Red Alert! Dating and Looking for Better Prospects Simultaneously?

Dating and looking for better prospects simultaneously

There are so many people these days in the world of dating that aren’t actually looking for any type of serious relationship, they’re just here to chase shiny objects.

Is this you?

And by the way, it’s not just about the guys, who constantly get a bad rap in the world are dating who are chasing shiny objects… There are millions of women, maybe not consciously doing this, but are also chasing shiny-shiny objects in their own right.

If you’re single and in the world of dating, are you truly committed to finding deep and lasting love? Or, are you chasing what many refer  to as “the shiny objects in the world of dating?“

Now, and especially women, many people say that they’re really looking for deep and lasting love. But their actions in the world of dating show the exact opposite.

First, let’s define what it means to chase shiny objects

In this case, shiny objects in the world of dating are the next top handsome hunk as a girl or the next beautiful woman as a guy.

So guys are out there saying on their profiles on dating sites that they’re looking for long and lasting love… When in actuality even when they’re in a relationship for a month or two they’re constantly looking out of the corner of the ride, figuratively speaking, for that next hot, shiny object.

And ladies? Oh, my god, they’re doing the same thing. So they say they’re looking for great love, and they’re in a relationship for a month or two, but they haven’t taken their profile down.

Or, behind the guy they’re dating back, they’re having open conversations with other guys that might just have a little bit more on the ball, a little bit more money, maybe a few more toys or a higher level of prestige in their city.

The trend of constantly looking for better prospects

So many people are lying to themselves and others, by saying they’re looking for this great, new relationship when in actuality they’re just in it for the adrenaline rush. They’re just in it to try to see how long it’s gonna take to find something a little better than what they’ve currently “settled for“.

A Female client that I was working with via Skype about three years ago came to me saying she was done with the dating scene and she just wanted to find a great guy to settle down with. She had several kids, and she said it was time for her to get serious so that they had a positive role model as her former husbands never came to the plate to be the best dad they could.

So guess what? She met the most amazing man in the world. He was grounded. A professional. He loved her kids. But she totally sabotaged the relationship, even though he afforded her a very nice lifestyle, she was looking to be taken care of totally.

While she never mentioned this to him, her big goal in life was never to work again. So she took advantage of the money he had, while constantly looking around the corner to see who might come into play with a slightly larger wallet.

After about five months he caught wind of her lack of commitment, and let her go. And within a couple months, she had moved up on the financial scale to find someone else… But here’s the kicker. As soon as he got wind of what he could tell intuitively that she was up to, he kicked her out and she went up another level.

So all along she’s telling me, her counselor, that she’s really looking for deep, abiding love… But she was lying to herself and to me.

Everything came to a crashing halt when one day during our session she started talking about her girlfriends that never worked… How jealous she was… How angry she was that she still had to support herself when several of her girlfriends were in the gym or getting their nails done, or planning their next trip. She kept telling me how unfair it was.

Within about another 30 days she had latched onto another doctor, but that wasn’t to last very long either.

Do you see how her words and actions were not in alignment?

The real purpose of dating

Are you a woman who is claiming me to the world that you want deep, consistent love, when in reality you’re just trying to move up the social scale, or the financial scale until you hit that home run?

And I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with dating someone who is financially well off, but, if you are going to create drama and chaos for all the guys that aren’t making 1 million or $2 million a year… You’re not being honest to yourself or to anyone else, you’re just caught in the rat race of chasing the next shiny object in the world of dating.

But women aren’t the only ones to blame for this.

One of my mail clients from Europe, had contacted me saying he was tired of the dating scene, he was tired of being on all the dating apps and he really wanted to find deep love.

So he came to me and hoping that I would have the magical formula that he could just put in place to find that amazing relationship.

And I do have the formula, and he did put it in place, and it brought to him one of the most grounded women I have ever talked to in my life. She was very attractive, had a very successful career, didn’t party, was open to having a family if he wanted one and was also open to just being in love, but guess what? It wasn’t enough for him.

Within a month and a half of dating, he had sent me an email saying that he was in big trouble with his current relationship because the last several times they went out his wandering eyes were getting him in trouble over and over again.

But it wasn’t just once, as one time in a very nice restaurant on his way to the restroom he handed a woman at the bar who had connected with him visually one of his business cards, unfortunately for him, or fortunately, however you want to look at it, his girlfriend at the time saw him do this from the table she was seated at.

Because she came from such a strong moral constitution, she ended the relationship that night.

He got caught chasing more shiny objects. It didn’t matter how remorseful he was, there was no way she was going back into that snare. So what’s the moral of the story?

Rectify the claims you’ve made in your dating profile

If your actions don’t follow your words, immediately remove any dating profile that says you’re looking for serious love. Just look at the way you’ve dated over the last two years. If you say you’re looking for deep love, and you’re promoting yourself as someone who is looking for that long-lasting relationship, but you notice when you look in the mirror that you’re not honest with yourself or anyone else… Drop the profile.

Why don’t you just rewrite it? I don’t care how old you are, you could be 60, 70 years of age if all you’re looking for is just to date, without a serious commitment please be honest and put it in your profile.

I tell all my clients, I have no judgment whatsoever if someone wants to chase the shiny objects in dating, I just want them to be honest with themselves. And who knows, maybe this honesty will actually lead you to somewhere healthy with your own integrity. Remember integrity means “we are walking our talk. You can increase your own self-confidence and self-esteem by simply being honest about what you’re truly looking for in the world of dating.

And at the same time, you won’t be breaking hearts or creating chaos and drama if you’re 100% honest about what you’re looking for in love, or just in the world of dating


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David Essel, M.S. is the best selling author of 9 books, a counselor and master life coach and inspirational speaker whose work is endorsed by celebrities like Jenny McCarthy, Wayne Dyer, Kenny Loggins and Mark Victor Hansen. David accepts new clients monthly via Skype and phone sessions from anywhere.

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