15 Key Characteristics of Emotionally Intelligent Men

You’re having a disagreement with your significant other. Frustration bubbles up, but instead of yelling or shutting down, you take a deep breath and listen. You try to see things from their perspective and express your own feelings clearly. This is the power of emotional intelligence (EQ) in action.

EQ is all about understanding your emotions, managing them effectively, and being able to put yourself in other people’s shoes. For men, especially, this can feel counterintuitive. We’re often told to ‘toughen up’ and bottle things in.

But here’s the secret: emotionally intelligent men are actually stronger, not weaker. They build stronger relationships, communicate better, and confidently manage life’s challenges. Because EQ isn’t a magic trick – it’s a learnable ability that can transform your life.

What is emotional intelligence (EQ)?

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is all about understanding your emotions, managing them in healthy ways, and being able to understand and respond to the emotions of others.

Imagine you’re stuck in traffic on your way to an important meeting. Your heart starts racing, your palms get sweaty, and you might even feel some anger bubbling up.

Someone with high EQ would recognize these feelings of frustration (understanding emotions). They might take some deep breaths to calm themselves down (managing emotions). They could also acknowledge that everyone else is likely feeling frustrated, too (empathy).

Doing this will allow them to stay calm, avoid yelling at other drivers (healthy response), and maybe even use a traffic app to see if there are any faster routes (good decision-making).

5 benefits of being an emotionally intelligent man

Being an emotionally intelligent guy isn’t just some feel-good notion. It comes with real benefits that can improve your life in all sorts of ways.

It is like having a superpower, not one of superhuman strength or laser vision, but a skill that empowers you to build stronger relationships, manage stress effectively, and achieve success in your career.

Here are 5 key benefits that emotionally intelligent men experience:

1. Better relationships

Emotionally intelligent men build deeper, more meaningful relationships. They understand their own emotions and can empathize with others, leading to more genuine connections.

For example, during a disagreement, they can remain calm and listen, making their partners feel heard and valued. This understanding helps them communicate more effectively, avoiding misunderstandings and conflicts.

They are attentive listeners, showing their partners, friends, and family they truly care. As a result, their relationships are stronger and more resilient. The ability to deal with emotional landscapes with ease makes them reliable and supportive companions, enriching their social interactions.

2. Effective communication

Men and emotional intelligence together lead to clear and compassionate communication. An emotionally intelligent person knows how to express their thoughts and feelings without causing unnecessary conflict.

For instance, in a work setting, they can provide constructive feedback without making colleagues feel attacked. They use active listening to understand others’ perspectives and respond thoughtfully. This skill reduces miscommunication and builds mutual respect.

Their ability to articulate emotions calmly and clearly helps resolve issues swiftly. Effective communication also boosts their confidence in social situations, making them more approachable and relatable.

3. Stress management

Emotionally intelligent men are better at managing stress. They recognize when they are feeling overwhelmed and have strategies to cope with it. This might include mindfulness practices, exercise, or talking things out with a trusted friend.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, points out,

For example, after a long, stressful day, they might go for a jog or meditate to clear their mind. By managing stress effectively, they maintain a healthier emotional balance. This skill prevents burnout and keeps them focused and productive.

Their ability to stay calm under pressure also makes them reliable in crisis situations. Working together, men and emotional intelligence promote overall well-being.

4. Conflict resolution

Emotionally intelligent men excel at resolving conflicts. They approach disagreements with empathy and a genuine desire to understand the other person’s viewpoint.

For instance, in a family dispute, they might mediate by ensuring everyone’s feelings are acknowledged. This approach diffuses tension and opens up constructive dialogue. They are skilled at finding common ground and creating win-win solutions. Their calm demeanor during conflicts reassures others and facilitates quicker resolutions.

Emotionally intelligent people can handle tough conversations without escalating them. This ability to manage and resolve conflicts strengthens their personal and professional relationships.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, states,

5. Leadership skills

Emotional intelligence enhances leadership abilities in men. It inspires and motivates others through empathy and understanding. An emotionally intelligent person can gauge a group’s emotional climate and respond accordingly.

For example, during a team project, they can sense when someone is struggling and offer support without judgment. This makes them effective in guiding teams through challenges. They build trust and respect among their peers, building a collaborative environment.

Their ability to manage their own emotions and positively influence others makes them natural leaders. Their emotional intelligence allows them to handle complex interpersonal dynamics, driving their teams toward success.

15 core traits of emotionally intelligent men

So, we’ve established that emotional intelligence is a valuable skill for men. But what exactly does it look like in action?

Think of it as a toolbox filled with different skills that emotionally intelligent men can use to manage life’s situations effectively. Identifying these traits can help answer the question: how do you know if you are emotionally intelligent? Here are 10 key traits that make up this toolbox:

1. Self-awareness

Self-aware men understand their emotions and how these emotions impact their thoughts and actions. For example, a self-aware man might recognize his irritation after a stressful day at work and consciously decide to take a walk before interacting with his family.

Such an awareness helps him avoid unnecessary conflicts and improves his overall well-being. Self-awareness is foundational to many other traits of high emotional intelligence.

2. Empathy

Empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others. For instance, an empathetic man might notice a colleague is unusually quiet and offer a kind word or a listening ear. This shows that he values and understands others’ emotions, which helps build trust and deepens relationships. 

Empathy is a clear sign of emotional intelligence, allowing for better connections and support within relationships.

3. Active listening

Active listening means fully concentrating on what is being said rather than just passively hearing the speaker. For example, an emotionally intelligent person will nod, make eye contact, and respond thoughtfully during conversations. 

When a friend shares a personal problem, he listens attentively without interrupting, showing that he genuinely cares. Active listening helps build strong interpersonal connections and trust.

4. Self-regulation

Self-regulation is the ability to control one’s emotions and impulses. For instance, a man with this trait might feel anger rising during a heated discussion but choose to take deep breaths and respond calmly. This control helps him avoid escalating conflicts and maintains harmony in his interactions. 

Self-regulation is a crucial aspect of emotional intelligence that ensures emotional responses are appropriate and constructive.

5. Open-mindedness

Open-minded men are willing to consider new ideas and perspectives. For example, during a team meeting, an open-minded man listens to a junior colleague’s unconventional suggestion and considers its merits rather than dismissing it outright. This trait promotes creativity and innovation. 

Open-mindedness is a sign of emotional intelligence, indicating a willingness to learn and grow from diverse viewpoints.

6. Humility

Humility involves recognizing one’s limitations and valuing others’ contributions. For instance, an emotionally intelligent man might acknowledge his team’s efforts when celebrating a project’s success rather than taking all the credit. 

Such humility enables a collaborative and respectful environment. Humility is one of the traits of high emotional intelligence, as it shows a balanced view of oneself and appreciation for others.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, says,

7. Patience

Patience allows emotionally intelligent men to remain calm and composed, even in frustrating situations. For example, when teaching a child a new skill, a patient man will repeat instructions without showing irritation, helping the child learn effectively.

Patience is crucial for maintaining positive interactions and reducing stress. It is a key trait that demonstrates emotional stability and understanding.

8. Assertiveness

Assertiveness means expressing one’s needs and opinions confidently and respectfully. For instance, an assertive man might tell his boss he needs more time to complete a project rather than silently struggling. 

Such a trait helps him maintain his well-being and ensures clear communication. Assertiveness is a sign of emotional intelligence, balancing between passivity and aggression to achieve healthy communication.

9. Adaptability

Adaptability is the ability to adjust to new conditions and challenges. For example, an adaptable man might seamlessly transition to remote work during a crisis, finding ways to stay productive and connected. 

Such flexibility is vital in a constantly changing world. Adaptability is a trait of high emotional intelligence, showing resilience and a positive attitude toward change.

10. Resilience

Resilience enables men to bounce back from setbacks and maintain their well-being. For instance, after facing a significant personal loss, a resilient man seeks support and gradually rebuilds his life. 

Such a trait helps him cope with difficulties and emerge stronger. Resilience is a clear indicator of emotional intelligence, reflecting an ability to handle adversity with strength and grace.

11. Positive outlook

A positive outlook means focusing on the good in situations and expecting favorable outcomes. For example, an emotionally intelligent person with this trait might encourage his team during challenging times, highlighting their strengths and progress.

Such optimism can boost morale and nurture a supportive environment. A positive outlook is a sign of emotional intelligence, promoting well-being and motivation.

12. Authenticity

Authenticity involves being true to oneself and honest with others. For instance, an authentic man shares his thoughts and feelings openly without pretending to be someone he is not.

He might admit his mistakes and take responsibility, cultivating trust and respect. Authenticity is a key trait of high emotional intelligence, ensuring genuine and sincere interactions.

13. Compassion

Compassion involves feeling and acting on the desire to help others. For example, an emotionally intelligent man might volunteer to offer practical help and emotional support to a colleague going through a tough time. 

Such a trait can strengthen bonds and promote a caring environment. Compassion is a sign of emotional intelligence, reflecting kindness and empathy in action.

14. Trustworthiness

Trustworthiness means being reliable and keeping promises. For instance, when an emotionally intelligent man commits to a task, he follows through, ensuring others can depend on him.

The trait builds strong, trustworthy relationships. Trustworthiness is essential for emotional intelligence, breeding reliability, and integrity in all interactions.

15. Gratitude

Gratitude involves appreciating the positive aspects of life and expressing thanks. For example, a grateful man might regularly acknowledge his team’s hard work, boosting their morale.

Such a practice enhances his own happiness and strengthens his relationships. Gratitude is a sign of emotional intelligence, nurturing a positive and appreciative mindset.

Why do emotionally intelligent men seem rare?

Traditionally, society has painted men with a broad brush: strong, stoic, and unemotional. Boys are often discouraged from expressing their feelings, leading to the belief that showing emotions is a sign of weakness.

Such a stereotype can make emotionally intelligent men seem rare. But here’s the truth: emotional intelligence isn’t about suppressing emotions but understanding and managing them effectively. Let’s explore why this stereotype persists and why emotionally intelligent men are actually more common than you might think.

• Social conditioning: From a young age, boys are often told to “man up” and suppress their emotions. This conditioning can make it difficult for men to identify and express their feelings in a healthy way.
• Media portrayal: Action heroes and tough guys dominate the media, reinforcing the idea that masculinity is linked to emotional stoicism.
• Misunderstanding of strength: Showing emotions is often seen as a weakness while bottling them up is seen as a strength. However, true strength lies in understanding and managing your feelings, not suppressing them.

However, the reality is those emotionally intelligent men are more common than you might think. Here’s why:

• EQ is a skill: Emotional intelligence is not a fixed trait but a learnable skill. Just like anyone else, men can develop their EQ with practice and self-reflection.
• Shifting societal norms: Thankfully, societal expectations are changing. There’s a growing recognition that men can be both strong and emotionally intelligent.
• Benefits are clear: The benefits of emotional intelligence – stronger relationships, better communication, and increased self-confidence – are becoming increasingly recognized. More men are realizing the value of developing their EQ.

7 ways men can develop their emotional intelligence

We’ve talked about the benefits of emotional intelligence, traits, and stereotypes for men. Now, let’s get practical.

Emotional intelligence is a powerful tool for men, but how do you actually develop it? Here are 7 actionable steps men can take to cultivate their EQ:

1. Practice self-reflection

Self-reflection involves examining your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to understand yourself better. After a heated argument, take some time to think about why you reacted the way you did and what emotions drove your responses. This can help you gain insights into your emotional triggers and patterns.

Follow this: Set aside 10 minutes each day for journaling. Write about your day, focusing on moments that triggered strong emotions. Reflect on what caused these feelings and how you can manage similar situations in the future.

2. Develop mindfulness practices

Mindfulness can help you stay present and aware of your emotions without judgment. Practicing deep breathing or meditation can help you stay calm and centered, even in stressful situations. This awareness is crucial for managing your emotions effectively.

Follow this: Start with a simple meditation practice. Spend 5 minutes each morning focusing on your breath. Gradually increase the duration as you become more comfortable. You can use apps that can guide you through mindfulness exercises.

3. Enhance active listening skills

Active listening means fully concentrating on what others are saying without interrupting. During a conversation, make eye contact, nod to show you’re listening, and summarize what the other person said before responding. This builds trust and improves communication.

Follow this: Practice active listening in your next conversation. Avoid interrupting and focus entirely on the speaker. After they finish, repeat what you heard to ensure you understood correctly. This can reinforce your listening skills and show empathy.

4. Seek constructive feedback

Asking for feedback helps you understand how others perceive your actions and emotions. Ask a trusted friend or colleague for honest feedback about how you handle stress or conflict. This can provide valuable insights into areas for improvement.

Follow this: Schedule regular feedback sessions with someone you trust. Ask specific questions about your emotional reactions and how you can improve. Be open to criticism and use it as a tool for growth.

5. Practice empathy exercises

Empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others. When a friend is upset, try to put yourself in their shoes and feel what they are experiencing. This can help you connect more deeply and respond more compassionately.

Follow this: Engage in empathy-building activities, such as volunteering or reading literature that offers diverse perspectives. When someone shares their feelings, consciously try to imagine what they’re going through and respond with understanding and support.

6. Learn stress management techniques

Managing stress is crucial for maintaining emotional balance. Techniques like yoga, deep breathing, or regular exercise can help you stay calm and focused. These practices reduce stress levels and improve your overall emotional health.

Follow this: Incorporate stress-relief activities into your daily routine. When you feel stressed, try a 5-minute deep breathing exercise or take a short walk to clear your mind. Experiment with different techniques to find what works best for you.

Watch this TEDx Talk where psychologist Susan David reveals how our emotional handling shapes our lives, challenging the culture of forced positivity and sharing strategies for emotional agility in a moving, humorous talk:

7. Engage in professional development

Professional courses or therapy can provide structured guidance on developing emotional intelligence. Attending workshops on emotional intelligence or seeing a therapist can offer tools and techniques to enhance your emotional skills.

Follow this: Enroll in a course on emotional intelligence or consider speaking with a therapist. Books and online resources can also be valuable. Commit to ongoing learning and self-improvement to continually enhance your emotional intelligence.

FAQs

Understanding emotional intelligence is crucial for improving personal and professional relationships. Here are some common questions about emotional intelligence and how it manifests in everyday life.

• How can you tell if someone lacks emotional intelligence?

People who lack emotional intelligence often struggle with self-awareness and empathy. They might have difficulty managing their emotions, leading to frequent outbursts or conflicts.

They may also fail to recognize or respect others’ feelings, resulting in poor relationships and communication issues. Another indicator is their inability to handle stress and adapt to change.

• What are real-life examples of emotionally intelligent men?

Emotionally intelligent men can be seen in various roles, like a manager who resolves team conflicts calmly and listens to employee concerns or a father who helps his child manage emotions during a tough time.

Another example is a friend who provides thoughtful support during personal crises, showing empathy and understanding without judgment.

• Are there any resources for further Reading or learning about emotional intelligence?

There are many resources available for learning about emotional intelligence. Books like “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman and “Emotional Agility” by Susan David are highly recommended.

Online courses on platforms like Coursera and Udemy, as well as TED Talks on emotional intelligence, provide valuable insights and practical strategies for improvement.

Emotional intelligence: A skill anyone can learn

For too long, emotional intelligence (EQ) has been shrouded in mystery, seen as a rare gift or an innate personality trait. But the truth is far more empowering: EQ is a skill, and just like any skill, it can be learned and developed.

We explored the many benefits of emotional intelligence for men, from building stronger relationships to dealing with challenges with greater ease. We also looked into the core traits of emotionally intelligent men and provided practical steps to cultivate this valuable skillset.

Remember, the journey to emotional intelligence is a lifelong one. There will be setbacks and challenges, but with dedication and self-awareness, you can unlock the power of your emotions and become the best version of yourself.

So, take the first step today. Embrace the power of emotional intelligence and start building a richer, more fulfilling life.