7 Signs He’s Just Not That Into You

You’ve had a couple of great dates with a new guy.  You’re feeling hopeful for the first time in months.  Is there going to be some traction here? You replay your conversations over and over in your head.  You’ve gone over the details of the dates with your BFF, asking her opinion on if she thinks he’s feeling what you are feeling.  You REALLY like this guy.

But.  For some reason, he isn’t texting you, or not very much.  There really isn’t much in the way of phone contact, either.  Your Instagram and Facebook posts are not getting any likes from him.  You tell yourself he’s just super busy or wants to respect your space, or maybe he just lost his phone.  That could happen, right? But deep down, you already know what’s going on. You suspect he’s just not that into you.  

Here are seven signs that will tell you without words that he isn’t into you.  (We’re sorry.  But isn’t it better to know this know before you invest any more emotion into this one-way relationship?)

1. You always have to initiate contact

You send the first text, email or leave the first voice mail.  You’ve never woken up to a cheery “good morning” text, but you’ve sent him a couple of those.  He never responds quickly, either.

Sometimes you wait a couple of days to hear back from him, all the time convincing yourself that he must be really really busy.  

Guess what?  When a guy’s into you, he could be closing the biggest deal the stock market’s ever seen, and he’d still have time to send you a “Thinking about you” text. 

2. He doesn’t seem excited about setting up the next date

When a guy is into you, he wants to lock in the next time he is going to see you.  At the end of the first date, he’ll set up something concrete…not a vague “well, get in touch if you ever want to do anything.”  And it will always be this way…you’ll never wonder at the end of a date if you will see him again.

If he doesn’t set up the next date, he’ll text you the following day, telling you how much fun he had and asking you if you’d be free to meet up, say, this weekend.

If you aren’t getting that from him it means he really isn’t that interested in you.

3. He treats you like an option

A guy who is into you makes you feel like you are his priority, not his second (or third) choice.  Does he arrive late to all your dates?

Does he keep his cell phone out on the table, taking calls or texts during your time together (and not even apologizing for it!)?  

Are his eyes scanning the room, checking out other women?  

Sorry, he’s not into you.  You are just a placeholder until something better comes along.

4. Your conversations center around him

Are you noticing that he never asks you anything about your life?  Or, if you volunteer information about what you do for work or your hobbies, he doesn’t try to delve deeper into that, asking you to tell him more?  

When a guy is into you, he focuses on you.  He wants to know everything that makes you, you. 

Your conversations are a true back and forth, with lots of interaction (and laughs!).  You both don’t want the evenings together to end. If there is a lack of questions, this means he really isn’t into you.  Don’t waste any more words on this one; move on to the next!

5. His online dating profile states he isn’t looking for a relationship

OK, you ignored that, because you thought you weren’t wanting to be exclusive, either.  But after a few dates, you have some feelings for this guy so you’d like to make things exclusive.  

Sorry, just because you feel that way doesn’t mean he does, too.  Unless he has specifically told you otherwise, you are just one of the girls he has a good time with.  

There’s never going to be anything deeper than what you are doing right now, so go back and look at his online profile, but this time, believe it.  He isn’t relationship material, and he states that upfront.

6. You can’t tell if he is into you

When you recount your date night to your BFFs, you ask them what they think this or that means.  “He seemed interested. I mean he paid for my drinks.” Guess what? When a guy is truly into you, there is no questioning his interest.  He will tell you.

He will say how happy he is to be spending time with you.  He will want to make sure you’ve got another date on the books together.  He will keep his eyes on you the entire evening, and the message will be crystal clear:  he likes you and wants to see where this relationship can go.

There won’t be any ambiguity, and you will not have to ask your girlfriends their opinion on the matter.  You will know.

7. He doesn’t make you part of his life

A guy who keeps you at a distance is not into you.  If you never meet his buddies, get invited to his work events, are asked to just come over and hang out and watch a movie together…he’s not into you.

There’s an adage that is worth remembering:  when someone shows you who he is, believe him.

So stop making excuses for this guy’s subpar behavior towards you, and go out and meet someone who treats you as you deserve to be treated. Someone who is totally, utterly, over-the-moon into you.

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The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. Our content is thoroughly reviewed by experts... Read more to ensure that we offer high-quality and reliable relationship advice. Read less