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  • Lolita answered a question on Sep 04, 2015
    Why marriage is the only option for a single mother?
    I don't think it is the only option. Which is worse - being a single mother or being in an unhappy marriage? And not only is it bad for the husband and wife, but it is also destructive and harmful for the child. I stayed in an unhappy marriage for many years for the sake of my children. I only ended it when something happened that showed me that it was harming them. Studies have shown that it is best for a child to be raised in a happy home, regardless of whether there are one or two parents.
  • Lolita answered a question on Sep 04, 2015
    Does counseling for couples help them before marriage?
    Studies show that premarital counselling is one of the smartest thigs a couple can do. It may even lower the divorce rate. Issues are dealt with early on, before they have become deeply-embedded resentments. It is easier to see destructive patterns or problems and fix them while both partners are still madly in love and willing to do whatever it takes to make their relationship work.
  • Lolita answered a question on Sep 04, 2015
    What qualifications are required to be a marriage counselor?
    It varies from place to place, but it seems that to be a marriage counsellor, you need a Master's degree in marriage counselling and family therapy. You will first need to do a Bachelor's degree and then do 2 years' clinical experience. You will to be a good listener, a good communicator, good with people and compassionate.
  • Lolita answered a question on Sep 04, 2015
    My husband is having an affair with my sister. How can I flush him out of my life after knowing this?
    Wow. This is a double blow. Rebuilding relationships and trust after this is going to take time. Personally, I would divorce the man, but if you feel that he is truly repentant and wants to work it out, then by all means try. Otherwise walk away from him - to have an affair with your sister seems like more than just cheating; it seems cruel and vindictive. But you can't walk away from your sister. She must have known how this would hurt you, so what was she thinking? I would imagine that jealousy of you must play a large role. I would recommend that you see a therapist for help on how to forgive your sister and husband.
  • Lolita answered a question on Sep 04, 2015
    Can believing in God save your marriage?
    I think that believing in God will give you added strength and courage to fight for your marrige when others might have given up. I think that prayer provides a sense of relese and helps us to find answers. But believing in God is not a guarantee that your marriage will succeed. It depends on whether or not both parties are committed to saving the relationship.
  • Lolita answered a question on Sep 04, 2015
    How can marriage counseling help me in resolving issues after infidelity?
    Infidelity destroys trust and that is one of the hardest things to rebuild. So while counselling can help both parties to understand why it happened, it is entirely your choice whether or not to continue with the relationship. Don't judge yourself badly if you cannot trust that person again and decide to end it. I have seen relationships where a child has resulted from the infidelity nd they ahve had to take in the child as well. And yet because the husband was truly repentant and completely changed his ways, they have rebuilt their relationship and are still happily married 25 years later.
  • Lolita answered a question on Sep 04, 2015
    Does marriage therapists actually help couples in sorting out their problems?
    Most of the time we actually know the answers to our problems, deep down. A therapist is just someone who listens non-judgementally, sometimes asking a question to prod us into finding out what we really think about an issue. If you go together, the therapist will also help keep the peace and give each spouse a chance to state their side of the story.
  • Lolita answered a question on Sep 04, 2015
    How can I avoid everyday conflict in my marriage?
    Keep your eye on the big picture. It can be easy to let the little things irritate and annoy you, but are they really so important? Try to discuss them when you are both relaxed, and try to use ``I´´ instead of ``you´´, e.g. ``I feel upset when...´´. Sometimes there is something you can do differently that will make the outcome different, for example, if he always squeezes the tube of toothpaste in the middle, buy plastic tubes instead of metal ones. It sounds ridiculous, but the little things can kill a relationship, so it is worthwhile looking for easy ways to sort them out.
  • Lolita answered a question on Sep 04, 2015
    I need some best marriage advice for women that can help me in making my married life beautiful?
    Taking the time to do things together that you both enjoy is important. Make your spouse feel special by looking for things to compliment them for. If you mke your spouse feel good about themselves, they will be happy and that can only be good for a marriage. Make time for each other. It can be just having a meal together alone at home and then watching a DVD together. Or going for a walk in the country on your own.
  • Lolita answered a question on Sep 04, 2015
    I am seeking for a support in my marriage. Please help!
    Family does not always make the best supporters as they usually take one or the other side as they know you both well. A good friend who will keep your secrets can be invaluable. Sometimes just discussing a problem with someone lightens the load, and can help you to find solutions. Professional help can be expensive, though some community clinics offer free help. But don´t keep it all inside - find someone to talk to.
  • Lolita answered a question on Sep 04, 2015
    I need help with divorce court costs?
    Divorce is expensive. If, like me, your husband left you penniless with children to support, it may be necessary to simply separate. An uncontested divorce costs less. This means that you have worked out an agreement between you before you get to court. The documents will be drawn up by your lawyers beforehand and you will both sign Them. then it only takes a few minutes in court before a judge who will agree to the divorce.
  • Lolita answered a question on Sep 04, 2015
    I need breaking up advice as I am living with my boyfriend. Please help.
    Breaking up with someone you have been living with is as traumatic as a divorce, so read as much about divorce as you can. It will be traumatic and heart-breaking and you my wonder if you have done the right thing, but stick with your decision. Sit your partner down (if he is not abusive - otherwise take someone with you) and tell him it is the end in no uncertain terms. If you decide to end it, make it a clean break for both your sakes, so you can move on and heal.
  • Lolita answered a question on Sep 04, 2015
    What is the true meaning of love? How to find one?
    Love means different things to different people, but the basic definition would be caring enough about someone else to want to spend the rest of your life with them. You care about their welfare, you want them to succeed and want only what is best for them. You are prepared to stand by them in difficult times, and to be faithful to them at all times. It is not the sickly-sweet sentimentality of soppy cards and romantic movies. Love can take hard work because you care deeply for the other person and are willing to put in the effort to stay together.
  • Lolita answered a question on Sep 04, 2015
    What is the importance of civil marriage vows?
    The civil part of the vows is the legal part. You are declaring before witnesses that there is no legal reason why you cannot marry the other person (such as already being married to someone else) and that you are choosing the other person to legally become your spouse. It has to take place in front of an authorised person, usually someone legalised by that country. It provides protection for the spouses in case of death or divorce, when issues regarding property may arise.
  • Lolita answered a question on Sep 04, 2015
    What is the recipe for a happy marriage? How can I nourish my relationship?
    I agree with Walcott. I would like to add that you need to keep talking to each other. Good communication is vital. My husband and I used to lie in bed in the dark and talk for hours. It is quiet; there are no distractions like children work, telephones and emails. And it is easier to say things in the dark that you might not be brave enough to say in the daylight while you are looking at someone.
  • Lolita answered a question on Sep 04, 2015
    What is the real meaning of love? Has its definition changed?
    The definition of families and relationships has changed over the years but I think that the definition of love is still the same. The best definition I have found is in the Bible - Love is patient; kind; does not envy; does not boast; it is not proud; it does not dishonour others; it's not self-seeking and doesn't get angry easily; it doesn't keep a grudge-list; it is happy with good, and when good things happen to others; it protects; trusts; hopes, perseveres; and love never fails.
  • Lolita answered a question on Sep 03, 2015
    Need some tips on rebuilding life after divorce?
    I agree with Byrd54, often relocating can help. You are in a completely new place, where no one knows you and you can make a new start without all the drama from your married life. A new town or country gives you the space you need to sort through all the emotional fallout that is the result of a divorce.
  • Lolita answered a question on Sep 03, 2015
    What is the most common point of argument between couples in a marriage?
    I have to agree that most couples argue over money. It could be because of different saving habits or spending habits. It is something that should be discussed before you get married, but often isn´t. It usual gets worse when the children arrive, because then the wife is trying to buy things that the children need, such as school books or clothes, while the husband may feel that he earned his money and can spend it on something he wants ie. golf clubs or a new sports car.