What Does It Mean to Have Intimacy in a Relationship

James W Annear

James W Annear, Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor

Expertise: Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor

James is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), APSATS Certified Clinical Partner Specialist Supervisor, trained by Dr. Barbara... Read more

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Updated: 14 Apr, 2023

Table of Contents

Intimacy is broader than sex—it's a shared, vulnerable closeness built through empathy, communication, and daily acts of understanding, not just physical touch, so nurture honest conversations to grow nearer.
Real intimacy needs ongoing effort—it grows when both partners commit to dealing with challenges together and choosing closeness over comfort, so keep showing up and celebrating small steps toward closeness.
Intimacy deepens over time—through mutual vulnerability, empathy, and shared meaning, so invest in daily acts of care and listening to strengthen your bond.

Nearly 80% of respondents will say ‘sex’ is the answer to the question, ‘what is real intimacy?’

And, why not? Intimacy and sex have been synonymous, at least popularly, for decades.

Questions you might get after a date usually contain at least one version of, “did you get intimate?” Even therapists ask the same question to their clients, “how long since you’ve been intimate?” It’s no wonder that practically everyone uses the two words interchangeably.

What is the definition of intimacy

The misrepresentation of the word ‘intimacy’, often leads to confusion or, at the least, misinterpretation when someone uses the word “intimacy” in its true context. Worse, the real definition of intimacy is buried as some secondary meaning in our brains, if it is known at all. That is our brain for you – it learns through repetition.

Communication, togetherness, affection, confidence, friendship, familiarity, commonality, understanding, acquaintance, affinity, communion, close relationship are synonyms found under a few online thesaurus resources.

Sex is not listed as a synonym.

The dictionary defines intimacy as, “A close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship.”

Another word, “communion” can be used as a synonym of intimacy. There is something sacred and over-riding about that word. It indicates a certain primacy and can aptly describe what is real intimacy.

Does intimacy mean – LOVE?

Intimacy is not exclusive to romantic relationships.

For any relationship between two people, or one person and a group, to be deeply meaningful, intimacy must exist. Now, for the purpose of the context which addresses intimacy in a marriage, the definition of intimacy is limited to a committed intimate relationship between couples.

What is intimacy in a relationship?

“Intimacy occurs between two people where there is a jointly-agreed primacy of desire to draw closer together – to deeply connect – through mutual vulnerability and sharing of facts, feelings, and understanding, fueled by empathy and compassion”

Sex is a part of intimacy. However, it’s just one of the culminations of a whole lot of other intimate relationship activities – one that can, if other levels of intimacy are consistently present in the relationship, further the depth of connection.

After all, if your relationship is marked by a lack of intimacy, sex is, eventually, likely going to be rather empty and unfulfilling.

So, how important is intimacy in a relationship? The above statement just answered this question In fact, nobody reading this article entered their committed relationship to be alone.

Usually, each partner has the rightful expectation that their feeling of connection will grow. Though some may want or understand, that more than others. But getting married isn’t supposed to be the culmination of connection and intimacy.

So, what does it mean to have intimacy in relationships? Well! Romantic relationships are supposed to be the beginning of a long, beautiful, connective journey that will surely have its potholes and pitfalls which required negotiation together.

Sadly, the marriage ceremony and honeymoon seem to be the highlight of most committed relationships.

Is that what anyone really wants? Then, why is the divorce rate in the U.S. over 50%? Did anyone of those divorced couples enter their relationship with the expectation or hope that it would be over before the end of their lives? That it would be over so prematurely?

What is a mature, or maturing, relationship?

One marked by intimacy – connection, vulnerability, empathy, and compassion – that deepens over time. Maybe there are bumps and plateaus but the intimacy progresses as each person partners with the other and collaborates to work through those times together.

A commitment, by each partner, to true intimacy does take work.

A commitment to intimacy is well worth every ounce of energy put into it. So, a lifetime of connection and deep love can only result in laying down the foundation for a solid and lasting relationship.

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James W Annear Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor

James is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), APSATS Certified Clinical Partner Specialist Supervisor, trained by Dr. Barbara Steffens (CCPS-S), and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist Supervisor, trained by Dr. Patrick Carnes (CSAT-S). He is an EMDR practitioner... Read more (EMDR-II), Florida Qualified Supervisor (FQS) and State of FL Supreme Court Certified Mediator. He is on the Board of Directors of APSATS (The Associaton of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists). At their center, CORE Relationship Recovery, in collaboration with his wife and business partner, Sharon Rinearson (LCSW, Certified Clinical Partner Specialist, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, Cert. Play Therapist, and a Board member of APSATS), James applies an insightful and nuanced approach, resulting in a tough-love reputation that CORE clients appreciate: "James and Sharon aren't afraid to call us on our stuff," one client stated. "But what makes CORE different? Here we know we are genuinely LOVED—deeply, wholly and safely." Read less

(James W is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in West Palm Beach)

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Questions: 20 | Last updated: Jan 23, 2026

Sample Question

When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

My partner says they’re still attracted to me, but we barely have sex anymore. Is this just what long-term relationships turn into?

Anny

This really messed with my head because I always thought attraction = sex. Turns out stress and exhaustion killed our libido more than anything else. It did improve, but not on its own.

James

People say it’s normal, but I don’t think feeling unwanted should just be brushed off as normal. Talking about it was awkward and uncomfortable, but it helped.

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