The Truth and the Myth of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love sounds like the ultimate dream… the kind of love where, no matter what, you’ll always be loved.

But is it truly possible?

Relationships often come with expectations, needs, and boundaries that make love feel more complex than the fairytales we hear growing up. While the idea of loving someone without any conditions is beautiful, it’s not always realistic.

After all, we’re human, and our feelings can change, sometimes unexpectedly. Yet, many hold onto the myth of unconditional love, believing that real love means never faltering, never questioning.

But perhaps there’s more to it than that.

What does unconditional love truly mean in a relationship?

Unconditional love in romantic relationships means loving someone without expecting anything in return, right?

Well… not exactly. It’s about accepting your partner as they are, flaws and all, and standing by them through the highs and lows. But that doesn’t mean you overlook unhealthy behaviors or sacrifice your own needs!

When someone loves you unconditionally, they care for you deeply, but they also respect boundaries, communicate openly, and understand that love doesn’t mean losing yourself.

According to Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz, LCSW:

Loving someone unconditionally doesn’t mean you must unconditionally tolerate harmful behavior.

It’s more about growing together, supporting one another, and recognizing that love isn’t perfect… it’s human.

5 common myths surrounding unconditional love

The myth of unconditional love can sometimes create unrealistic expectations in relationships. While the idea sounds beautiful, many people misunderstand what unconditional love really means. 

It’s important to separate these myths from reality so couples and love can thrive in a healthy way. Here are 5 common myths to be aware of!

1. Unconditional love means accepting everything without question

Many believe that unconditional love means putting up with anything, even unhealthy behaviors, to keep the relationship going. But that’s not the case!

Dr. Jenni Schulz highlights that:

You do not have to tolerate mistreatment; abuse and love do not go hand-in-hand—they cannot exist in the same space where respect is supposed to live.

The myth of unconditional love ignores the need for boundaries and self-respect. True love allows space for open communication, trust, and growth without sacrificing your own well-being.

2. You should never feel angry or disappointed with your partner

The myth of unconditional love suggests that if you love someone deeply, you’ll never experience negative emotions toward them. But couples and love are complex!

It’s normal to feel upset or frustrated sometimes. Unconditional love means working through those feelings with patience, not pretending they don’t exist.

3. Unconditional love is one-sided

Some believe unconditional love is one-sided, meaning one person gives endlessly without receiving anything back. But real love is a partnership!

Unconditional, one-sided love is unhealthy and exhausting. Both partners should feel valued, respected, and cared for, ensuring that the love shared is mutual and balanced.

4. If it’s unconditional, love never changes

The myth of unconditional love makes it seem like feelings will remain the same forever, no matter what happens. But love evolves over time as couples grow and change.

It’s natural for relationships to shift, and unconditional love adapts to those changes rather than staying stuck in one place.

5. Unconditional love means never needing space

Some think that true love means being inseparable, but that’s unrealistic! The myth of unconditional love overlooks the importance of personal space and independence in a relationship.

Taking time for yourself strengthens your bond, allowing both partners to maintain their individuality while sharing a deep connection.

7 signs unconditional love can lead to unhealthy dynamics in a relationship

Unconditional love sounds beautiful, but it can sometimes lead to unhealthy patterns in relationships. When love is given without boundaries or respect for personal needs, it can cause emotional strain or imbalance.

It’s important to recognize when this well-meaning love starts to harm instead of heal. Here are 7 signs to watch out for and ways to address them.

1. Ignoring personal boundaries

When unconditional love leads to constantly disregarding your own boundaries, it can create resentment and emotional exhaustion.

Healthy love involves respecting both partners’ needs for space, time, and personal growth. Ignoring these boundaries for the sake of “unconditional love” can cause one partner to feel overwhelmed and neglected.

• How to work on it

Start by having open conversations about your boundaries and why they matter to you. Encourage your partner to share their needs, too. Setting clear limits helps maintain respect and prevents feelings of being overwhelmed or smothered.

2. Sacrificing self-respect

Loving someone without limits should never mean sacrificing your own self-respect. 

If one partner consistently feels undervalued or taken for granted, the relationship can become unhealthy. Unconditional love doesn’t require you to accept mistreatment or lower your standards just to keep the peace.

• How to work on it

Focus on building mutual respect within the relationship. If your self-respect is being compromised, address it openly with your partner. Make sure both of you feel valued and heard, and never hesitate to stand up for yourself when needed.

3. One-sided emotional labor

When only one person is putting in the effort to make the relationship work, it creates an imbalance.

If unconditional love is used as an excuse for one partner to carry all the emotional weight, it can leave them feeling drained and unappreciated. Both partners should be contributing equally to maintain a healthy dynamic.

• How to work on it

Share the emotional load by ensuring both partners are equally invested in the relationship. Talk about how responsibilities and emotional support can be balanced better. Practicing gratitude and acknowledging each other’s efforts can strengthen the connection.

4. Feeling obligated to forgive everything

Forgiveness is important, but unconditional love can sometimes make one feel pressured to forgive everything without addressing real issues.

Constantly brushing problems under the rug for the sake of love can lead to unresolved conflicts and growing resentment. True love requires honest communication and working through problems together.

• How to work on it

Instead of rushing to forgive, take the time to discuss and resolve the underlying issues. Forgiveness should be meaningful and not just an automatic response. Work on resolving conflicts together in a way that respects both partners’ feelings.

5. Neglecting individual needs

When unconditional love becomes the focus, individual needs often get overlooked. In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel supported in pursuing their own goals and taking care of themselves.

If one person’s needs are constantly being pushed aside for the sake of the other, the relationship can become emotionally draining.

• How to work on it

Create space for individual growth alongside your relationship. Encourage each other to pursue personal goals, hobbies, and interests. A healthy balance between time spent together and apart can nurture both your individual and shared well-being.

6. Becoming overly dependent

Unconditional love can sometimes blur the lines between love and dependency. When one partner becomes overly reliant on the other for emotional fulfillment, it can create an unhealthy dynamic.

A balanced relationship allows both partners to maintain their independence while supporting each other, not relying solely on the other person for happiness.

• How to work on it

Focus on cultivating emotional independence. Spend time apart to pursue your individual passions and build a life outside the relationship. By doing this, you’ll both grow stronger together and as individuals.

Watch this video where Heidi Priebe, a certified emotional intelligence coach, explains the difference between codependence and interdependence and how much one should rely on their partners:

7. Avoiding accountability

The idea of unconditional love can sometimes be used as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for mistakes or hurtful actions.

If one partner feels they can do no wrong because they’re “loved unconditionally,” it can lead to unhealthy behaviors. Accountability is crucial for maintaining trust and respect in any relationship.

• How to work on it

Practice accountability by owning up to mistakes and addressing them head-on. Both partners should be willing to apologize and make changes when necessary. Building a culture of accountability strengthens trust and deepens your connection.

Is it realistic to expect unconditional love in a romantic relationship?

The truth is… love in real life is often more complicated than the stories we hear! While many want to believe in a love that never falters, it’s important to recognize that relationships come with boundaries, needs, and personal growth.

So, does unconditional love exist?

In a sense, yes, but it’s more about accepting your partner’s imperfections while still respecting yourself. Love can be deep and lasting without losing sight of healthy communication, trust, and mutual care.

Real love involves effort and understanding, not a perfect, all-encompassing ideal.

FAQs

Unconditional love is often misunderstood, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. While it’s a beautiful concept, it can look different depending on the type of relationship. Here are some common questions about unconditional love and how it can affect romantic dynamics.

• How does unconditional love differ between romantic relationships and familial love?

Unconditional love in romantic relationships often involves mutual support, trust, and personal growth, while familial love is usually based on lifelong bonds formed early in life.

Romantic love requires more conscious effort, communication, and balance as both partners grow and change together. Familial love, while also complex, tends to come with deeper, more inherent acceptance.

• What role does self-love play in understanding unconditional love?

Self-love is crucial in understanding unconditional love. Without valuing and respecting yourself, you may sacrifice your needs or boundaries in the name of unconditional love.

Healthy love requires both partners to practice self-care, ensuring that the relationship doesn’t lead to unhealthy dynamics or emotional strain. Self-love helps maintain balance and mutual respect.

• Is unconditional love always beneficial for a relationship’s growth?

Unconditional love isn’t always beneficial if it means overlooking harmful behaviors or sacrificing personal well-being. A relationship thrives when both partners respect boundaries, communicate openly, and support each other’s growth.

If unconditional love becomes one-sided or creates unhealthy patterns, it can hinder a relationship’s ability to grow in a healthy, sustainable way.

So, the verdict…

Unconditional love sounds like a dream, but in reality, it can sometimes blur the lines between healthy and unhealthy dynamics. Love should always include respect, boundaries, and personal growth.

Loving someone deeply doesn’t mean losing yourself or accepting harmful behaviors! Instead, it’s about finding balance, supporting each other through ups and downs, and allowing space for both partners to thrive.

So, is unconditional love possible?

In some ways, yes… but it doesn’t mean letting go of what you need or deserve. A strong, healthy relationship allows love to grow within the framework of mutual care, understanding, and respect. That’s the kind of love that truly lasts.