The Power of Touch in Your Marriage

How do you react to holding hands, a touch on the leg, or a big hug from your spouse?  Is it something that you and your spouse engage in infrequently, or is it a lost element in your marriage? One of the key ingredients to maintaining physical intimacy is the power of touch.

What should you do if the act of physical touch is lacking in your relationship?

How do you create a connection that brings touch back into your relationship? Is physical touch important to your marriage?

One of the things that I often hear from couples is that as the years pass, their amount of physical touch is declining. This is common in a long-term relationship.  Don’t despair and don’t give up! There is good news. This has an easy fix. Awareness is the first step. Then take your awareness to the next level and implement some of these tips. Be present and mindful of the feelings you experience when a touch occurs in your relationship, and you will be off to a great start to physical touching. 

Tips to Increase Touch in Your Marriage

• Hug more often and try lingering a few extra seconds in the arms of your spouse.
• Hold hands when walking from the car to store or while taking a walk around your neighborhood.
• Hold hands while watching television or place your hand on your spouse’s leg.
• Snuggle up together on the couch and share a blanket.
• Cuddle before you go to sleep and first thing in the morning before you get out of bed.
• While gazing into your spouse’s eyes, hold hands.
• Place your hand on your spouse’s arm or leg.
• Rub your spouse’s feet while relaxing on the couch.
• Give your spouse a neck massage while they are sitting in a chair.
• Give your spouse a relaxing back massage.
• Try something different and shampoo your spouse’s hair.

Why is Touch Important? 

Importance of touch in marriage cannot be underlined enough.

Romantic touch is a powerful way to communicate and it will strengthen your marriage. Some of the positive feelings will be that of connection, improved attitude and will produce a smile for both you and your spouse.

It can make you feel safe, cared for and create a lasting bond. Physical touching can also be a stress reducer and we can all benefit from reducing stress. A sensual touch can also rekindle the spark and reignite the passion. A touch is an essential tool in sustaining a satisfying and successful marriage.  

The act of physical touch is a powerful communicator and speaks loudly and clearly saying, “I want to feel connected”.  So start today and reclaim the gift of a romantic touch. Your marriage will thank you.

What If Touch Doesn’t Come Naturally to One of You

Not everyone experiences touch the same way. If your spouse grew up in a less physically affectionate family, has sensory sensitivities, or simply needs more time to warm up to physical closeness, that’s a real difference worth respecting rather than pushing past.

Start smaller than feels natural to you: a hand on the shoulder rather than a full hug, a few seconds of contact rather than lingering. Let your spouse’s comfort guide the pace, and check in directly about what feels good rather than assuming.

If the imbalance feels like more than a mismatch in style, and one of you consistently feels unwanted despite reassurances of attraction, that’s worth talking through openly. A couples therapist can help you both understand what’s underneath it. Find a Therapist if that would help.

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Michelle Scharlop Marriage & Family Therapist

Michelle is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Plantation, Florida. She has over a decade of experience and specializes in all types of relationships. Michelle encourages meaningful conversations that restores broken connections, rebuilds communication and reshapes unhealthy patterns. She helps... Read more facilitate change by listening to everyone in the therapy room and gaining an understanding of all perspectives. Her innovative approach is positive and encouraging, compassionate and respectful, warm with a gentle sense of humor. Michelle is also a clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) and an approved Pre-Marital Course Provider for Broward County. Connect with her on Facebook for motivational messages and tips on improving your life and your relationships. Read less

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When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

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Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

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