Anne Redelfs, MD
Licensed With The Professional Wellness Alliance | Unclaimed

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In my experience, the person we choose to marry represents a part of ourselves. For example, in many cultures, boys are discouraged from their tender, emotional feminine side, so they separate from "her," at least in part. Similarly, girls are discouraged from their tough, seeking-to-assert-himself masculine side, so they separate from "him," at least in part. These separated-off aspects, since they are not part of each person's growth-producing life experience, stay stuck at young psychological ages. Their behavior is true of their young psychological age and not each body's physical age. Most men have a little girl inside them. Most women have a little boy inside them. Those who have had a lot of trauma may have many little children inside. These inner children cause so many of the relationship difficulties, acting out what they learned from others or what minimized their suffering, rather than meeting human needs in the present. Our spouses’ hurtful behaviors so often mirror something hurtful inside ourselves.

I help couples to recognize these little children inside and meet their developmental needs in a similar manner to taking care of the obvious children in the family. Yes, healthy marriages tend to the needs of ALL the children in the family! This soulful parenting of inner children as well as outer children cannot only heal marriages, but can accelerate the development of everyone you care about.