There are still many women who come and see a counselor, asking: “How to be a better wife to my husband”. We live in an age in which we are submerged in a sea of information and bits of advice. It seems as if it was supposed to be easier than ever to find any sort of support and guidance we need. But it’s not. There is just too much information out there. This article will summarize the main answers to the eternal question of how to be the best partner for better or for worse.
Be honest – Under any condition
There is a lot of discussion around the women’s ability to be entirely honest. There are many philosophers who claimed that women have an entirely different way of seeing the reality and are, from a man’s point of view, incapable of being completely open and frank. Some believe that this is because women feel their physical weakness compared to men and thus unconsciously feel that their only weapon is concealment.
Although we wouldn’t necessarily agree with a rather cynic statement that a woman can’t be truthful, one thing is a fact – men and women see honesty in a different way. More precisely, men believe in telling the facts bluntly, and for them, this is a sign of respect and love. For women, there are shades of truth. Women believe in white lies. They believe that it is a way to shield their loved ones from pain, stress, the ugliness of the world.
Although both sides have a point, if you truly want to be a better wife to your husband, you will need to learn to think about truth as a man. What it means in practice is that you tell what’s on your mind and don’t polish the truth. Even if you think it would be hurtful, a man will respect a candid conversation far more than you selecting what to say and how to put it.
Don’t patronize your husband
Another golden rule that continues on the previous one is to never patronize your husband. How this relates to telling the truth at all cost? Well, when you lie or embellish the reality, you essentially treat your husband as a child. You basically consider him incapable of bearing the ugly truth. And he almost certainly isn’t.
But, this advice applies to more situations than just being straight-talking. Women sometimes get lost somewhere between being a lover and being a mother once they get married. You and your now husband might have been completely passionate about each other and acting like adults when you were dating. But many succumb to the urge to nest and take care of the entire family as if they all were children.
We mostly don’t recognize when this happens. And men are to blame as well. They enjoy women cooking for them, cleaning after them, taking care of the documents and tending that all bills are paid in time. But what men and women alike don’t prepare for is that this urge will transfer to all areas of their lives, and in no time, they will end in behaving like a mother and a son (naughty or obedient).
So, the next time you talk to your husband, imagine that you were talking to a child. Could your conversation translate into such situation? If your answer is yes, then you need to pull a break and immediately change your ways. Because, no matter how pampered your husband might feel right now, he will eventually get tired of being treated as a child and go out looking for someone who will see a man in him again.
Clear the air
Let’s face it – after years of marriage, there will be a lot of resentment and ever-repeating arguments. And this is completely normal, don’t taunt yourself with it. Any marriage that lasts for some time inevitably went through a lot of hurdles and pain, and some of it tends to linger a lot after the actual problem is resolved.
But, if you intend to continue with your marriage, and even more so, become a better wife to your husband, you should have a talk with him and finally clear the air. Take out the garbage, open the closet and toss out the skeletons. See them showing their ugly heads in the light of a day, and then finally end the rule of the ghosts of the past arguments. Because you can go on like that for some time, but not indefinitely. And you can’t thrive together or as individuals if you linger in the past. No better day than today!