You likely didn't meet your partner and think, "This looks like someone I could solve problems with."
What attracts us to people initially usually has little to do with the factors that make conflict resolution possible — let alone productive and connective.
Nobody teaches us how to do conflict well. It’s not a class in high school (although it absolutely should be). We aren’t born with these tools. In fact, some of our biology actively works against us here because our nervous system is wired to detect threat. If we’re super lucky our parents or caregivers demonstrated this dance (rupture and repair) in a healthy way, but it's more likely we learned some not so great things from them. Because, again, nobody taught them how to do it either.
Here’s the good news — it’s possible to learn new ways of interacting. To form new habits of connection. To turn towards your partner when everything in your body is telling you to run. To experience conflict as a pathway towards intimacy. To have an entirely new relationship with disagreements. It isn't always simple or easy, but it IS possible.
I can help. Reach out for a free 15-minute consultation. Virtual sessions are available. Let's talk!
