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Graham
  • Graham answered a question on Sep 11, 2014
    My wife is overly critical and quick to anger. What to do?
    259 Views
    Try not speaking anything when your wife is angry. Just listen. Try to do funny things. This will perhaps help your wife control her anger. But it is not the permanent solution and the problem is grave. After your wife's anger has come down, then start speaking and make her realize that you remain silent when she was speaking, this way she will listen to you and you can say whatever you want to. But be calm and do not shout. This will surely give you an edge over her and she will realize her anger. Once she realizes it, I think she will be able to control it with you calmly helping her remember the issue. But you definitely need to remain calm and control your anger for her to realize her mistake.
  • Graham answered a question on Sep 11, 2014
    My wife is very high maintenance. What should I do?
    208 Views
    Well, there can be 3 cases. 1. Both work and you have this policy that the money irrespective of who earns it belong to both of you. You have made plans about how you will invest it and spend it in future. In this case, she is doing wrong and you surely need to talk to her about that. In this case, both of you have to agree mutually on all the major expenditures. 2. Both work but you guys spend your own money and do not consider each other's money as same. I think you should not have much problem if this is the case. She is spending her own money and this shouldn't hurt you. 3. Wife doesn't work. Well, in this case, you guys can only spend with mutual consensus. I am assuming yours is the first case in which your wife works and you work as well. But somehow you are trying to save money and don't like the extra spending by your wife. You are right. I think you should talk to your wife about it and highlight the importance of not spending money on such things and reach to a mutual decision in which either your expenditure for the month is fixed and rest goes to saving or anything else that suits your needs.
  • Graham answered a question on Sep 11, 2014
    pornographic material
    This can be a grave idea in your husband's mind. I think you guys need to talk, councelling will surely help. Somehow, you need to know what is he thinking and to what gravity is his thoughts inclined towards such things. I am pretty sure this problem can be solved. Sometimes, old men have this paradoxical idea to have sex or share intimacy with nymphets. I think your husband might be suffering from this idea. It is still not a disease and any idea can be thrown out of mind.
  • Graham answered a question on Sep 11, 2014
    Prostitutes over wife
    266 Views
    For some sex is the only thing that consititutes a marriage and for some, it is as trivial as marriage itself. I think I am not going to influnce your decision at this stage. You perhaps would have already made your mind. And if not, you should go by your heart.
  • Graham answered a question on Sep 11, 2014
    Husband is gross.
    371 Views
    I do not think playing video games is a bad habit. I guess you have a problem that you expect too much from your husband. A relationship is based on compromise and somehow you should have thought about it before marriage. I think you need to understand your husband, talk to him, see what he likes, and should not impose your outer-look expectations on him. Every individual has all the right to do whatever he/she likes. You can not force someone to go to gym because he is your husband and you are consious of his pouting belly in public. Somehow, it is your fault! I am not saying he should not go to gym for you but its his choice. And if you are not even remotely attracted to him anymore, you need to inform him about it, and if things don't work out even then, you can always leave him to go to someone else. I suppose that is your choice! But seriously, I think it a trifling matter and can be solved easily.
  • Graham answered a question on Aug 20, 2014
    How can I make my wife happy?
    1.3k Views
    You just need to spend some money.
  • Graham answered a question on Aug 20, 2014
    How do I deal with a verbally abusive husband?
    I think the problem you are facing is very common with newly married couples. It is easy to be in love with each other living separately but when two people start living together, such problems, like temper tanturms, are bound to happen. What is important here is the perseverance to keep loving each other and adjusting in real life for the partner. I think you need to discuss these issues with your partner when he is willing to talk. You should express your expectations from him. You will be surprised to see how he is observing and looking at things. He might come up with another set of issues you might have totally ignored.
  • Graham answered a question on Aug 20, 2014
    How should I save my relationship?
    I really want to help someone today but my friend, you need to be more expressive and descriptive of your problem for anyone to answer it correctly.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 31, 2014
    Marriage problem.
    416 Views
    Read Chronicle of a death foretold by Gabriel Garca Marquez. I don't really know the type of society you live in. Would your husband leave you if he gets to know about your physical relationship with your ex-boyfriend on your first marriage or after? If so, you really need to hide this thing from him, and its really difficult if he is skeptic of things. But still try your best to not let him know. Personally, I do not consider it a big issue but it really depends on your society and culture.
  • Graham answered a question on Feb 21, 2018
    Should I get a marriage contract?
    588 Views
    Signing a prenuptial agreement is helpful sometimes. It is absolutely right to go ahead in a relationship with a sense of security.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 31, 2014
    Our marriage is perfect but the sex stinks!
    2.1k Views
    How can it be perfect if sex stinks? I would suggest you to learn more about the art. Read 50 shades of grey, though I hate the book.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 22, 2014
    How to get my wife to do a job?
    1.1k Views
    Many People face this problem. One is pretty clear that you need to encourage her to join her previous job or a new job again for the betterment of family as a unit. The questions remains, how? I think you need to make her realize the benefits a new working member would bring to the family. You should tell her the good changes a job can bring in her personality. Definitely, kids don't need her doting on them anymore, so, she should utilize her skills for securing a better future for the family. Talk to her, dine with her, and counsel her; I am pretty sure she will agree to do a job.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 22, 2014
    Serious advice needed here!
    103 Views
    I actually did what you are asking here and I was tagged as a grouch. When you told your best friend about this thing the first time, your duty to the friendship is over. Then, it is your best friend's wish to do whatever he/she wants! You do need to tell your best friend about this incident but only once!
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 22, 2014
    I am 24. I want marriage!
    That's really good! Even I am proud of my ethnicity and cultural heritage. But I guess this is not a matromonial website. It is for people to discuss the problems they are facing before marriage, and after marriage. It is to share our experiences as married individuals.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 21, 2014
    why is my husband cheating on me?
    You should perhaps be more descriptive of your problem to get a better reply.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 21, 2014
    What is the perfect age to get married?
    There is no perfect age. Though, our society seems to find the the age gap 20-35 to be the best time to get married.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 13, 2020
    How to make long distance relationships work?
    Long Distance Relationships are prone to tragedies/incidents. It requires a lot of effort on both ends to work things out. Things become bodily awkward if the couple could not meet on weekends even if you are in close contact with your partner over phone. Most of the people I know would rather live single than being in a long distance relationship but I think things can be worked out if the intentions are good. There are few suggestions on my side: Meet on weekends. Exchange gifts. Express yourself truly and openly. Share almost everything. Use Skype for video-chatting. Use Whatsapp or other messaging apps to remain connected all time.   PS: Again, it's your decision to be in a long distance relationship or not!
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 18, 2014
    Are we emotionally honest and vulnerable with each other?
    354 Views
    Expressing do really makes us vulnerable. But here comes the factor of trust and love. Things might be smooth for some time if truthful expressions are blocked in some way but the end result would be harsh and things would not remain smoth for a long time. I believe it is necessary to be truthful with your partner even with the darkest of sins you might have committed while in her/his company. Past should also come up with time. Such confessions might look hurtful and will actually be hurtful in the beginning but these incidents/accidents lay down the seed of trust. Love blossoms when such truths come out giving birth to a long term realtionship.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 18, 2014
    How to make divorce easier?
    87 Views
    I can share with you a few things I have learnt from my life. First, you do not always get what you want. So, stop trying if your husband doesn't want to live with you. Love yourself and you will see some drastic changes in your life. Self-preservation, you might have heard this term before and it is exactly what you need to do. You need to focus on yourself, your dreams, your emotions, and your passion. If you don't have any dream - which is highly improbably - let yourself see a new dream. If you don't have any passion, do the most unpredictable things you might do ever. Be materialistic for some time and you will notice improvement in yourself as a human being. Do not worry about the world and focus on yourself until you pass this face of your life. You will come out a better person, I assure you.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 18, 2014
    Contemplating divorce!
    2.3k Views
    First, do not reach to conclusions before knowing strut facts. Second, find out those facts. Possible Solution - Talk to your husband. Do not say that he might have done fraud in his company. Rather ask him the clear cut reasons for why he left his earlier job and what is it that is stoping him from joining another company. Tell him that you are cobntemplating divorce. It might make him come out of his comfort zone and realize the grave issue. I can understand your issue empathically and I think howsoever difficult it might be, you definitely do need to talk to your husband.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 18, 2014
    My husband is so damn annoying
    No, all guys are not dirty! Such things are about making your priorities straight. Cleaning might not stand a number in the list of priorities he has. He might be a busy guy. He might take cleaning for granted and think that you will do it. But none of such reasons are justifiable. You need to tell him very clearly that cleaning is important in the house and it is an important issue for you. Just stop doing his things, embarass him in front of kids/relatives. Once, he understands the gravity of issue, he will mend his habits. But still, it isn't going to be easy for you.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 18, 2014
    Advice about online dating.
    444 Views
    Things might have changed since 70s, but the basic factors remain the same. I can give you some advice. You can surely use dating sites and they will probably fix your date with some good man. You definitely do need to research about the man who might be dating in future. Do check their facebook profiles. Do not reach to conclusions on the basis of one personal meeting. He will probably bring some flowers for you, so be prepared. He might even get a gift. You need to look out for frauds. You may even get a gift or flowers for the guy. Hang out with him as much as you can. Watch some movies, and dine with him regularly for some days. I think you will know enough about the guy within 2-3 dates to decide on him further. But you find anything wrong, do not meet the guy after 2-3 dates. You will do good! Do not feel the pressure, that can really make things awkward. And neither is it for a 50 year old woman/man to date.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 18, 2014
    What is better love or arrange marriage?
    376 Views
    If you have to ask this question, I think you only have one option: Arrange. ;) Love is rare, man! An individual doesn't necessarily get the chance to spend his/her life with the person he/she loves. Love is deep as well! Sometimes, you can't just differentiate between lust, and love. But I believe every individual falls in love once in life. So, grab that opportunity and be lucky! There isn't any other complex, wonderful, beautiful, painful, and cherishable an emotion other than love.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 16, 2014
    Is my husband cheating on me again?
    116 Views
    Your skeptcism is understandable. Perhaps, since you are sharing most of the things with your husband,You can share this as well; the whole week he took to inform you. Do bring in the element of love in your relationship. Do not argue over trivial matters. Discuss things and then reach to mutually decided solutions. You also need to trust him. As family_forever said above, you are probably overthinking about it.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 14, 2014
    What do men and women live for?
    Dreams. Isn't it?
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 14, 2014
    Help me related to my marriage, if possible!
    74 Views
    I am sorry, but you will have to ask a question to be answered in the community.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 14, 2014
    Will it be fair if I file for divorce?
    3.5k Views
    As far I can comprehend your problem, the first thing you should do is to hire a lawyer. The lawyer will lay down a number of legal paths in front of you to proceed with. It is definitely going a long way if you finally decide to file for a divorce. During the period in which the case would be going on in court, you should live separately from your husband. For the house, I can give a suggestion. You may sell it and divide the amount equally. But I can not really understand what you wanted to say in the case of car, it was very much ambigious for me to comprehend. Legal process will be tedious and frustrating sometimes, but it will definitely fetch you what you deserve to get after the division of all the movable and unmovable property. Another thing, you must get the lawyer before breaking the news of possible divorce to your husband.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 11, 2014
    I don't know what to do!
    Appreciation/Blushing/Acceptance for calling someone 'hot' is not betrayal. If anyhow a new girl in your office calls you 'hot' one day, would you not accept the compliment? Or would you say "I am married, I can not accept compliments on my body."? My reaction is simply based on the way you mentioned your problem. It is you who know the correct contemporary situation in your life. I think you should talk to your wife about this episode. And why would she cheat on you using facebook when she knows that you know the password to her account? Sometimes, when a person joins facebook for the first time, such things are bound to happen. Newcomers can't figure out how to react to a compliment given online or somtimes they just can't figure out who to talk to and who to ignore. You must talk this thing out with your wife and actually guide on how to handle facebook.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 11, 2014
    Closing browser windows; what is he hiding?
    287 Views
    A couple is supposed to have this sharing-everything-that-comes-across routine even if the thing is a taboo in the society or is considered vulgar. If a couple maintains such an attitude, they would be going miles together but if somehow there is a communication gap about anything any of them has ever done or watched or read, there is bound to be confusion and oblivion. So, I would suggest you to go and talk to your husband about everything you might not have conversed about earlier. Express yourself, talk about the most controversial topics. Or rather become teenagers again. Now, I would not suggest you to bring in the worst possible scenarios. You need to have more conrete documents/proofs. It is a human trait to hide the windows screen when someone else enters the door. You should focus on making him feel that you are her partner in life, you should make him feel the confidence in you so that he may tell you about his secrets. You can start by sharing your own mischiefs with him.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 11, 2014
    Will it be fair if I file for divorce?
    3.5k Views
    The way you described things, it is too much. Like if word to word of what you said is actually happening to you, you really shouldn't be living with this person anymore. Violence never constitutes a healthy marriage life and you should not let yourself fall prey to it. Whatever I say or suggest, ultimately it is going to be your decision whether to live with this person or not. You are your own master. You must take the decision yourself because it is you who know the situation most clearly. Another thing, I really don't think you need to justify things to people if you file for a divorce as again, it is your decision!
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 11, 2014
    Are bachelor parties appropriate for married men?
    252 Views
    I guess the whole concept of bachelors party is misunderstood. It's about the last fun before tasting the cake of responsibility. You should perhaps trust your husband that he won't do anything stupid that may harm your marriage and enjoying his friend's wedding. This life requires some fun. Though, I am not encouraging an extra-marital affair here. That is out of order! As the person in one of the above answers said there is no harm in bachelors party and even women should consider it. Its only about being away from the the daily chores and having fun with friends.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 10, 2014
    How can I assure my husband that I am happy to be with him?
    746 Views
    Your husband thinks he can't keep you happy but in fact, you are very much happy to be with him. Is this so? If yes, you should try to make him happy about the fact that he is actually keeping you happy. Do things for him that you know will make him happy and will make him realize the extent of your happiness to be staying with him. Do things that you only do when you are happy, specially when he is around!
  • Graham answered a question on Mar 07, 2018
    Difficult circumstances
    85 Views
    Your problem is a maze. But cheers! Because there is always a way to come out of the maze. It really hurts when your life partner simply walks away of all the mutual responsibilities required to cater to being in a family. You may take a hard step if you think you can not solve the situation. Leave him for a while, do not go divorce but just make him realize that you can go away. I am pretty sure he will come back to you like a dog to its proprietor. This is one way. But there can be many other ways. You might have misunderstood your husband in this case. He might have been trying his best but couldn't really find work. In that case, you should try to get the view of the problem from his prespective. He might just need your support.
  • Graham answered a question on Nov 08, 2017
    Do we admire and respect each other?
    410 Views
    Woah! I respect a lot of women, but I ain't gonna marry one. I respect my favorite author, but would I marry her if chance given? NO. Love is the thing that is required for a relationship, whereas respect is only a minor cause of love. So, you see, respect is necessary but emotional understanding and compatibility is much more important. If you are intolerant about a joke made on you in public, then its your problem and not your wifes'/husbands'. If you want someone to respect you, you should marry a janitor/janitress, for he/she will definitely respect for your stature in the society.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 09, 2014
    I am lonely with 2 kids!
    How can you be lonely if you have two kids?
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 08, 2014
    A Wondering Eye
    486 Views
    Physical attachment is important but what keeps a relationship afloat is emotional attachment and dependence.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 10, 2014
    Feeling Down and Out
    843 Views
    First of all, depression is just a term and it is probably the most meaningless term in english. I prefer to call it emotional disturbance and every single person on this earth who has ever took any strong decision in his/her life suffers from emotional disturbance once or repeatedly in life. Second, you must be positive with things. You need to be strong in your mind. You need to take some decisions, rather paradoxical decisions to feel powerful and special. Now, I do not really know the exact reason for your emotional disturbance otherwise I would have suggested many things. Whatever! You should give importance to things you have not yet given in your life but always wanted to. Third, it is your wish to tell your husband about this thing or not! he might actually understand you really well against your skepticism, that 's what partners are for. Isn't it? By the way, you are having this thing for years. How come your husband doesn't know about it for so long since you are living with him? Such things are really visible on face. Fourth, You should consult a doctor and take medication if you feel so. Though, I would suggest some yoga and meditation side-by-side.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 08, 2014
    I am not in love anymore
    140 Views
    You should be open about this thing with your husband. Well, he might still be in love with you and if you are hiding such a big matter from him, you would be hurting him in future. Reflect at your past and decide whether you still want him or not! It is going to be your decision and no one should influence it. It happens that after some time the love loses its spark. You may try to shine it back or loose it forever. But the decision has to be made and with a cogent and emphatic mind.
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 08, 2014
    I'm 44 and my boyfriend is 20 but we get along really well. Do you think that an age gap of 24 years is too much?
    92 Views
    In my opininon, age should never be a factor. As far as both of you are happy and enjoying each other, nothing is an issue. I would suggest you should ignore the concerns you might have in your mind due the barriers society has created, and live happily ever after!
  • Graham answered a question on Jul 08, 2014
    how we start sesrch a girl for marrige
    2 Views
    Well, a number of people fall in love at the right time and then, decide to marry but if you are looking for arranged marriage, you should consider posting an advertisement on a famous matrimonial website/newspaper.
  • Graham answered a question on Feb 21, 2018
    My husband has a bad drinking problem and i don't know how to help him
    713 Views
    If your husband is a dipsomaniac, then it is a major cause of concern especially when you don't like the habit. You should try making a list of rules to be followed within the boundaries of home. You may fix a couple of days when he may drink in the house if you that is a good number. You should regularly confront with him about the negative side-effects his habit may lead to the regular life of your child. Though, whatever be the case, if it comes to domestic voilence,  do report and do not let him hurt you. You may also consult a doctor who claim to devoid him of the egregious habit. Or a counselor who can put a seed of an idea that may force your husband to save his marriage.
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