Galen E Cole, LPCC
Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor | Claimed

In my article here titled “Tips for Recognizing Successful Couples Therapy” I explain how couples therapy can be tricky. If your therapist doesn’t know what they’re doing (particularly when there is a history of trauma) they can actually hurt your relationship through the counseling process. This typically happens when they ask you to focus mostly on the problems in your relationship during a session. If they do this, you can be certain that they’re not in touch with the research around what it takes to develop and sustain a strong relationship .

This is because there is strong evidence to suggest couples who are able to build and sustain healthy relationships, must consistently maintain a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions to keep the “good feelings” or what researchers call “positive sentiment” in a relationship. With this in mind, any negative things that take place in front of the therapist–like back and forth “he said she said” bashing during a session–can do harm to your relationship. In other words, during our sessions I won’t simply set back and watch you fight with your partner. You can do this on your own time.

I have carefully tailored my Integrative Mindful Behavioral Couples Therapy approach in a way that gets you, the couple, working toward common goals based on the “principles of happy romantic marriage” instead of rehashing old problems. This approach relies on a trans-theoretical model that integrates “what works” in Imago Therapy, Emotionally Focussed Couples Therapy, and the Gottman Method, with “what works” in Mindful Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (M-CBT) in a way that helps couples heal as individuals and, start fighting “for their marriage” instead of “for their point of view.”

For example, one of the exercises I engage couples in is to develop a “Relationship Vision.” The negotiation and compromise that goes into this process improves communication and conflict resolution skills and, in turn, will begin to heal your relationship.

The vision and goals that come out of this process will provide you with a common set of relationship standards against which you can begin to measure how you are doing. As your new plan for working together begins to materialize, your hope for a promising future begins to return and, your focus on all the problems that brought you to therapy begins to fade in importance. The point is, focussing on a new, common direction will help you get past old habits that are eroding your good feelings towards one another, and on a path toward healing and strengthening your relationship.

This is all to say that I can help you develop and implement a plan that will revitalize your marriage. This plan will be based on the research about what works in couples therapy. It’s also based on what I have learned in my own marriage which has lasted over 3 decades in the face of the enormous pressures that come from parenting and financing a large family.

Although I have three masters degrees and a PhD, the fact that my wife and I love each other “after all this time” is my most prized credential as a couples therapist. Trust me, it’s a credential that can only be earned by understanding and doing what it takes to build and sustain a lifetime relationship.