Is Your Husband Hinting About a Break-Up?
Does your marriage feel fragile, all of a sudden? Maybe your husband
- Is not interested in talking to you anymore
- Seems like he is intentionally looking to get angry at you over the smallest things
- Has he been clamming up and a conversation with him nowadays feels forced?
Maybe you feel as if you have to fish for conversation topics or like you need to interrogate him just so that you can get the information that you need. And you don’t feel listened to.
You have been mulling this over… And one thing is clear, something is just not right. You are starting to wonder whether he might want out of the marriage. Unfortunately, you may not be wrong.
Hinting in relationships
Every day in relationships with issues, partners come up against ‘hinting’. When you receive feedback and signals from the actions and words of your partner, that lets you know what’s up; if you are watching and listening.
Unfortunately, many women never want to believe that things are going wrong. Relationships are laced with a lot of hope, a lot of faith.
Even though hope and faith can be powerful forces for healing a relationship, the worst thing that you can do when it comes to love is to delude yourself about your man’s happiness.
Confrontation is not every guy’s forte
Not every guy comes out and expresses his dissatisfaction with a relationship.
Some guys would rather stew in debilitating unsaid words than speak up.
They will pick arguments, criticize you, ignore you or stop communicating altogether.
Also, many guys do not want to bear the burden of being the ones who broke up the marriage. They will, therefore, give many hints that they are no longer invested in the relationship, hoping you will take a cue and call it quits. Therefore, you must trust yourself to interpret the hints in your relationship. When he tells you:
- I can’t seem to do anything right
- You deserve better
- I can’t give you what you want
- You are never happy
- I don’t know what to do any more….
All these are clues, and you better listen if you do not want to be a victim of a break-up.
1. The conflicts
When your man is planning to break up with you, he will deliberately get angry over the tiniest of things. Arguments will especially come when you ask him questions he would rather not answer. His goal is to create conflict so that he can avoid discussing certain topics with you. When the conflict escalates, that is when he will start saying things like:
‘I just don’t think this is working out!’ ‘Is this worth it anymore?’ ‘Maybe I cannot make you happy anymore!’ ‘I just don’t know if it’s you or me,’ ‘I am trying my best to be the man that you want me to be; it’s hard; you expect too much from me.’
This endless fighting without reaching resolutions will eventually morph into the ‘whatever’ stage, in which he no longer cares about the outcome of your arguments.
He is no longer invested in the relationship, and he cares less about whether issues between the two of you are solved or not. When you bring something up, he will just shrug his shoulders and give you the silent treatment or simply walk out on you.
When a partner wants out of a relationship, he will do things either unconsciously or deliberately to damage the relationship. They can say they want to stay until they are blue in the face, but their language and actions will tell you otherwise.
3. He talks down on you
You will notice that your man no longer cares about your feelings. All of a sudden, he is always right, and you are always wrong.
Come up with a project you are excited about, and he will make jabs about how you are not cut out for it. Attempt to reason with him, when you are having differences of opinion, and he will tell you that your views are stupid. If he is continually making you feel unintelligent and inadequate, he is no longer interested in making your relationship work.
4. He has a skewed sense of humor
He loved to tease you, and you enjoyed his witty humor. However, his humor has started to translate into slight insults.
He will make unpleasant jokes about your weight, looks, education and unfavorably compare you to your friends.
He will use humour to communicate an unsavoury message that he would not otherwise share.
Of course, he will claim that he is just teasing you, but you can tell that he clearly knows that he is hurting you.
5. He starts talking in a weird clichés
Your husband will begin to drop weird statements that should signal alarm bells.
‘Relationships shouldn’t be this much work!’
Listen to your man very keenly and believe what he is telling you. Many women make the mistake of assuming that they will be able to change the man’s mind or that the problem will go away if they ignore it. Dropping hints is your man’s way of laying the groundwork for a breakup.
6. He no longer talks about the future
This is probably the most significant sign yet that a breakup is on the horizon. If he avoids discussing the future with you, it probably means that he does not see you in his future.
The future here doesn’t even have to be anything specific.
You will notice that your man no longer talks about trips and concerts that you have previously attended together.
When you ask, he will be super vague. This is a clear sign of lack of commitment by your man, and things can only get worse from there.
7. No communication
A man who is no longer invested in a relationship will avoid talking to you unless it is necessary. Even when you attempt to start a conversation, like about how his day went he will give you a one-word answer.
Bear in mind that a man who is not thinking about a future with you not only won’t talk about the big things in his, life but also the little ones.
8. The final hint
Marriages are tough, and they are never perfect. However, life is too short to cling to a relationship whose direction you are not sure. It is unfortunate that your man has said things that indicate that he is on his way out, and yet you have decided that until he spells it out loud and clear, there is still a chance.
Putting it all on a guy who is unable to muster the courage to spell it out is avoidance of responsibility.
It is your job as the person in charge of your own life to listen and act upon the hints your man gives.
Listening keenly to the feedback in your relationship helps you to stop selling yourself short. Remember, the change of language by your man clearly gives you a heads up about where he really is. Trust the hint; trust your judgment.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.