In my experience, the biggest hurdle couples face is learning to communicate. Learning to really listen to their partner and understand things from another perspective often makes all the difference in a successful marriage. Early on, it’s easy to let things slide or lose focus, but as time goes on and life gets busy, true communication gets more difficult, while being more essential. Part of my job as a relationship therapist is to help couples overcome this challenge. It takes a lot of practice.
My focus is communication. I’ve seen time and again when people are truly able to understand their partner’s perspective they feel less defensive and more open to listening and working through a situation. Often, people are surprised when this first happens because they get a different response than the one they were expecting.
After working with me, clients are better able to recognize what they were doing that contributed to poor communication and make changes to correct those behaviors. They learn new ways to communicate and express themselves. Ultimately, the goal is different for each couple. Successful relationship therapy is about the couple getting what it needs to make decisions about their future from a place of love and understanding, rather than from anger or frustration.
My job as a couples counselor is to help them make these choices by challenging existing perspectives and beliefs, to help them see old habits and patterns they’re stuck in and change them. It’s about self-awareness and doing things differently to have a positive effect on the relationship. We practice listening and, at first, I may point out a different perspective or help provide clarification.
In the end, regardless of what the couple decides about their relationship, the decision is made with self-awareness, respect, and clear communication rather than from a place of hurt and anger. Both people can move forward knowing themselves and their partner better.
