Marriage.com Survey of 2,300 Adults Finds 70% Avoid 4 Key Relationship Conversations

Behind closed doors, it’s not what couples say, but what they avoid, that defines their connection.

Silence is one of the biggest threats to modern relationships. More than the arguments couples have, it’s the conversations they avoid that slowly erode the connection. Nearly 70% of adults dodge crucial talks with their partners, with emotions and sex ranking highest among them.

Our new Marriage.com survey of more than 2,300 U.S. adults reveals just how common it is for partners to sidestep the hardest conversations.

For many, the silence comes from fear: of saying the wrong thing, of hurting their partner, or of making things worse. Others feel overwhelmed, unsure how to put feelings into words.

What emerges is a portrait of modern relationships where silence isn’t just the absence of words; it’s a choice shaped by caution, habit, and hope.

Key takeaways

Topics couples avoid: About 1 in 3 avoid discussing emotions (34%) or intimacy (33.8%).

Why they avoid it: Nearly 3 in 10 fear their partner’s reaction (29.8%) or worry conversations could harm the relationship (29.2%).

Impact on conflict: 4 in 10 say unresolved arguments tend to resurface in new fights.

Problem-solving gap: Only 22.9% of couples actively work together to find solutions.

Hopeful contrast: Despite these struggles, nearly 30% report no topic is off-limits — showing that full openness is possible.

1. The conversations couples dodge most

When asked which topics they avoid discussing with their partner, participants most often pointed to emotions or emotional needs (about 1 in 3 couples) and physical intimacy or sex (33.8%). These were followed by jealousy or trust (28.7%) and money or spending (25.7%), making them the four most avoided areas of conversation.

By gender:

• Men: More likely to avoid intimacy or sex (36% vs. 32%)
• Women: More likely to avoid emotions (35% vs. 33%)

Gender shapes avoidance differently: men lean toward intimacy, women toward emotions.

By relationship type, married couples were more likely to avoid conversations about money (28%), whereas those casually dating more often avoided discussions about future plans (26%).

These patterns reflect how priorities shift depending on where couples are in their journey — from financial stability in marriage to uncertainty about commitment while dating.

2. Why silence feels safer than speaking: The real reasons for avoidance

When asked what holds them back from difficult conversations, participants most often pointed to challenges in how to communicate.

Fear often drives silence. Nearly 3 in 10 couples said they avoid tough talks because they worry about their partner’s reaction (29.8%) or fear the conversation could harm the relationship itself (29.2%).

Beyond fear, couples cited other barriers:

• 30% said it’s hard to put their thoughts into words.
• 23% believed talking wouldn’t help at all.
• 1 in 5 admitted feeling overwhelmed (18.2%).
• 1 in 6 feared rejection or judgment (16.6%).

Together, these reasons show that silence is often less about indifference and more about emotional overwhelm or doubt.

By gender, women were slightly more likely than men to cite fear of their partner’s reaction (31% vs. 28%), while men leaned marginally higher toward believing ‘talking won’t help’ (25% vs. 22%). Even when the reasons differ, the outcome is the same — many couples leave difficult feelings unspoken.

3. When fights end without closure

Only 16.5% of couples say their disagreements always get resolved. For most, arguments linger as nearly 1 in 5 (18.6%) admit their fights often remain unsettled, while more than a third say this happens sometimes. 

Another 18.7% say their conflicts are rarely resolved, and a few describe their disputes as never resolved. This pattern suggests that for a majority of couples, closure is inconsistent at best. Disagreements often trail off without a clear resolution, leaving space for the same issues to resurface later.

The picture shifts slightly when looking at demographics.

By gender:

• Men: More likely to say their disagreements never remained unresolved (17%)
• Women: Slightly lower at 14%

Suggests men report greater confidence in achieving closure.

However, by the relationship stage, engaged couples stood out as the most likely to report arguments that often ended without resolution (26%), pointing to the unique pressures that arise in this transitional phase.

Even when conflicts don’t explode, leaving them half-finished or repeatedly unresolved can create tension beneath the surface. Couples may move on from the moment, but the disagreement itself isn’t forgotten — it’s stored away, waiting to re-emerge.

4. From shutting down to working it out: What disagreements look like

When asked how disagreements usually end, nearly half of couples defaulted to silence or avoidance — 36.5% said one partner shuts down or refuses to talk, while another 13.1% said the issue is simply sidestepped. A further 19.1% reported that one partner usually gets their way.

In contrast, fewer than 1 in 4 (22.9%) said they typically work together to find a solution. Taken together, more than two-thirds of disagreements lean toward withdrawal, avoidance, or imbalance, rather than collaboration.

Demographics add nuance to the picture:

• Women: More likely to report conflicts ending in shutdown (38% vs. 35%)
• Men: More likely to report one partner getting their way (21% vs. 17%)

Even though the pathways differ, the larger trend is clear: most disagreements end without teamwork, leaving only a minority of couples resolving issues side by side.

5. What really happens in the heat of a fight: Inside the argument

Disagreements rarely stay contained to the issue at hand. 4 in 10 couples (40%) said old arguments often resurface during new fights, turning current conflicts into recycled battles. Another 29% admitted that fights sometimes cross into insults or name-calling.

Meanwhile, 37% said they feel overwhelmed in the moment, underscoring the emotional weight many couples experience during conflict.

Smaller but still telling patterns emerged:

• 18% said one partner walks away or leaves the room.
• 16% reported shutting down emotionally.
• Just 8.5% said they managed to stay kind or playful during conflict.

These smaller behaviors may not dominate the numbers, but they reveal the subtle ways couples cope — or fail to cope — when arguments heat up.

The picture looks slightly different across demographics. Women were more likely than men to report feeling overwhelmed during disagreements (40% vs. 34%), while men reported a higher likelihood of resorting to insults (31% vs. 27%).

By relationship stage, engaged couples stood out as the most likely to drag old fights into new ones (44%), compared to married couples (38%).

Together, the data suggest that many arguments are less about resolution and more about re-triggering past grievances or flooding emotions. Old wounds return, voices rise, and productive problem-solving takes a back seat.

6. How couples are trying (and struggling) to communicate better

When it comes to improving communication, many couples turn first to familiar sources. Nearly 3 in 10 (29.4%) said they ask friends or family for advice, while 27.7% reported using self-help resources such as books or online content.

Fewer couples lean on structured approaches. Roughly 1 in 5 (20.9%) set shared rules for how to communicate, 14.5% tried therapy, and only 9.5% scheduled regular check-ins — meaning fewer than 1 in 5 couples are using more formal methods overall.

Notably, almost 30% of couples said they had not tried any method at all to improve communication, leaving many issues unresolved.

Patterns varied by both gender and relationship stage.

• Women (29%): More likely to lean on self-help (books, podcasts, classes).
• Men (32%): More likely to say they’ve tried none of the listed strategies.

These differences suggest women tend to seek resources, while men are more likely to disengage from active problem-solving.

By status, married couples were somewhat more likely to report trying structured approaches such as setting rules, while dating couples stood out for reporting the highest share of “no attempts” overall.

Even when couples recognize the need to improve, the effort often stops at informal fixes or no attempt at all. The data shows that while many try, fewer commit to consistent or structured strategies — leaving a clear gap between intent and action.

Breaking the silence before it breaks us 

Avoiding tough conversations doesn’t happen because couples don’t care — it happens because they care deeply, but feel unprepared or afraid. Yet the data shows silence comes at a cost: unresolved arguments, recycled fights, and emotional distance that grows slowly over time.

The hopeful truth?

Change is possible. Couples already reaching out for advice, testing self-help strategies, or setting new rules are proving that even small efforts matter.

Nearly 1 in 3 individuals already feel fully open and comfortable talking about anything, reporting that no topic is off-limits. This is a reminder that healthier models of openness are within reach.

Silence may feel safer in the moment, but long-term connection depends on courage, trust, and the willingness to keep speaking — even when the words don’t come easily.

Ready to stop dodging the hard talks? Explore marriage.com’s expert-backed guides and courses designed to help couples build the courage to connect.

Methodology

A survey of 2,399 U.S. adults in committed relationships — dating, engaged, cohabiting, or married — was conducted in August 2025. Respondents across age, gender, and region reported on avoided topics, unresolved conflicts, disagreement patterns, and communication strategies. All data was self-reported and collected anonymously.

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