Who Is a Male Masochist? Types & Myths

Pain and pleasure… funny how they sometimes go hand in hand! 

For some men, feeling pain brings a rush of excitement, comfort, or even peace; it’s not just about ropes or spanking, but trust, emotions, and feeling free. 

A male masochist can be quiet, loud, serious, or playful—there’s no single “type.” People often wonder what’s going on in his mind, and there are plenty of myths and mix-ups out there. But really, he’s just a guy looking for connection, fun, and a way to be himself. 

There’s so much more to his world than meets the eye…

Who is a male masochist?

A male masochist is a man who feels pleasure, excitement, or emotional relief from experiences that involve some form of pain, discomfort, or giving up control. 

It doesn’t mean there’s anything “wrong” with him; it’s simply part of who he is. For many, these feelings are tied to trust, safety, and deeper emotional connections rather than just physical sensations. 

The male masochist definition often includes emotional or mental elements, not just physical pain.

For example, a masochistic male might enjoy playful spanking during sex, or he might push himself to run long distances even when it hurts because he finds it strangely satisfying.

Please note: If you’re a male masochist yourself, or care about someone who is, please remember—there’s nothing shameful about exploring who you are. You deserve understanding, respect, and kindness… always.

4 types of male masochists

Masochism isn’t always what people imagine. While many think only of sexual acts, there are several different ways a male masochist might experience or express his feelings. 

Experts like Freud and modern researchers have helped us understand that masochism can be sexual, emotional, moral, or even tied to personal growth. Each type is unique and doesn’t mean someone is “damaged” or “wrong.” It’s simply one part of human diversity and how people seek pleasure, relief, or meaning.

1. Sexual masochism

Sexual masochism, also known as erotic masochism, happens when a man feels sexual pleasure or excitement from physical pain, discomfort, or surrendering control. It’s not about wanting real harm but about sensations, trust, and emotional connection.

Example: A male masochist might enjoy being lightly spanked, tied up, or teased during sex, not because he likes pain itself, but because it makes him feel desired, safe, and fully alive in the moment.

2. Psychological masochism

Psychological masochism involves finding comfort or relief in emotional pain rather than physical pain. A man might seek out harsh criticism, rejection, or emotionally challenging situations because it feels familiar or oddly satisfying.

Example: A masochistic male might stay in a relationship where he’s often criticized, not because he enjoys being hurt, but because the emotional struggle makes him feel needed or gives him a sense of purpose. 

3. Moral masochism

Moral masochism is about seeking out suffering to relieve guilt or feel worthy. A man might unconsciously put himself in situations where he suffers, takes the blame unfairly, or sacrifices his own needs for others.

Example: A male masochist might work long hours without recognition, believing he deserves to be exhausted for not being “good enough,” or he might always help others at his own expense, thinking he has to “pay his dues.”

4. Adaptive masochism

Adaptive masochism is about choosing short-term discomfort to reach a bigger goal or feel pleasure later. It’s often healthy and tied to personal growth, discipline, and resilience.

Research Highlight: A 2018 systematic review found adaptive masochism is the healthiest type because it transforms discomfort into positive outcomes, rather than creating shame or guilt. It’s seen as a normal part of human motivation.

Example: A male masochist might push himself through grueling exercise routines, feeling the burn yet loving the pride and rush afterward, or he might save his favorite dessert for last, savoring the delicious anticipation.

9 telling signs of male masochists

Everyone’s experiences and desires are unique, and there’s a wide range of ways a masochistic male might show signs of enjoying pain, discomfort, or giving up control. These signs don’t always mean someone definitely identifies as a masochist, but they can offer clues. 

Understanding them can help people feel more accepted and build better connections, whether in romantic relationships or everyday life. Let’s explore some of the most common signs you might notice.

1. Enjoying certain kinds of pain

Some men genuinely enjoy physical sensations that others might avoid, like spanking, scratching, or mild stinging feelings. For a male masochist, these sensations can be exciting or comforting. It’s not always about intense pain; sometimes, even small discomforts feel pleasurable. 

This can happen both in sexual contexts and outside of them. It’s all about how the body and mind connect pleasure with certain feelings.

• Example: He might love the sharp sting of a tattoo needle, finding it oddly thrilling rather than painful.

2. Seeking emotional challenges

A masochistic male might put himself in situations that cause emotional pain, like choosing partners who are critical or harsh. It’s not that he enjoys suffering for its own sake, but emotional pain can feel familiar or strangely satisfying. 

Some find meaning, purpose, or even relief through emotional struggles. It can also come from feeling needed in challenging relationships. It’s important to note this isn’t always conscious or intentional.

• Example: He stays in a relationship where his partner often puts him down, because the ups and downs feel emotionally intense and meaningful.

3. Loving intense physical challenges

Some men push themselves to physical limits, enjoying the discomfort that comes with endurance sports, extreme fitness, or other physically demanding activities. For a male masochist, the pain becomes part of the reward and creates a sense of pride or achievement. 

It’s not necessarily sexual, but it involves finding pleasure in discomfort. Experts call this “adaptive masochism,” and it can be quite healthy. It’s a way of turning pain into personal growth.

• Example: He trains for marathons despite knowing he’ll end up sore and exhausted, loving the sense of accomplishment afterward.

4. Enjoying being guided or directed

Some men find comfort and even joy in letting someone else take the lead, especially when they deeply trust that person. For a masochistic male, following another’s guidance can bring a sense of relief, security, and emotional closeness. 

It’s not just about physical sensations, but feeling cared for and supported. This dynamic can happen in daily life, not only intimate moments. Many describe it as feeling safe and understood when someone else gently takes charge.

• Example: He feels calm and reassured when his partner plans activities or sets gentle rules, enjoying the ease of not having to decide everything himself.

5. Finding comfort in vulnerability 

For some men, moments of gentle teasing or feeling a bit embarrassed can bring unexpected comfort or emotional intensity. A male masochist might appreciate situations where he’s playfully challenged or lightly embarrassed, as long as it’s safe and respectful. 

This experience is often tied to trust and openness, helping to build closeness between partners. It’s not about wanting constant humiliation but about exploring vulnerability in a caring environment. For many, these moments feel meaningful and create a strong emotional connection

• Example: He feels a secret thrill when his partner playfully calls him silly names or makes him blush in private.

6. Feeling guilty and self-punishing

Sometimes, a masochistic male might cope with feelings of guilt by punishing himself, either emotionally or physically. Freud called this “moral masochism.” 

Research has shown that guilt can make people hurt themselves as a way to relieve emotional tension. It’s not about wanting to suffer but about finding relief from heavy feelings. Therapy can be helpful if this becomes distressing.

• Example: He insists on taking the blame for problems, even when it’s not his fault, believing he deserves to suffer a bit for past mistakes.

7. Seeking strong physical sensations

Some men are naturally drawn to powerful physical experiences that others might find uncomfortable. For a male masochist, things like heat, cold, or sharp sensations can feel invigorating or satisfying. 

It’s often about enjoying the rush of feeling alive and present in the moment. Many find that these intense feelings help them clear their mind or release tension. It’s simply part of how some people connect with their own bodies and emotions.

• Example: He enjoys taking ice-cold showers because the shock wakes him up and makes him feel refreshed and alert.

8. Enjoying the wait for rewards

Some men find satisfaction in making themselves wait for things they really want, taking pleasure in the build-up and anticipation. For a male masochist, it’s about making the final reward feel even more special. 

This ability to wait can reflect strong discipline and self-control. It shows that masochistic traits can be part of healthy, everyday choices, not just extreme behaviors. It’s a reminder that patience can sometimes be its own kind of joy.

• Example: He buys his favorite dessert but leaves it untouched for a few days, savoring the excitement of finally enjoying it later.

9. Feeling emotionally light

One common sign is feeling relaxed, calm, or emotionally lighter after experiencing intense emotions. For a male masochist, pain sometimes acts like a release valve, helping them let go of stress or emotional burdens.

Researchers believe this might be connected to endorphins, the body’s natural “feel-good” chemicals. It’s an important part of why some men seek out certain experiences.

• Example: After a tough workout or a playful spanking session, he feels deeply peaceful and centered, as though a weight has lifted.

Why do some people become masochists: 5 reasons

Masochism might sound puzzling, but it’s not as rare or strange as many think. There’s no single cause that makes someone a male masochist—it’s usually a mix of different reasons. 

From biology to emotions, people find pleasure in pain or giving up control for many personal and unique reasons. Let’s look at some insights into why some people might become masochists.

1. Brain chemistry and endorphins

Some people’s brains release chemicals like endorphins during pain, which create feelings of calm, pleasure, or even euphoria. For a male masochist, this physical “high” can turn discomfort into something enjoyable. It’s like the rush runners feel after a hard workout. 

• Remember: Enjoying pain doesn’t mean someone wants real harm—it’s about how their body processes sensations.

2. Personality and emotional traits

Certain personality traits make some people more open to intense experiences or giving up control. A male masochist might feel relief in letting someone else lead or might crave strong emotions. It’s just one way people express themselves. Many find emotional safety and trust through these experiences.

• Remember: These traits don’t mean there’s anything wrong—it’s simply part of how some people are wired.

3. Coping with stress or emotions

Pain or surrendering control can sometimes act like a release valve for stress, guilt, or anxiety. Research shows that people feeling guilty sometimes hurt themselves as a way to feel better emotionally.

A masochistic male might find that controlled pain helps him feel lighter and calmer afterward. This can become a way to cope with intense emotions.

• Remember: Masochistic behaviors can be a coping tool, but if they cause distress, it’s good to seek support.

4. Past experiences and upbringing

Childhood experiences often shape adult desires, including masochistic interests. Growing up with strict rules, emotional neglect, or certain family dynamics might make some people connect love with sacrifice or pain. 

However, not all male masochists have difficult pasts—many discover these feelings simply through curiosity. It’s a unique mix of personal history and personality.

• Remember: Past experiences influence desires but don’t define someone completely.

5. Seeking new sensations and excitement

For some, becoming a male masochist starts from pure curiosity and the thrill of trying something new. Exploring different sensations, emotions, and power dynamics can feel exciting and deeply personal. 

It’s about learning what feels good and what brings connection. Healthy masochism is all about consent, trust, and personal choice.

• Remember: Many people explore masochism simply because it’s exciting—not because of trauma or problems.

5 myths of masochism

Masochism is surrounded by all sorts of myths that can leave people feeling misunderstood or judged. The truth is, a male masochist, like anyone else, deserves compassion and accurate information. 

The following myths are based on insights from multiple authoritative studies, including research published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine (2017) and Emotion (2013). These findings help us see masochism as a diverse and human experience, rather than something shameful or strange.

1. Masochism is always sexual

Many people believe masochism only exists in sexual situations, but that’s simply not true. A masochistic male might enjoy emotional or physical challenges unrelated to sex, such as running marathons or enduring cold plunges. 

Pain or discomfort can bring feelings of achievement or release. It’s a deeply personal experience, and sexual masochism is just one part of the picture.

2. Masochists have mental health problems

It’s a common myth that a male masochist must be mentally ill. However, many people with masochistic interests are perfectly healthy and happy. 

Having these desires doesn’t automatically mean someone is damaged or unstable. The key difference is whether the behavior causes distress or harm, which is true for any human desire.

3. Masochists always have a history of trauma

People often think that only those with traumatic pasts become masochists, but that’s not the whole story. While trauma can play a role for some, it’s not the only cause.

A masochistic male might discover these feelings through curiosity, personality traits, or simply enjoying intense sensations. Everyone’s path is unique.

4. Masochists like being abused

This is one of the most harmful myths out there. A male masochist does not want to be abused or mistreated outside of consensual, safe contexts.

Masochism, especially in relationships, relies on trust, clear boundaries, and mutual respect. Abuse, on the other hand, is non-consensual harm and has nothing to do with healthy masochism.

5. Masochists have low self-esteem

Many believe that a masochistic male must lack confidence or have low self-esteem. Yet plenty of masochists are confident, successful, and emotionally balanced. 

For some, masochism even strengthens their self-awareness and trust in relationships. It’s about personal choice, not about feeling worthless.

When can masochism become harmful?

Masochism isn’t automatically harmful. For many, it’s a safe, consensual way to feel pleasure or release stress. But sometimes, it can become risky or upsetting for a male masochist if it starts causing real harm, either physically or emotionally.

It’s important to know the warning signs and how to cope safely. Let’s explore when masochism might cross the line into something harmful and what someone can do about it.

1. When it causes physical injury

Masochism can become harmful if activities lead to cuts, bruises, burns, or other injuries that go beyond what’s safe or intended. A male masochist might feel tempted to push boundaries, chasing a bigger rush each time. 

Without proper limits, this can become dangerous. Safety tools and techniques exist to keep physical play safer, but ignoring them puts health at risk. Always remember, consent doesn’t mean ignoring medical safety.

• How to deal: Learn about safe practices, use safe words, and seek partners who respect boundaries. If injuries happen, seek medical help without shame.

2. When it’s driven by guilt or shame

Sometimes, a masochistic male might engage in painful experiences because he feels he “deserves” punishment for guilt or shame. 

It’s often tied to deep emotional struggles or past trauma. While some discomfort can be a healthy exploration, constant guilt-driven behavior can lead to emotional harm. It’s important not to use pain as self-punishment long-term.

• How to deal: Talk to a therapist who understands sexual and emotional health. Therapy can help separate healthy desires from harmful self-punishment.

3. When it’s the only way to cope

Masochism might become harmful if it becomes someone’s only tool for handling stress, sadness, or anger. A male masochist might rely on humiliation to escape emotions rather than dealing with them directly. 

Over time, this can limit emotional growth. Healthy coping includes many tools, not just one. Balance is key to mental well-being.

• How to deal: Build other coping skills like journaling, talking to trusted friends, exercise, or relaxation techniques. A mental health professional can help expand coping options.

4. When it harms relationships

Masochistic desires might strain relationships if a partner feels uncomfortable, unsafe, or pressured. A masochistic male might struggle to explain his needs or feel rejected when a partner doesn’t share the same interests. 

Misunderstandings or secrets can create distance. Healthy relationships require open communication, respect, and shared consent. Without these, resentment or hurt can build up over time.

• How to deal: Talk openly with partners about desires and boundaries. Consider couples therapy with a sex-positive therapist to improve understanding and connection.

Watch this TED Talk by Sarri Gilman, therapist and author, who shares how setting personal boundaries enhances relationships and overall well-being 

5. When it causes emotional distress

Masochism should feel safe and consensual, not leave someone feeling deeply sad, scared, or out of control. If activities result in lasting emotional pain or regret, it might be a sign that something’s wrong. 

A male masochist deserves experiences that bring joy, not ongoing suffering. It’s okay to change limits if something stops feeling good. No one should feel trapped by their desires.

• How to deal: Step back from harmful activities and reflect on feelings. Seek help from a therapist experienced in issues to process distress and create healthier boundaries.

Final thoughts

Masochism is a part of human diversity and doesn’t define a person’s worth. A male masochist deserves respect and the freedom to explore his desires safely and without shame. While myths and misunderstandings can create fear or judgment, the reality is far more nuanced and deeply human. 

When approached with care, consent, and self-awareness, masochism can be a healthy way to connect, find pleasure, or experience emotional release.

Understanding and empathy help create a world where everyone can live authentically and safely.