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  • 4140 Points

Lifewanderer

  • Lifewanderer answered
    My husband does not want to have kids. Is this a sign of an unhealthy marriage?
    In my honest opinion, a healthy marriage is not dependent on having children. In fact, it is proper communication and shared goals between spouses that is part of whether a marriage is healthy. Perhaps before getting married you did not discuss this topic with your husband. Now is the time to do it and find out what is the real reason for this resistance to having kids.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    How should I save my marriage from falling apart?
    Sometimes when you're in the middle of it all, it can be overwhelming. Although it's cliched, I'd like to say that everything has a solution. As the other commentors mentioned, professional help can sometimes give objective opinions on the progress of the marriage, and help teach new methods of coping with stress and conflicts together. A professional can also sometimes remind both of you of each other's good qualities. It will help if both yourself and your spouse are open to the idea.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Love, relationships and even marriages - why are they all so complicated?
    I believe that relationships appear to be complicated because people often have unrealistic expectations of it that of course cannot be fulfilled in real life. We choose to ignore that relationships are ever changing and require our constant efforts, even though we can grow to be comfortable with them. We have to stop thinking of fairytales and fantasies when thinking of marriages.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    We are newlyweds and I am suspicious of my mother-in-law of not being happy with me. How can I save our marriage?
    Usually mothers-in-law are doing what they feel are best for their sons, and sometimes may be a sense of loss especially their son who was so dependent on them before the marriage are now not so quick to come to them with any problems they may have. She can thus feel threatened, which can also make you feel the same. It is important to tread carefully in this case, and do not put your husband in between yourself and his mum as it might cause family strains.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    How can I make my life stable by avoiding all marriage problems?
    If you want to avoid all marriage problems, then don't get married. That's the only solution I can think of. Even then, you might have problems arising from a lack of marriage. For example, your relatives might keep badgering you on about when you're getting married and so on. But if you already are married, suck it up and accept the problems big or small, but make sure to do your best to resolve them as well.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Why one should go for a marriage and family counseling?
    Marriage and family counselling can give you new insight into the relationship especially when you are in the middle of it all and might have a narrow minded view of the situation. When someone else gives their objective opinion on the issue, sometimes we are able to accept it and take the necessary actions to remedy the situation. In addition, couselling can provide using and effective conflict management or personal tips that are essential to your relationships and situation.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Tell me some of the smartest marriage tips that can help me in long run?
    It's important to always make time with your spouse and reconnect with each other on a daily basis so you can keep up with each other's lives outside of the marriage. Learn when to give and take. Sometimes it's just not worth it to sweat the small stuff. If you stay mad at all the little things, there will be no end to it. Learn to live with some of your other half's quirks and you can see that life might be somewhat easier. Most of all, work as a team. This can be done in many ways - either one person can be a leader with another playing a support role, or both can be equal partners working hand in hand.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    I am a lesbian and have been hiding this truth from my parents. How can I tell my parents about my affair?
    The fact that you're hiding the truth from your parents means you probably think that they oppose the idea of lesbianism. If you want to have a feel of how they would react, you could try discussing the topic with them - casually mention that you have someone in work or at school who is in a lesbian relationship but are being pressured to break it off. Then ask your parents what they think of it. Their reply should tell you whether you should continue to consider telling them.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What causes jealousy in a romantic relationship?
    When we are in a romantic relationship, we often like to think that our partner is exclusive to us because they have given joy and love that seems special. When there are other people in the picture who seem like threats, we start to feel jealous and possessive of them. This is because we are afraid that the threat will take away our special love and leave us with nothing.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    How can I fix my marriage without going to the counselor?
    There are many books and online articles that you can consult for tips and tricks of how to fix a marriage. You have to search for a book that appears relevant and applicable to yourself and your spouse and do your best to implement those tactics for your marriage. This will only work however, if both you and your spouse are committed to making the best of the marriage.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    How can I fix my parent's troubled marriage?
    The troubles between your parents are solely theirs, and it take both of their efforts to fix their marriage. You might not be able to fix the marriage all by your efforts, but you can help steer your parents towards a positive outlook on the marriage. For example, you can direct them to go for marriage counselling to give them a head start in marriage recovery.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Is it possible to save your marriage alone?
    There is no certain answer to this question, I feel, as it all depends on your current situation. If the imminent problem stems from you, then yes your sole efforts could help save the marriage. There is a saying that goes, 'We can't control others, and we can only control ourselves'. Sometimes a change in attitudes or behaviors from one person can drastically change a marriage for the better.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Need some tips to save my marriage. My husband is still in touch with his ex. What can I do?
    If you haven't, tell your husband that you are uncomfortable with him still talking to his ex. If he loves and understands your point of view, he should stop communicating with his ex. However, if he is very good friends with the ex and the situation does not allow for him to entirely cut off the communication, then let him know what are the boundaries for his interactions with his ex. Understand that the boundaries you set for will also apply to you.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    How can I seek marital help online?
    There are many online resources available, even on this very website - Marriage.com, which has tons of guidelines and references to experts. There you can have access to many marriage ideas, and techniques which you can use to apply to your marriage. Many therapists also offer online consultation if you don't have the time to commute to their office.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    I am tring to save my marriage after infidelity. Are there any positive chances for it?
    Positive chances are only possible if both parties are willing to forgive each other with regards to the infidelity and want to work hard together to build trust and love in the relationship again. It's worthwhile to try and understand what lead to the infidelity and what can be done in the future to prevent it from happening. If efforts are made to address the needs of both partners in this vulnerable time, a strong and solid foundation for marriage can be built again.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    When should a Christian couple seek marriage counselling?
    If you have access to it, Christian couples should seek counselling even before they get into the marriage. This gives them the chance to prepare themselves for their marriages and also dispel any unrealistic expectations they may have. Having pre-marital counselling can also help couples build the necessary skills to help build a strong and healthy relationship and even how to communicate effectively with each other.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    I am 16. Is it normal to have an affair with a person who is twice my age?
    No it's not. Firstly, you are very young, and should be working in developing yourself both emotionally, financially and psychologically. Being with an older person might force you to develop your personality and lifestyle around that person since you usually would view him or her as more mature and knowledgeable. At 16 you're still curious and energetic about life, but for the older person perhaps not too much. It would be a better idea to find someone closer to your age.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    I have made a lot of friends over online chat. How to get over that habit it's really addictive?
    Online chatting can sometimes give the illusion that you are popular and have many friends, however, they might not be the case in the offline world. It's a good thing that you recognise the fact that you are addicted. Self-awareness is the first key step. The next part is to regulate your chatting time. You don't have to go cold turkey. In fact, doing so might make you relapse even more. Instead cut back your time spent chatting. If you usually chat 8 hours a day, the push it down to 1 hour a day. Ensure that there are no reminders during the other times of the day that would make you want to chat.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    How much has internet computer dating changed over the years?
    Internet dating was a very largely unsafe activity especially since everyone was new to computing technology and were not aware of the potential dangers such as web predators as well as scam artists. Now that many people are more self-aware of the issue and are more open to the idea which could be due to what Stone43 mentioned - that there are now many internet dating sites that give tips and measures for people to have a safe dating experience.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Can I have my marriage certificate changed?
    No. The marriage certificate is a legal contract between 2 people, and many countries do not allow any changes to be made. In fact, each marriage certificate record will be permanently in the registry's database, and it is not possible to make any changes to that either. The only changes that are possible is to either annull the certificate (i.e. get a divorce). Even name changes are not allowed.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Is counseling for couples adviced if they argue on small matters?
    Some people say that it's the little things that count, and that little things add up to a lot. While this can be true, always stressing out about even the tiniest details and put a lot of tension in a marriage. It's would be a good idea for both of you to calm down and discuss about these little problems first if you feel that the issues can be resolved. However if the small problem is somehow debilitating and both of you are unsure, then by all means consult an expert.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Which is the most famous couples dating site in the US?
    Try OkCupid.com. This website started about 10 years ago, and was developed with the angle to help people find their perfect match using scientific algorithms. While I cannot vouch for whether their science did work for me in getting the perfect partner, I did get to know a lot of friends from that website and even went on many dates with beautiful women there. There are many interesting things to do on the site too like quizzes and games.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Any love advice for free? I'm going nuts with my wife. She thinks I'm having an affair.
    You should do your best to make her trust you and not suspect you anymore. Ask her what is it that made her suspect and address it if you really did not cheat on her at all. Sometimes even small actions like flirting through text message with another woman is very good cause for suspicion.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Is getting married the second time round easy?
    Getting married it always easy, it's staying married that's the part we have to work at. Each marriage is different and gives us alot to learn about relationships, so we cannot generalise that the lessons learnt in the previous one will apply to the second marriage. However perhaps what you might learn is some essential skills for keeping a marriage healthy such as communication and patience.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Need help in my marriage. My husband is insensitive and constantly argues with me.
    You could try discussing with your husband and telling him that sometimes his insensitivity might hurt you. It is good to try and understand why he is so insensitive to you as well. Perhaps you have also hurt his feelings unknowingly, causing him to be very upset and act in this way.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    I need help in my marriage. My husband is alcoholic. And I have issues dealing with my anger.
    When it comes to alcohol and anger issues, it is best to bring in marriage and psychiatry experts in before things escalate to an ugly level. Your husbands drinking issues most likely stems from his own personal inner demons, and will require action on his part to solve it. The same goes for your anger management. Intervention from either one of you might make things worse, so external expert help will be beneficial.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    My love life after marriage has gone bad. What should I do?
    After a while, the sex aspect of a relationship can lose it's novelty because couples have become all too familiar with each other and get stuck in the same routine in bed all the time. This of course can become an inevitable drag. Try to spice things up in the bedroom by doing different things like new positions, or sex toys.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What can I do to improve my relationship with my husband. I love him. Need advice.
    Was there something that happened that made you feel like your marriage needs improvement? If so, it will be good to address that issue first and find out its underlying cause. It is only through this that you can find the next steps you can take to help make the relationship with your partner better.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    "Marital counseling had not effect the first time. Should I call it quits with my wife?"
    Yes, as Davis54 mentioned, marital counselling isn't a miracle for marriages. Well, it can be, but only if both of you are willing to make the necessary sacrifices and compromises together. Usually one session of counselling isn't enough. In that first session, you are still getting to know the counsellor, and chances are both of you are putting on a facade. You should go through a few more sessions of counselling to reap its benefits.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    I am going through the trauma of marriage breakdown. Please suggest some helpful advice to move on.
    During this trauma, it is important for you to make time for yourself to heal and reflect so that you can thorough get the bad emotions out of your system. Sure you can go out and do what you like, however, do not engage in anything destructive. It helps to go away to a place that is far from these stresses for a while. At least that's what I did during my divorce.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    "Can a marriage counselor help us with our intimacy issues?"
    Definitely, marriage counsellors are trained to handle all aspects of a relationship, including that of intimacy. However, if your itimacy issues stem from a medical issue such as infertility or problems with the actual acts of copulation, it could be more useful to head down to a fertility doctor instead as they can help to find out the root causes of your medical problems.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    How does marriage counseling help christians who are trying to rekindle their marriage?
    Sure, marriage counselling can help anyone, including non-Christians. However, it would be beneficial to go through a Christian counsellor who has the same opinions about marriage according to the bible. But I personally feel that it's would be a good idea to get a counsellor who doesn't just reiterate concepts from the bible and tells you to follow them. A great counsellor will also apply medically proven counselling methods and also listen intently to both spouses’ opinions.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    How can I find a perfect muslim girl for marriage?
    If you don't live in an Islamic country, you could try out Islamic dating websites. There are some available that can help you get to know more muslim women. Find a muslim community near you and also join in their group social and leisure meetups. The perfect girl is somewhere in this world waiting for you!
  • Lifewanderer answered
    How to apply for online separation agreement?
    There is not online application route, however, you would have to go through an attorney to settle the details of how you would want the assets and custody of the kids to be handled between your spouse and yourself. In fact, if you have knowledge of it, you can also complete the legal separation yourself.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Need free relationship advice on how to make my in-laws stay away from us? They are super annoying.
    If your in-laws are coming over too often, you can't totally cut them out of your life because that could sour relations, especially between your spouse and you. Instead, tell as the others have suggested, discuss this with your spouse, and tell him that you can only deal with his parents coming over at a less frequent basis. You don't have to hurt their feelings, just say that the both of you are busy for example.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    I need some relationship guidance as I am going through a bad phrase of my relationship. Help!
    Hello, what is this 'bad phase' that's going on and how are you affected by it? You mentioned phase and not trauma, so I assume that this means whatever you're going through is somewhat bearable and will be over soon. If that's the case, please grit through the moment, be patient and understanding and don't do anything rash. However, if you feel that you're in a situation that's too overwhelming and you feel trapped and uncertain of what to do, then please contact a marriage counsellor or even social services for their help.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Relationship troubles are affecting my heath now. What should I do? I don't want a break-up.
    Take care of your health first before you tackle your relationship problems. I say this because if you tackle the problem head on, you might only aggravate your conditions. If your partner has any inkling of love for you, then he or she will understand and even help you get better soon.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Is there one piece of advice that can save my marriage from divorce?
    Yes I would agree with HotSpring. The best piece of advice is to seek a professional counsellor's help. As we are often caught up in the middle of marriage problems, it can be difficult to see what are the shortcomings in our approaches and solutions to the issue. We might also fail to see any dysfunctionalities that occur. Having an objective professional opinion can help that and provide suitable resolutions.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What is the secret of second marriage after divorce?
    The secret is to learn and reflect from what mistakes you have made in your previous marriage and make sure never to do them again. I am also currently trying to find the second Mrs Right, and feel like this is a whole new canvas from which I can start again to create a beautiful painting. This time however, I'm going to take careful and calculated strokes different from the ones I used previously.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    How to write one's own separation agreement?
    A separation agreement is basically a set of understandings between a married couple that determines how their assets will be divided or who will have custody of the kids along with other arrangements to be made when a couple decided to separate but not get a divorce. While you could write a separation agreement a legal document format, it can essentially be written in any way as long as it states the agreements meant for both parties in a clear and unambiguous manner.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Who issues marriage licenses and how long does it take?
    This is a very situational question, and depends on your location. Generally marriage licenses are commissioned by a Registry of Marriage department from your government, and is a comprehensive process that happens over many days. You will have to usually submit an application first which will is subject to approval. After which, you have get a solemnizer to officiate your marriage before you can get the marriage certificate.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What is divorce therapy?
    Yes, as Sutton32 mentioned, this form of therapy is for couples who have decided to get divorced but are unable to cope with the stresses or may not understand why they have chosen this route. I personally went through divorce therapy, and I found that it really helped my ex-wife and myself come to terms with our divorce.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    How can I find a marriage counselor in my area? I want to do this discreetly.
    It can be as discreet as you want it to be. The internet is generally a very discreet and anonymous place where you can source for reputable counsellors. Make sure that there is no one beside or behind you while you are doing this search on the computer and of course tell your spouse not to let anyone know that you are/will be going for counselling sessions.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    How can I make my marriage work naturally? Why does it have to be so hard?
    It's not that marriage is very difficult, it's just that it requires constant effort and the best of your patience and understanding towards your spouse. Nobody said it was easy, but if you keep in mind the love for your spouse as well as some mindfulness towards them, things could turn around.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What makes a marriage happy?
    I would that dedication to your spouse is what truly matters. Honestly, love can waver in the face of different situations, and tempers can and will flare when you are in a relationship due to differing ideals and lifestyles. It is dedication that will ensure both spouses continue to work as a team for the marriage and for each other to create a deeper form of love.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What makes a marriage successful? Define success.
    Hmm... This is a tough question! Every marriage is different and can only be defined according to its parameters. But perhaps this one thing might hold true - a successful marriage is when a couple constantly communicates to each other and understands each other well. They share their thoughts and emotions in an open and non-judgemental way and try to make themselves a better person each day.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    "How can husband and wife sweeten their relationship?"
    Most aspects of marriage are somewhat tactical and methodical, in terms of communication and conflict resolution and so on. But I guess what sweetens the relationship is the act of love and affection that is shared between the couple, a sort of bond that is special and unique. It's the kiss that a couple shares before they go off to work, as well as physical intimacy. Without these, the marriage can be somewhat dull.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    "Should couples seek counseling all through their marriage....given different stages and challenges?"
    Counselling can be applied to every stage, even before and after the marriage. However, creating a dependency on couselling to get through every single stage in the marriage can be detrimental towards it. After all, a marriage is between two people and is the work and effort of those two. It is by conquering all the little humps and bumps in the marriage that makes the couple grow stronger.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Do gay couples also need counseling?
    I think all couples will experience the same ups and downs regardless of their sexual orientation. The context might be different, but everyone has the same social and psychological basic needs that they hope can be met but does not come as easy as they thought. Gay couples who are looking to go for counselling should seek a professional who specialises in LGBT relationships as they tend to understand the relationship dynamics more.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What are the most common relationship problems that a couple may go through?
    Many couples, depending on the stage in their life may find it hard to juggle their relationship with their other commitments such as work or hobbies. This is especially true for young couples who are still in the midst of building up their career and may find themselves at the crossroads of whether to focus and establish their careers or spend quality time with their loved one.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Can you tell some secure dating sites where dating a couple is easier?
    By dating a couple....do you mean that you would want to go out with 2 people at the same time with both of their knowledge and enter a relationship with the couple? I think you mean polyamory. I will have to say that that can be rather rare niche to find in the dating world, as this form of relationship is generally frowned upon by most of mainstream society. Just google it and you can probably find some answers.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    I am 30 year old married guy and bored with my wife. How can I rekindle romance again in my marriage?
    If you're bored with your wife, it probably means she's bored of you too. Do what to must to make her feel loved and in return she will reciprocate. Even in today's modern world most women still wait for the man to make the first move. The others have provided examples, so take action!
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What are the best dating sites for married people?
    Umm.... okay. Well recently, there has been a much talked about dating site for married people that promoted infidelity and was hacked by some vigilantes who revealed who the members were. So I don't think that you'd really want to get there. There are tons of single people looking for a date! Why don't you consider them (only)?
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Are marriage workshops really helpful or just a waste of money?
    It depends on whether the workshop is relevant for you or not. If you and your spouse are already very strong in marriage and only have issues with in-laws, it can sort of defeat the purpose of going to a workshop that teaches you how to strengthen your marriage. It definitely will not harm anyone to go for it for sure, but it's best to pick and choose the right ones.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Suggest some authentic muslim marriage site where I can look for a companion.
    Since you're already on the internet, a simple google search can give you a long list of suitable Muslim marriage sites. Try www.muslima.com, www.muslimandsingle.com or www.muslimatch.com. These sites have been running for quite some time now, and most likely have a good sized base of users from which you can meet your special someone.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    My parents want me to get married soon. Please tell some marriage websites where I can find eligible grooms.
    A very popular website is eHarmony.com, a matching website that makes their users complete quizzes to determine their personality and hence match them with someone similar. eHarmony.com is not free to use, so you would have to pay money for their services. This payment requirement is great because then you get a pool of people who are more commited to get into a long-term relationship or even marriage.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Recently I fell for a married man but after knowing that he is gay I was taken aback. Tell me how can I get rid of him?
    I'm pretty sure if he was gay, he would want to get rid of you. ;P But seriously, if he is bothering you, just tell it to his face that you don't date gay men. If he is your friend however and you cannot just cut him out of your life, then do your best to avoid him for a while, telling him that you're busy, until you are sure that you're emotionally ready to face without any issues again.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What's the harm in secret dating?
    Secret dating.... This means that you are dating someone in secret right? Is it because you are technically not allowed to have the relationship or are you ashamed of the person that you are dating? If it's the former then you had better stop right there because the truth will be found out in the end for the reasons specific to you. But if it's the latter reason, ask yourself why you are ashamed of him/her and if you want to take the relationshp further along. Don't lead someone on and then hurt them.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    "Many religions believe that the wife must submit to her husband fully. What should be some of my vows to my husband?"
    In my opinion, those religions take a very outdated view. Women today are more than capable of taking great care of themselves and the truth is that they probably can live without a man in their life (sad for me). However, I think the statement should be that women should fully support their husbands. I would rather marry a women who challenges me in a good way and makes me a better person everyday rather than be with a doormat who says yes to everything I say. That would be boring, no?
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Why vows for wedding are considered to be so sacred across the world?
    That's because the vows are solemn promises that couples make to each other and is usually seen as rules and regulations for the married couple to abide to. These vows are usually steeped in tradition, and we all know that society has a fixation on tradition, so any variations outside of them will be considered a scandal of sort.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Why are teenage relationships so short-lived?
    I believe that teenage relationships are more about discovery and curiousity rather than commitment and companionship. Most of the time the teenagers are still figuring out who they are and do so through their relationships. Soon their tastes change or ideals and mindsets evolve and they realise that they might want to move on to another phase of their life without the teenage sweetheart. Sometimes though teenage relationships do go the distance.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    I am lesbian and recently broke up with my girlfriend. Want some relationship advice to deal with the break up.
    Thanks for letting us all know that you're lesbian, but I believe that getting over heartache is a universal and classic activity that everyone is likely to go through regardless of gender identity. It's important to go through the five stages of grief to get it out of your system. First get yourself in denial that you both have broken up. Then, get all angry that it's over. Bargain with yourself that if you get the love back you will do things differently with her. Sink into depression for a little while and just sulk. Soon enough you'll accept that this happened and move on with your life.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Should dating for teens be allowed? Or should they just focus on studies?
    It's a natural occurrence for teenagers to be attracted to members of the opposite sex. After all, this is the time for building social relationships with others and learning how to fit in. But I believe that it's important to let the teen know that he or she has to juggle their studies and any relationships in a balanced manner. Educate them that finding the right partner with good attitudes is paramount. For example students who study together can be more motivated. It is also important for parents to supervise their studies together to prevent them from doing things other than studying. Most importantly, parents must educate teens on sex education. This can get embarrassing, but is essential. Your teenager is not a kid anymore, they are growing into young adults.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    I am a gay and have been facing many difficulties till date. Need some practical relationship advice.
    What sort of difficulties are you facing? Gay relationships can sometimes face a lot of discrimination and stigma, so I understand that somehow you might be stressed. However, I feel that most gay relationships are normal relationships after all, so it's important to have realistic expectations of it. Do your best to communicate with your partner and try to see things in his/her shoes.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    How does divorce between parents affect the children?
    As a child of divorce myself, I will say that divorce did impact me in a huge way. This was largely because my mother - who took custody of us - was very stressed due to having to raise us single-handedly. This forced us to grow up quick and be independent, but in a more rough and tumble, fight to survive sort of way. I never knew why my parents broke up, so deep down I have this inherent feeling that all relationships are not meant to last. A very important lesson I've learnt though, is that it's possible to bounce back up from very depressing situations.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Are adult children of alcoholics attracted to those who have compulsive personalities and alcohol problems?
    It can be a case where children of alcoholics seek out other alcoholics because to them that's the model of what a relationship is, which they've seen as an observer to their parents. However, this is an individual choice. Being adults, they should be able to rationalise and understand the implications of their actions, and thus decide to get out of the vicious cycle.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What can be the worst effects of divorce on children?
    I think the very worse effect is if the child feels that they are at fault for the divorce, and the parent who has left is abandoning them. It can be a very painful experience for the child, to feel unwanted especially since they aren’t able to wrap their head around the concept of failed marriages. It is up to the parents to convince the child that it is not so, because the long-term effects of this concept can be very detrimental for them.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    How can I help my kids in coping with divorce in the beginning?
    It's important not to leave suddenly in a fit of anger - that can have very huge ramifications on the child. Instead, come to the decision together with your child and ensure that both you and your spouse explain to him why you have decided to divorce. It has to be stressed that the reason is between you and your spouse and that you both love the child still. It would be ideal if the separated parent can regularly visit the child so as prevent him from feeling like he is abandoned.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Domestic violence facts mostly show women enduring pain. Why are women still ill-treated?
    I'm sad to say this, but many men are indeed more violent than women. This could be because they do not know how to handle their emotions as well as women, but whatever, because it's still the wrong mindset. Often times women also put themselves at the mercy of their husbands - being unemployed, having no social circle of supportive friends and even family basically they have built a life around their spouse. This thus makes them less confident of leaving their husbands even when things have gone violent. And by staying, they could actually escalate the situation.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    I have been a victim of domestic violence. If I go for counseling, will it help me?
    Yes. Counselling will help you come to grips with the trauma you have experienced, and also build the confidence and positivity in yourself. You can also learn lifeskills on how not to fall into the same traps again, and what measure you can take in the event that you have found yourself in a similar situation. But if you are still in this situation currently, I would advise you not just to seek counselling help, but to inform the relevant authorities as well, who can take action against the perpetrator.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What is child custody? How is going to benefit children?
    As Sullivan41 mentioned above, child custody determines which parent will be the legal guardian and ensure the welfare of their child. Custody is usually given to the parent who seems more emotionally, psysiological, physically and financially able to care for the child without any struggle. Usually custody is granted by the judge who will evaluate on which parent is more suitable. This ensures the child's rights, and prevents an suitable parent from taking over.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    How can women seek assistance for domestic violence help?
    The first line of contact is to get in touch with a women's organisation who assists women with domestic violence cases. While it is important to contact the authorities, only a specialised women's organisation would be able to provide shelter (if needed), guidance and support to the female victim. They will also help in contacting police and give legal advise.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Handling divorce and kids at same time gets difficult. Please tell me about few things for which I need to be mindful.
    I think what's important to know is that while this is a very personal issue for you, you have a responsibility to ensure the welfare of your children both physically and psychologically. This is because children might not understand the reasons for your personal decision of divorcing your spouse. If you find it overwhelming, get your family and friends to assist you when you need to take a break and do some reflection.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What formalities do I need to fufill during child adoption?
    The process of adoption is definitely not a quick one since the life and welfare of a child is at stake here. The first step is to apply to adopt a child, which can be done with adoption agencies. This is followed by a home study, where a social worker will access your suitability to be a parent and the environment for the child. After getting approval, you can start picturing the family you want and actively search for suitable children. You will then be matched with a child, who is suitable, will allow you to receive an adoption placement, through which you can start legalizing the adoption. Then you're off to being an adoptive parent!
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What is the process of adoption?
    As taken from my answer in another similar forum thread questions: "The process of adoption is definitely not a quick one since the life and welfare of a child is at stake here. The first step is to apply to adopt a child, which can be done with adoption agencies. This is followed by a home study, where a social worker will access your suitability to be a parent and the environment for the child. After getting approval, you can start picturing the family you want and actively search for suitable children. You will then be matched with a child, who is suitable, will allow you to receive an adoption placement, through which you can start legalizing the adoption. Then you're off to being an adoptive parent!"
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What are the different types of domestic violence that I should know about?
    Dosmetic violence comes in many forms and might even be compounded together. The main types are physical which is usually the most commonly reported and easy to prove form, emotional which largely comes in the form of verbal abuse or even a total disregard for the victim's emotions, psychological where fear is instilled in the victim, financial where money is commonly withheld from the victim, or sexual abuse, often most difficult form to prove especially in a marriage.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    I am a single parent and facing lot of health issues. Can you tell me how can I place my baby for adoption?
    I would firstly advise you to seek alternative forms of assistance to help you with your health problems and the raising of your child. There are many social organisation who will be willing to give you guidance and assurance on how best you can proceed. Please do not choose adoption as your first option as it can have a strongly negative effect on your child and also yourself.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    As a couple we are facing many challenges? Money is a big problem. What should I do?
    Seek help for yourself financially. This can come in the form of finance coaches or advisors, credit control companies, or even online finance guidlines. There are many resources and tools that you can access for free as well, this can come in the form of data spreadsheets, or finance software to help you budget your expenses and income. Most importantly however, instill financial discipline in yourself and your spouse so you can see results.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    How family counseling services can help us in achieving happiness?
    Counselling can impart the necessary skills and information you miight need to use on a daily basis during your marriage. It also helps you set and manage your expectations of your marriage and your spouse, so that you have a realistic view of the situation. In addition, counselling can help you understand the most effective way to communicate with your spouse and show your appreciation for them.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What are types of child maltreatment? What steps should be taken to control this evil?
    Maltreatment of children run the gamut - even leaving a child alone can have negative effects on the kid. In the case of young children it is important to have adult supervision at all times to ensure that the child does not get into any trouble or danger. The integrity and conscience of that adult also has to be clear for the safety of the kid.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    I am divorced but I do have kids. How can I keep my relationship strong with them?
    Even though you are divorced, it is important to play a big role in the lives of your children and spend lots of quality time with them. You don't want to miss the big moments where the child can look back and remember that his parent was there for him. Communicate with your child on a daily basis through the telephone even if you don't meet him or her in person every day. Ensure the connection does not die down.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Is there any possible way to stop domestic violence?
    Domestic violence cannot only usually be stopped when the victim admits that he or she requires immediate help from external parties with the power to stop the perpetrator. If the perpetrator realizes what he or she has done wrong themselves then there is a possibility of this behaviour ceasing. It is important to follow up any calls for help with professional intervention as such counselling for the victim and anger management sessions for the perpetrator.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Can long term effects of domestic violence be controlled?
    Yes. Domestic violence is a very traumatic experience especially for the victim and his or her family, so appropriate counselling is required to address the issue and help the victim go over the overwhelming sense of helplessness they may feel. In addition, counselling can prevent the victim from relapsing back into the behavior that encourages the abuse. These work hand in hand to ensure that the victim will not feel too overwhelmed from the experience and can in fact move on and build their lives after the episode.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    My husband and I have decided to get divorced. Can you tell me how we can place our children for adoption?
    Divorce does not mean that you should put your child up for adoption. It is appalling that you have chosen that path as an option, so I urge that you find some other way to keep custody of your children so as to minimize the trauma to them. They are after all, still your children. If you are still inclined on putting your children up for adoption then your best resource would be to head to a social services centre where they can assist you with your request.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Do children of divorced parents face issues if they wish to go for a second marriage?
    If the changes are sudden and without consulting the children, yes, they may feel like they have a loss of control over how the family structure will be, and as such may be very detached from the family and new parent. It is important to inform the child of any major changes before it begins so that they can adequately prepare themselves. The new potential parent should also aim to build a bond with the children so as to develop a sense of trust between them and the kids.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What are the causes of secondary infertility?
    Secondary fertility is known as the infertility that occurs after a female has already conceived her first child. This secondary infertility can affect many women even those who are initially very fertile. However due to the changes in their body after the first birth, their reproductive systems might not function efficiently anymore. The reasons for secondary infertility are numerous and can be due to an advanced reproductive age of both spouses, structural complications brought about by birth, deteriorating perm quality and quantity, weight gain leading to hormonal changes, and smoking along with other bad health habits.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    I'm divorcing my husband. But I'm afraid what will happen with our kids? What can I do to keep the bond intact?
    Hello there, thanks for sharing your issues. I would first like to start off by saying that you need to decide for yourself what you want for your kids, and it has to be based on what is best for them. If your husband is taking custody of them because he can take better care of them, then so be it. The only way that you can keep the bond intact is if you communicate with them regularly. In fact, if you are really concerned about their welfare, you can visit them to take care of them.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    How can I keep my younger sister away from teen dating violence after knowing its effects?
    A great way to do it is to educate your sister on taking care of her welfare and never putting herself in precarious situations where teen dating violence can occur. Talk to her in a casual manner and tell her your concerns and that you hope that she will rationalize and look out for her own welfare at all times.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What are the effects of child abuse on children during their growing age?
    Child abuse can develop many personality disorders within a child as they find ways to deal with the low self esteem and emotional pain. The children might develop unhealthy attachments to certain objects, behaviours or ideals which can distract them from the every motions of life. They might suffer in school academically and socially. They are also prone to depression, which could lead to self-loathing and on the extreme, even the contemplation of suicide.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    My husband's ex-girlfriend is trying to ruin our life. What can I do in saving my marriage?
    Hi there, it would be great if you go elaborate on what you mean by the girlfriend ruining your life. What is she doing exactly? Is she communicating with your husband regularly? Does she meet up with him to initiate romance? What does your husband think of all this too? Tell him how you are feeling about this and if he cares for you, he will find a solution to the problem together with you.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    If I review my marriage today, I have to do a lot of work to save it. What should I do?
    If you want to make things better for your relationship, then you just have to grit your teeth and do the neccessary to make things right again. Communicate with your partner and tell him her that you desire for the marriage to be back to where it was in the good times, and that you need his or her help for it. Approaching a professional counsellor can also help take the load off your shoulders and help to speed the process of saving your marriage.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Is it true that after marriage love ends and married couples seek other relationships?
    It's only true if the married couple does not want to put in the effort required to make the relationship work and find it easier to partake in other relationships instead. Often, marriages that do not start out with both parties loving each other from the beginning can also lead to such situations. Examples are arranged or forced marriages or marriage for mutual benefit in terms of finance, social standing or citizenship.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What is couples dating?
    Yes, as Lane64 has put it accurately, couples dating is when a couple have decided to explore relationships with other people, not separately but together. In most cases, the couple is still in love with each other but are just looking for alternative relationship arrangements. While this practice has been going on for many years, it is generally frowned upon by society. Still it is really up to the couple's preferences and what they feel is best for their relationship.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    My marriage is extremely troubled. I have left his house but there's no mental peace. Need advice.
    Seek professional help as SoulMate suggested, and perhaps you can find the clarity and insight you need regarding your marriage and the next best actions to take. Also, once you have calmed down, speak to your partner once more about what course of actions both of you need to take for the benefit of your marriage.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    I experience domestic violence at home. Never wanted to be a part of its statistics but what can I do?
    You need to seek help, and quick. Don't procrastinate, letting it drag into an issue that escalates where you could get serious injuries and even die from the trauma. Either call the authorities or help group as the others advocated, and you can stop this violence. Remember, the power is within you to stop this.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    "Based on what reasons can a wife divorce her husband?"
    There are many reasons for grounds of divorce that a woman can take. The most used reasons include irresponsibility of the husband in fulfilling his duties and role, abuse from the husband ranging from physical and verbal, unbearable conditions set by the husband in the marriage, the husband's infertility and hence inability to have kids in the marriage and the most used reason is irreconcilable differences.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    I have been saving my marriage since years but it's not working out. Should I file for divorce?
    If you're exhausted all options in saving your marriage including visiting a marriage counsellor to resolve the issues in your relationship, then perhaps divorce might be the only route. Sometimes marriages have run their course and there is no turning back to a normal relationship. This is especially so if both partners do not love each other anymore and have no desire to remain married.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Can a family member provide help in my marriage? I am ashamed to ask them.
    If you're certain that your family member can give you objective advice on your marriage problems, then feel free to ask them. It would be wise to consult someone who already has years of experience in the marriage and is in a healthy marriage him or herself. One thing to note however, is that family members can be rather biased in their advice because they are ver close to you and thus might emphatize with you more. In this case, getting a professional for help would be more beneficial.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    Are there any exercises on conflict resolution for couples?
    Some tips include using active listening skills, and acknowledging the other person’s feelings. It is good to focus on the topic of conflict and not bring in other issues from the past. Be clear in your message and ask the other person what they heard. Most importantly, stay polite and cool. Being rude and hot-tempered and escalate emotions and make a problem even worse than it’s made out to be.
  • Lifewanderer answered
    What are the easiest ways of solving a marriage problem?
    The genuine desire to solve an issue and empathising with the other person can help married couples take the first step in solving marriage problems. The issues may be internal or external, but it's important to be a dedicated team mate to each other, and support each at and stand up for each other in their times of need at all times.
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