solving your intimacy issues. However, if there are still no signs of change, it helps to see a therapist to discuss your sexual dissatisfaction in the relationship.

Continue exploring this topic

Talk to our Marriage.com AI Relationship Coach

Chat with me, ask questions and get help

Start Chatting

Marriage.com AI: Your Relationship Guide

Talk through what's on your mind.

Automated

Hi, I'm your relationship guide. What's on your mind?

YOU COULD START WITH

Is sex important in a relationship?

How long without sex is too long in a relationship?

AI guidance only - not therapy. In crisis? Call a helpline or Find a Therapist

Terms

Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

Marriage.com Assessment

What Help Does Your Relationship Need Most Right Now Quiz

Reviewed byJennifer Schulz, LCSW

Backed by relationship science and evidence-based psychology, this assessment helps identify the area of your relationship that deserves the most attention right now, whether things feel strong or slightly off. Research shows that even healthy relat...

Questions: 20 | Last updated: Jan 23, 2026

Sample Question

When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

Take the Quiz Now