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  • 100 Points

Sjohnson246

  • Sjohnson246 asked
    Fiance With Parent Money Issues
    My fiancé and are getting married in December and have about 1/3 of our wedding paid/saved for. His mother had told him at the beginning of our engagement that it was the "bride's responsibility to pay for the wedding." Note: his parents are huge spenders without hesitation, and so my fiancé. Once there is something better and new, they must have it. It has been an issue in the past we have talked about many times. Currently, I work two jobs and over 70 hours a week just to save for the wedding. So far, I have paid for everything up to this point (five months’ worth of saving). My fiancé earns a significant amount more than I do and has just recently contributed a whole $200 towards the wedding compared to my thousands. In the past month, unexpectedly, I had to buy a new car. I got a used, cheaper car. Granted, it is a nice vehicle, but it’s not my dream car. I knew I was not in the best financial position to buy something nice. Not even two days after me getting my new car, my fiancé decides to buy a new car too, because he wants an upgrade. Note: he has spent thousands of dollars on his car to enhance the look of it in the past. After spending a whole paycheck on new headlights, the week before his big decision, my fiance decides to ask me about the new car he’s been looking at. I had told him how I do not support the decision, because we cannot afford to entertain his “hobby.” We have a wedding and a house to save for, and the money could go towards something worthwhile, especially since his current car is in perfectly good shape. The car he was looking at is twice as expensive as mine and more of a leisure car. He informed me on how much the car would cost and that he could afford the car and save for the wedding on his own, without support. I was hesitant, but I attempted to compromise and ask if he was willing to wait until after the wedding, he did not agree. My answer was no. He should not get the car at this time. Because he did not like my answer, he went to his mother and told her about our disagreement. She willingly handed him a $10,000 check and told him it was for us to use on whatever we needed. First off, who has that money to just hand over? And second, she knew he was going to buy the car and she had encouraged him to do so. Without my knowledge of the check, my fiancé and I had made weekend plans to go to a vendor fair. Along the way, he tells me he needs to “make a stop.” We had stopped at the dealer. I was frustrated he was still thinking about the car, but I let it go (still unaware of the check). I noticed there was a “sold” sign on it and asked why. He had told me about the check at this time. He told me we had been given a check from his parents, but not to worry, because he was going to put $1,000 towards the wedding. I told him the money could have paid for our entire wedding and that the money saved up to this point could have gotten us a step ahead on our honeymoon or a house. I told him I was disappointed he did not discuss the check with me before he spent it, because I would have been willing to come up with some sort of compromise, had he not gone behind my back. He does not agree with my stand point and still thinks what he did was okay. He thinks because his parents gave him the go-ahead and the money, it was okay to do. We have had this conversation many times and he doesn’t even feel guilty about any part of it, rather is currently showing off his new car without a bit of remorse. This entire process between me getting my car and today has been three weeks. I am at a loss.
  • Sjohnson246 asked
    Fiance with Financial Spending Issues
    My fiancé and are getting married in December and have about 1/3 of our wedding paid/saved for. His mother had told him at the beginning of our engagement that it was the "bride's responsibility to pay for the wedding." Note: his parents are huge spenders without hesitation, and so my fiancé. Once there is something better and new, they must have it. It has been an issue in the past we have talked about many times. Currently, I work two jobs and over 70 hours a week just to save for the wedding. So far, I have paid for everything up to this point (five months’ worth of saving). My fiancé earns a significant amount more than I do and has just recently contributed a whole $200 towards the wedding compared to my thousands. In the past month, unexpectedly, I had to buy a new car. I got a used, cheaper car. Granted, it is a nice vehicle, but it’s not my dream car. I knew I was not in the best financial position to buy something nice. Not even two days after me getting my new car, my fiancé decides to buy a new car too, because he wants an upgrade. Note: he has spent thousands of dollars on his car to enhance the look of it in the past. After spending a whole paycheck on new headlights, the week before his big decision, my fiance decides to ask me about the new car he’s been looking at. I had told him how I do not support the decision, because we cannot afford to entertain his “hobby.” We have a wedding and a house to save for, and the money could go towards something worthwhile, especially since his current car is in perfectly good shape. The car he was looking at is twice as expensive as mine and more of a leisure car. He informed me on how much the car would cost and that he could afford the car and save for the wedding on his own, without support. I was hesitant, but I attempted to compromise and ask if he was willing to wait until after the wedding, he did not agree. My answer was no. He should not get the car at this time. Because he did not like my answer, he went to his mother and told her about our disagreement. She willingly handed him a $10,000 check and told him it was for us to use on whatever we needed. First off, who has that money to just hand over? And second, she knew he was going to buy the car and she had encouraged him to do so. Without my knowledge of the check, my fiancé and I had made weekend plans to go to a vendor fair. Along the way, he tells me he needs to “make a stop.” We had stopped at the dealer. I was frustrated he was still thinking about the car, but I let it go (still unaware of the check). I noticed there was a “sold” sign on it and asked why. He had told me about the check at this time. He told me we had been given a check from his parents, but not to worry, because he was going to put $1,000 towards the wedding. I told him the money could have paid for our entire wedding and that the money saved up to this point could have gotten us a step ahead on our honeymoon or a house. I told him I was disappointed he did not discuss the check with me before he spent it, because I would have been willing to come up with some sort of compromise, had he not gone behind my back. He does not agree with my stand point and still thinks what he did was okay. He thinks because his parents gave him the go-ahead and the money, it was okay to do. We have had this conversation many times and he doesn’t even feel guilty about any part of it, rather is currently showing off his new car without a bit of remorse. This entire process between me getting my car and today has been three weeks. I am at a loss.
  • Sjohnson246 asked
    Fiance with Bad Financial Habits
    My fiancé and are getting married in December and have about 1/3 of our wedding paid/saved for. His mother had told him at the beginning of our engagement that it was the "bride's responsibility to pay for the wedding." Note: his parents are huge spenders without hesitation, and so my fiancé. Once there is something better and new, they must have it. It has been an issue in the past we have talked about many times. Currently, I work two jobs and over 70 hours a week just to save for the wedding. So far, I have paid for everything up to this point (five months’ worth of saving). My fiancé earns a significant amount more than I do and has just recently contributed a whole $200 towards the wedding compared to my thousands. In the past month, unexpectedly, I had to buy a new car. I got a used, cheaper car. Granted, it is a nice vehicle, but it’s not my dream car. I knew I was not in the best financial position to buy something nice. Not even two days after me getting my new car, my fiancé decides to buy a new car too, because he wants an upgrade. Note: he has spent thousands of dollars on his car to enhance the look of it in the past. After spending a whole paycheck on new headlights, the week before his big decision, my fiance decides to ask me about the new car he’s been looking at. I had told him how I do not support the decision, because we cannot afford to entertain his “hobby.” We have a wedding and a house to save for, and the money could go towards something worthwhile, especially since his current car is in perfectly good shape. The car he was looking at is twice as expensive as mine and more of a leisure car. He informed me on how much the car would cost and that he could afford the car and save for the wedding on his own, without support. I was hesitant, but I attempted to compromise and ask if he was willing to wait until after the wedding, he did not agree. My answer was no. He should not get the car at this time. Because he did not like my answer, he went to his mother and told her about our disagreement. She willingly handed him a $10,000 check and told him it was for us to use on whatever we needed. First off, who has that money to just hand over? And second, she knew he was going to buy the car and she had encouraged him to do so. Without my knowledge of the check, my fiancé and I had made weekend plans to go to a vendor fair. Along the way, he tells me he needs to “make a stop.” We had stopped at the dealer. I was frustrated he was still thinking about the car, but I let it go (still unaware of the check). I noticed there was a “sold” sign on it and asked why. He had told me about the check at this time. He told me we had been given a check from his parents, but not to worry, because he was going to put $1,000 towards the wedding. I told him the money could have paid for our entire wedding and that the money saved up to this point could have gotten us a step ahead on our honeymoon or a house. I told him I was disappointed he did not discuss the check with me before he spent it, because I would have been willing to come up with some sort of compromise, had he not gone behind my back. He does not agree with my stand point and still thinks what he did was okay. He thinks because his parents gave him the go-ahead and the money, it was okay to do. We have had this conversation many times and he doesn’t even feel guilty about any part of it, rather is currently showing off his new car without a bit of remorse. This entire process between me getting my car and today has been three weeks. I am at a loss.
  • Sjohnson246 asked
    Fiance acquired parents' spending habits, parents support it.
    My fiancé and I, in our early 20’, are getting married in six months. 1/3 of our event is paid for, mostly by my savings. Recently, he got a promotion and a significant raise, but has yet to contribute to the saving. He is a huge spender and gets it from his parents, who are impulse buyers. Don’t get me wrong, they are good people, I just don’t agree with their financial decisions. Once he wants something, he gets it. We have had issues in the past about this, but it has never been this major. In the past month, unexpectedly, I had to buy a new car, though I had been thinking about it for the last year and a half. I knew I was not in the best financial position to buy something nice, so I stuck to a low budget. Two days later, my fiancé decides to buy a new car too, because he wants an upgrade. The car he wanted was way over budget. Note: he has spent thousands of dollars on former his car to enhance the look of it in the past. I had told him I do not support the decision, because we cannot afford to entertain his “hobby.” We have a wedding and a house to save for; the money could go towards something worthwhile. He continued to inform me on how he could afford it on his own without an issue and save for the wedding. I was hesitant, but I compromised and ask if he was willing to wait until after the wedding, he did not agree. My thoughts were no. He should not get the car at this time. He didn’t like that, so he went to his parents and told her about our disagreement. They willingly handed him a $10,000 check and told him it was for us to use on whatever we needed (them meaning the car). They told him to push through my opinion. Without my knowledge of the check, He tells me he just wants to go “look” at the car. I was frustrated he was still thinking about the it, but I let it go (still unaware of the check). I noticed there was a “sold” sign on it and asked why. He had told me about the check at this time. He told me we had been given a check from his parents, but not to worry, because he was going to put $1,000 towards the wedding. The money could have paid for our entire wedding and rest could have gotten us a step ahead on our honeymoon or a house. I told him I was disappointed he did not discuss the check with me before he spent it, because I would have been willing to come up with some sort of compromise, had he not gone behind my back. He does not agree with my stand point and still thinks what he did was okay, because his parents said it was. Without a sign of remorse, he has been showing off his new car. I have asked to sit down with a financial advisor, but he thinks spending the money on someone like that is ridiculous. Um, but not on the car? How can he not talk about this with me? Why do his parents’ views trump mine? How do I marry someone who is financially irresponsible and attached to their parents’ decisions? I am at a loss. I have never felt such disappointment in my relationship. I am looking for genuine advice that can keep my future marriage from falling apart.
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