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CindyBaker

  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    I really wanna surprise my girlfriend. But how?
    66 Views
    It all depends on what your girlfriend likes. If you are well acquainted with your girlfriend's choice, then buy an ensemble of clothes, accessories and fragrances for her. Take into account her favourite colour, style preferences. You can also book yourself a vacation together.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    I cant understand my feelings
    87 Views
    Now that you are married, put your past behind, and work at creating a happy marriage with your husband. Snap out of the unrealistic expectations realm that you have been living in about your husband not being crazy, moony about you, head over heels in love with you and try making room for some maturation in your marriage. Grow, evolve together and be a happy contributor to your marriage.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    Her uncle is gay, what if our son will turn out to be one?
    75 Views
    Sexual orientation is not some contagious disease, or even a disease to begin with. It is a choice/preference and has no bearings upon the kith and kin, rest assured work at being motivating, encouraging and loving parent to your child, without paying attention to the influence his uncle's proximity would exert on him. If at all, you are worried about the safety of your child, fearing any exploitation, just make sure you or your partner is around, when his uncle is there.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    I cant understand my feelings
    87 Views
    Since you are married now, it is best you work at creating a happy space for yourself and our husband together. Why mull over what could have been, as what could have been, is just that. A wishful thinking, with no solid grounds. Snap out of the illusionary world. Marriage needs work and you have a great future ahead with your husband who is a nice man. HAve realistic expectations and be willing to be a giving, sincere contributor to your marriage.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    Hitting two birds in one stone
    68 Views
    Popayan, Medellin, San Agustin and Villa de Leyva are good spots to visit. You should be able to squeeze in these 4 places in your 4 days itinerary there in ​Colombia
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    I caught my wife having an affair. What should I do?
    It's best you both part ways since you have already utilized the avenue of marriage counseling, which seemed to have brought respite and repaired your marital damage, for a while. However, since cheating has not been a singular instance but more of a recurring instance in your marriage, you both need to do yourself a favour a part ways, amicably and remain at best, friends, if possible.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    Should I stay or go
    80 Views
    Leave the man who has brought upon you all this humiliation and make a fresh start.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    Should I stay or should I go
    138 Views
    Leave him pronto, this man is beyond reform. He is unabashed of his philandering, debauched ways. Do yourself a favour, and leave him, sever all ties, file for divorce and start afresh.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    Should I stay or should I go
    138 Views
    Forgiving and forgetting is not even the remotest of the possibility. Leave, run in the opposite direction, never to look back at this man again. He is an obnoxious boor, you are way better off without this insensitive, debauched philanderer. Spare yourself any further torture. Cut all ties, divorce him and start afresh. Also, undergo counselling to recover from all the damage your self-esteem has suffered due to this man's horrid ways with you.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    Where do broken hearts go?
    96 Views
    Be single for a while and once you have learnt to be happily single, move forth at finding prospects. Dating sites area good option, but only after you have spent enough time alone, learning to come to terms with your loss, and are no more needy of a relationship.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    Gf spends way too much money on online shopping
    78 Views
    First off, since she is spending off her own money, that she happens to be her hard earned money, there is no reason you should be fretting. Even as a genuine well-wisher, who wants her to keep a tab on her spending habits, you should not push her or impose on her your own discretion. To each his own. Maybe, this is her way of pepping herself up after a month-long slogging at work. Alternatively, you can suggest to her that in conjunction with her spendings she can also save some or invest a certain fixed amount and watch it grow, so eventually when she has a handsome amount saved, after the delayed gratification by saving aside some money, she can spend it a big fancy item or save for a dream car or any other asset, that would be a possession of joy to her.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    Long distance is rough. Should I keep fighting?
    From the looks of it, it seems there is a lot of resentment which can be attributed to different time zones, challenges to keep up with the relationship requirements, try suggesting a break to her. A temporary break that will serve as a time to cool off your head and see for yourself if you still want to be with each other just as you wanted when you started out. A relationship counselling can also help do the necessary repair.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    My husband wants a divorce, but I want to make it work? Any suggestions?
    70 Views
    Did you suggest that you visit a marriage counselor together? If he has ruled out this avenue, then it is evident he wants out of the marriage. What you need to focus on now is toward building a more secure future. Get yourself educated in sync with a more sound career. to build ahead. Think far ahead for a future that will require you to be financially autonomous. Try to settle for the best monetary settlement that you get with the help of an efficient. Also, undergo counseling and refrain from any mudslinging or resentment.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    My husband and I moved to Spain
    72 Views
    How about taking up a job and subsequently saving enough to be able to buy a second-hand car? Rome wasn't built in a day. You will need to exercise steely resolute and work, focussed and determined at saving enough, besides opening a separate bank account. A job will give you a pathway to hone yourself, become more confident, self-dependent and finally you will be able to buy a car for yourself that would make you more mobile.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    I feel like I am dying inside
    92 Views
    The fact that he is not very vocal and demonstrative, has aggravated the matters. He has allowed the resentment to fester, and negativity to aggravate. It's hurting him badly and you know it. So the best you can do is, continue giving your silent support, love, care and companionship to him, without expecting him to transform into a positive, recovered man overnight. Be transparent in all matters, seek his opinion on smallest of matters, making him realize of his relevance in your life. Also, it would be a good idea to visit a marriage counselor who can help restore your marriage happiness and repair the damage caused.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    Am i wasting my time???
    102 Views
    Hi! It is best that you put your foot firmly and tell your partner that there is only a certain time till which you can wait, reiterate that you have been on tenterhooks for long, tedious 7 years and it is sapping you out. For your own sanity and reassurance that he loves you, it is important that he fulfils his commitment and starts a legit relationship with you. Chances are he could be stalling the whole thing (divorce) , hoping you will come around to the current arrangement without him having to go through the messiness of a divorce.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    married woman having crushes on other men
    74 Views
    Hi! It's absolutely normal to like or admire good-looking people around you. Having said that, if it's bordering on an obsession or these objects of your interest interfere with your everyday life and routines, making you think of them obsessively, it's best you visit a psychologist and undergo a comprehensive therapy. Besides, it will also help if you and your husband work in unison at recreating a happier and more exciting marriage.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    Newlywed and unhappy - no sex life
    371 Views
    There seems to be a very strong disconnect between you and your wife. She seems to experience mood swings, and appears to be listless, and withdrawn. In order to build a spark in your relationship, you will need to visit a marriage counselor. Her problem appears to be not just sexual inhibitions but a general disinterest and despair. A visit to a marriage counselor should supercede other priorities in your marriage. Have faith, it's all workable.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    I miss her so bad. Should I reach out?
    Hi! Do you really wish to be a part of a relationship where everything runs on the whims and fancies and dictates of your partner? It's obvious that your partner has moved on and doesn't feel the same void in her life as you seem to be experiencing. You deserve to be a part of a happy liaison where your partner and you are on the same page and don't have one of the partners calling the shots, while the other left high and dry. Be resolute and move on. You will find love again when you least expect it. Move on and rework at gaining your self-respect and enjoy singlehood for a while. A happy single you would be happier in a relationship when it comes o it.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 23, 2018
    How to make an interracial relationship work?
    91 Views
    Hi! Interracial or same race relationships, ultimately it all boils down to mutual understanding, respect for the diverse background and preferences and support for each other's causes and decisions. Just make sure you make an effort to seamlessly assimilate these differences and sometimes agreeing to disagree, on matters relevant to your happy union.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 15, 2018
    Trust Issues
    90 Views
    It is understandable that you feel like your husband has inflicted emotional cheating on you, especially when you have already mentioned your displeasure about porn watching. However, try reasoning with your husband on more solid grounds about why porn is not such a good idea for your marital satisfaction. Reason with him that porn is a product and it is not natural. It makes people lose their ability to satisfy themselves with their real-life partners, It is twisted, and is meant to be edgy only because the pornographers have much to gain in terms of website traffic. Tell him it can make him numb to the real-life sex with you and even affect his sexual desire in the longer run.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 15, 2018
    My Wife wants to separate, I'm not handling it well, I miss her and love her, can I tell her or give her her space?
    84 Views
    If your wife has announced it as her final decision to separate, there is very little that can be done, beyond graciously accepting her decision. However, if you haven't already sought marital counseling, then you must give it a shot before calling it quits. A marital counselor can help you understand what has contributed to such deterioration of your relationship that you have reached a dead-end and can help you resolve those difference for restoration of your marital happiness.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 15, 2018
    Help! Was my husband crossing a line?
    93 Views
    It is normal for a marriage to hit a plateau and sometimes just to shake things up people seek companionship, but things can go into a downward spiral when one thing leads to another and an innocuous friendship at work turns into an illicit relationship. It is perfectly normal for you to have intervened, asking your husband to stop all interaction with his female co-worker, beyond the capacity of work. However, you need to take more crucial corrective steps to ensure you both have a lasting marriage and a blissful companionship. Seek marital counseling to explore any possible reasons that are contributing to your marriage turning staid, and work at rekindling the spark in your relationship.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    I guess we're a perfect match
    70 Views
    It would be best if you take it one step at a time, and move with caution. Meet him, get to know him better, and aim at an incremental growth in this relationship.Too much, too soon is bad news. Process everything, validate the credentials that he has shared, get him to share more about him and then make an informed decision. don't get swayed, be rooted.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    How do I pray for my husband who is feeling helpless and hopeless?
    74 Views
    How about video calling? He will feel closer, more in the loop with what is happening around. Share texts involving details about your everyday routine and assure him that you understand that he is out there, slogging hard only to build a better future for the child. He will appreciate your support and will feel less guilt-stricken.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    physical atrraction
    102 Views
    It's not a dead end. There is still some hope. Such problems are totally workable. Seek a sexologist's help. You will be able to build passion and instil more satisfaction and spark in your relationship with your spouse. It would also serve the purpose of allaying any fears or concerns your wife has related to intimacy. Besides this, try building an emotional intimacy with your wife, hang out and create fun, happy memories before you aim for fire sparking under sheets.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    Am I overthinking?
    Considering your situation and the complications involved, it would be best if you can convince his mother to come, stay with you. Moving doesn't sound like a viable option for you. Looks like it will turn your life, personal and professional, upside down. Try sharing these pressing issues with your fiance's mom. Since you share a cordial relationship with her, she will subsequently come around to it.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    im feeling depressed ....my marriage is dead.we have nothing in common...we dont talk much ....what can i do ...
    461 Views
    The best and the most immediate step to take is to snap out of the sad cocoon built around you, step out and look for a purpose in life. Strive for a career, happy associations with the other family members, friends and associate yourself with meaningful purposes in life. Indulge in some self-pampering and revamp your look. If your partner fails to notice and appreciate, gently convince him into seeking marital counseling.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    Feeling depressed over break-up. Help me.
    Life is long. End of a relationship does not translate into the end of the world for you. You need to snap out of the pain post break up and step by step restore happiness into your life. One day at a time, one step at a time. Start seeking out your old connections, friends, spend more time with family and the best thing to do now would be to work with renewed energy and strive for a more fruitful career. Singlehood doesn't suck, as is made out by people! You can really squeeze in a lot more to do now, that you have time for yourself and just yourself. Self-love is the best form of the love :) Live by that, and sooner or later you will meet someone, but don't look at finding someone to complete you. That's old school and delusional. Revel in your own company, replenish yourself, without having to be romantically involved on a rebound.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    there is hope
    72 Views
    It's great to have worked out for you. Dating sites or the real-life associations that happen organically, ultimately it all boils down to your compatibility with your partner, along with the shared goals, environment and personalities.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    Words can't express how much I love her
    68 Views
    Good for you :) Dating sites or real world, they are both just the avenues for finding connections. It is ultimately how you take off your relationship post meeting and striking a connect, that is the deciding factor the success of your relationship - transitory or lasting :)
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    Can't take my eyes off her
    84 Views
    To each his own :) Glad you found a connection. Have fun!
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    I need marriage help...
    79 Views
    First and foremost, you don't need to undermine yourself or let your self-esteem erode because of your husband's erratic behavior. He seems to be experiencing anxiety due to some unfounded reasons. It's best you convince him to seek marital counselling, together with you. Make it sound like a way out for both of you to build a lasting marriage. Do not make him feel like he will be undergoing it as he needs a "fix".
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    Allergic Reaction
    Hi! The yeast infection that your girlfriend seems to have gained, could be due to stress, hormonal imbalance, eating too much of sugary food or even due to some antibiotics that she might be taking. Ideally, you should take her to a gynaecologist and refrain from any sexual contact for a couple of days, or a week at least. It is a common female condition and medication and maintenance of better personal hygiene should help.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    My husband’s son has disrespected me
    75 Views
    Not undermining the devastating impact your husband's son's indelicacies have had on you, you can graciously grant him one last chance to make amends. Since you mentioned that he apologized to you and he was repentant of his actions, you can consider allowing him that one last chance to rectify his actions. If at all, his misdemeanours continue, you will have the face to tell your husband that you granted him the chance but he failed. One shot is all you have to give. Nothing more to that. And this time set some boundaries, behaviour protocol and rules.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    14 years & 3 kids
    158 Views
    Have you considered seeking marital counseling? If nothing else is working out and you are far beyond the avenue of discussing things between yourself then you need a third person's intervention to put things in perspective for you. A counselor can help restore your relationship with your spouse and if it is meant for ending, you would still gain a lot of strength and insights into how to pick up the pieces and restart your life. A therapist is your best resort if everything else has failed.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    What are good songs for a wedding?
    Congratulations to your father and his fiancee! Song suggestions that you can consider for your father's wedding. Bucky Covington – A Father’s Love (The Only Way He Knew How) Chris Tomlin – Good Good Father 2015, Christian Craig Campbell – Family Man 2011, Country Eric Clapton – My Father’s Eyes 1998, Rock
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    Should I Marry Her?
    95 Views
    Your girlfriend's intentions and actions seem to be shrouded in mystery! And not in an alluring, enigmatic way. You need to put it across to her as clearly as it gets, that she and you need to walk equal distance to make this work! The whole deal about continuing the same arrangement post marriage, as is now during this dating, courtship period, seems to be very illogical. If she doesn't agree with your reasonable requests and demands, even halfway, then it's time to take a step back and stall the whole walking the altar deal. It's going to be tough but will help put things in perspective for her and help you make a clear choice too.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    Need help talking to my husband
    90 Views
    Clearly, he is not as vocal or demonstrative as you are, the best fix would be to start building an emotional, solid support system outside the marriage - friends. Build solid friendships with like-minded people who you can reach out to when you need a vent. Marriage doesn't mean blocking out other people out of your life. Be more inclusive of other happy associations in your life and also pick an interesting hobby or an exercise routine. Work out is a great way to trigger those happy hormones and keep stress at bay. You can bend backwards and would still not be able to make your husband come around be the person you want him to be. Just let him be, and when he sees how you are able to combat your stress and disappointments in life minus his involvement, he might just come around to be more appreciative of your spirit!
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    Is this right
    96 Views
    You certainly need to reconsider your relationship with your partner. You and your spouse are a unit and you need to be in the loop of any major decisions he takes and its impending consequences. Marriage and finances are a delicate matter and suggest to him that you should seek counseling to discuss marital finances. If he is averse to the idea, it is a serious infraction on his part, as it would block the marital happiness you are striving to build.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    What are these words/lyrics meant for? Opinions please?
    70 Views
    The lyrics seem to be directed towards a possibility of a reunion with an estranged lover. Like the lover seems to be remorseful and looks at a second shot at rekindling the same love in the relationship that once was :)
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    20 yr age diff, blended family, alcohol
    71 Views
    He seems to be very frustrated and someone who nitpicks. Obviously, patience is not a virtue he endorses. Have you suggested seeking marriage counseling together or an alcohol rehab program for him? You have been through an ordeal before and would not want to be uprooted again, understandably so. However, if he is averse to the idea of seeking counselling or taking any corrective steps, it's best you seek separation, even if not a formal divorce. Your kids are at a very tender, impressionable age and this environment is clearly not conducive to their growth.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    My husband goes out drinking and doesn’t come home till 6am
    89 Views
    You need to set boundaries, moving ahead. If you keep accepting such abrasive behaviour, you are setting yourself up for more such disappointments and heartbreaking episodes. Tell him he needs to keep a tab on his drinking habit. Moderation is the word. Be accepting of occasional drinking he indulges in. But tell him in no uncertain terms that you won't tolerate rudeness or any talking down to you in a way that is contemptuous. Refrain from any communication, proximity or association with him when he oversteps the limits.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    My husband is cheating with me
    74 Views
    Did you confront him about the same? If it is an instance of singular cheating and he is willing to call it quits with her and make a fresh start with you, you can seek counseling to overcoming infidelity in your marriage. However, if it's a recurring habit and he is a serial cheater, leave him pronto and make a fresh start. Life is long, it's best to not continue bearing the burden of such a destructive relationship. Leave him, start afresh. Build your skill set, chart a new career course and get goals in life and strive towards revaming your life.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    Never dated before, how to start?
    156 Views
    Hi! Don't be paranoid about not wanting to give dating sites/apps a shot. IT would be a good idea to check them out, especially as there is a stronger likelihood of coming across somebody, with the specific qualities you are looking for. Alternatively, you could suggest one of your regular guy friends catch a movie with you on a weekend, just go with the flow and see how things transpire! For all you know, you could be making a headway toward a blossoming relationship. Be open to striking new equations and don't be apprehensive about making the first move. But first, shed those stifling inhibitions!
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    What do I do?
    71 Views
    Hi! From the looks of it, seems like you are being gaslighted by your wife. She is being manipulative and tossing you around as she whims and fancies. It's best you snap out of this toxic relationship for your own good, before your self-respect and sense of self-worth erode. Try suggesting to your wife to visit a marriage counselor and see if it helps you reconcile and bury the hatchet. Counseling could be your calling card to make a fresh, new start to a happy marriage.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    Being Childless and being the man in the relationship
    98 Views
    How about sponsoring a child's education or getting associated with an NGO for children? It would be a fulfiling experience for you and you will be able to build a lasting bond with children who can really use your help. If you have a purpose in life, a childless marriage won't destroy your marriage. Since the discussion with your wife is no more an avenue for you, it's best you both work at spending time doing things you both enjoy and build an emotional intimacy with each other.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    marriage falling apart
    84 Views
    Have you tried broaching up the subject to your wife's mother? It seems like she exerts a strong influence on your wife. Try speaking to her, in presence of your wife and exert the importance of a healthy and happy synergy between the families from both sides. Tell her how all this negativity is gnawing away at your marital bliss. Also, your wife is an adult. She should be able to make judicious choices. If you are finding it difficult to make her snap out of this situation, why not take a short break where your wife and you get some time off to cool your head and make more clearer choices. Maybe this break will put things into perspective for your wife and she will begin to understand your place and significance in her life.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    ​Is it a good idea to find your love online on match making sites like happymarriage.xyz or badoo.com
    84 Views
    Online dating sites allow you the opportunity to hook up with a potential partner, without it having to necessarily lead to a relationship. However, it's very subjective. There is a lot of paranoia and some unfounded theories floating around the dating apps and online dating services. Chances are that you might meet someone for a hook-up but whether the relationship remains transitory in nature or blossoms depends on the individuals' mindset, environment, compatibility and how things take off from the plane, once they meet in the real world scenario.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 14, 2018
    Female friend of my husband
    192 Views
    A.Your husband has made it amply clear that it is a loveless marriage for him and all he is doing is fulfiling responsibilities, minus any affection or feelings involved B. It is out there that there is a female colleague who he wants to introduce to you, and sensing the urgency with which he is insisting that you meet him, it is a clear sign that there is more to their equation than just friendship. It would be best if you make a concentrated effort to uproot yourself from all this drama of having to live in a loveless marriage and work towards resurrecting yourself as an empowered woman, with a solid career. Men - you will find plenty. And hopefully, true love will arrive when you expect it the least. Just focus on building a progressive career path, remember money solves 80% of the problems.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 13, 2018
    What decision i have to take?
    90 Views
    Hi! It's in the best interest of that girl to stay away from this man. From the looks of it, he sounds like a bad news. Any liaison with this man would be a prelude to a toxic and a highly unstable relationship ahead. Don't walk away, run in the opposite direction, I'd say.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 13, 2018
    Suggestions for good honeymoon destinations
    70 Views
    Hi! Honeymoon destination depends on your budget, preference of place and the number of days you have allocated to your honeymoon. It would be a good idea to find out your spouse's preference as well and lock in a fun, luxurious beach destination or a cold hilly terrain. ​ Just aim at going for anything that is a perfectly romantic honeymoon getaway within your budget and in line with your inclination.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 13, 2018
    https://www.marriage.com/forum/ask
    Hi! Well, now that you know what got your girlfriend worked up, try not to aggravate the situation by justifying it to be an offhand remark. Repair the damage by telling her that you had no inclination towards your girlfriend's brother's love interest and you only expressed a generic opinion, without any emotions or feelings at play. Add that there is no one but her (your girlfriend) that keeps him engaged and happy. That's all you need to say and this should bring a smile to her face. You don't need to apologize profusely. Just give her your warmth and affection and all should fall in place, shortly.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 13, 2018
    Meeting my husband's parents
    69 Views
    Hi! Congratulations on having made headway to a very close quarter to marriage. The best thing to do would be to be yourself. Refrain from putting on any sham to impress. Dress not too conservatively, or in a taste that's total, unlike you. Be graceful. Be courteous. It would be a good idea to speak when spoken to and try not to give any unsolicited advice on matters of health, finances, spiritual or political matters. Let them see who you are and don't forget to wear your brightest smile.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 13, 2018
    Was I wrong for not wanting my mother in law to stay with us during her 2 week visit?
    85 Views
    Hi! It would not be much to ask for if sometimes you can relegate your feelings and level of comfort at the side step, especially if the person in question happens to be your mother in law. Do not let embitterment steep in your marital life due to such rigidity.You don't need to go the extra mile and run from nook and cranny to pander to her demands or any unreasonable expectations. Do not bend backwards, but be civil and reasonably welcoming to your husband's wife. Also, this done, you can ask your husband to pitch in support in attending to his mother and her husband.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Apr 13, 2018
    What to do if our life’s paths and careers don’t line up?
    60 Views
    Hi! The fact that you mention about him holding himself back from completely, truly loving you back speaks something about him being slightly non-committal. While you are grappling with a really challenging situation, it would be only fair to expect your partner to be your rock, and since that is clearly not the case, it's best that you both call it quits, at least as lovers. There seems to be a bleak hope of a happy union, romantically, so why not steer clear of any impending heartache. It would be in best interest of you and your child that you channelize all your energy towards empowering yourself and building a sound career for yourself and a pathway to a happy, bright future for your child. Time is the best healer.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Dec 29, 2017
    Fel very alone
    74 Views
    Hi! The best thing to do would be to stop bending backwards to make it all work. Meaning, you re only one person, and there is only as much a person can do. As a single individual stick to carrying out responsibilities and chores to the extent that it doesn't drain you. As soon as you start experiencing that the workload is sapping you out, stop at that. You don't need to overexert yourself and look after him. He is a grown-up man and can look after himself. Let him do his share of work. Resist the temptation of doing everything. That should be enough to make him realize the efforts that you had been putting in all this while and may just start acknowledging your contribution in making his life easier. It's best you prioritize your health and take adequate rest and medication. Restore your health first.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Dec 29, 2017
    Save marriage if husband don’t know if he still loves me.
    94 Views
    Hi! It seems like he is feeling a little vindictive or not having enough support from you when he needed it the most. It's best you give him some time to clear his head. Do not pressurize him to come clean on the relationship status, at least for now. Suggest going o a therapist together to help him overcome distress associated with his loss and family problems. It's best to wait for a couple of months and stand by him, more as a friend and a gentle guide. Make up for the time when you couldn't lend him the required support, now's the best time to get started. He will gradually come around to find the lost connection with you.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Dec 29, 2017
    I had a kid with an ex-lover. How do I tell my girlfriend?
    91 Views
    Hi! It's best you come up clean about your kid with your ex-girlfriend, as soon as possible. You won't want her to know from some other source. It's bound to come up sooner or later. Start by telling her that this is something that happened long back when she was nowhere in the picture. Tell her that because of some reasons you had to part ways but because you have a child, as a father you are required to dispense your duties. It would be very unfair and irresponsible to do otherwise. also, add and reassure her that there is no way you are getting back to your ex. Tell her that your ex is in a very happy space with someone else, just as you are with your current girlfriend. assure her that you would never trade it for anything else. She will take time, but will gradually come around to it.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Dec 29, 2017
    Girlfriend's sister does not approve of us. What do I do?
    308 Views
    Hi! Firstly 6 years is not much of gap so to speak. It's great that you want her sister to come around to like you as well. You can start making an effort in the direction by getting to know her likes, dislikes and preferences. This will help you to understand if she has valid reasons that substantiate her fear of her sister landing up with a wrong man. Organize a family lunch together. It would be a good idea to allow her to get familiar with your family members and know that you are in this relationship with her sister with the intent to get married and that you a family man. Do not say anything unpleasant to your girlfriend about her sister, so she will also have her faith reinforced that you don't begrudge her sister for not approving of you and will give your girlfriend more room and reason to to also try and convince her sister to consider and may subsequently change her opinion too.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Dec 29, 2017
    need help please
    Hi! You have known her for a really long time, spanning over a decade. This must mean something. If you think you are heavily invested in the relationship and don't want it to end because of a fling, you can both make collective efforts to rebuild your equation from scratch. First, tell her you would only be willing to start afresh with her if she comes out clean about everything she had with him, and not hiding stuff that is bound to come to the surface later. Also, if she is willing to be accountable moving ahead for all her time away from you and is open to the idea of undergoing therapy with you, chances are the that she is genuinely keen to start all over again. Lay some ground rules, for the next innings of your relationship, telling her that there is no room for any infidelity from either of the partners. Also, devote time to each other so neither of you feels isolated again to reach out to other people for companionship. It should all work out well. Good luck with a fresh start. :)
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Dec 22, 2017
    Contemplating divorce
    103 Views
    Hi! It is very clear that he is very frivolous in his approach towards you. He has not treated you with the respect you deserve. He has not supported you throughout the marriage and has left you high and dry. It's best to call it quits. You need to be firm in your decision to end a loveless marriage. Do yourself and your child a favour - build a strong, financially sound future for yourself. Work towards building a bright and secure future for your child. channelize all your energies at self-improvement. So far your husband has been the focal point of your life. Clearly, all the distress has left you depleted. Start afresh and make yourself the focus of your life. As for the man you recently met, take time - get to know him better. You don't to get stuck in a bad pattern. Choose wisely, don't jump into a deep, committed relationship with him. It's best to be friends with him first and let the friendship take the course of natural progression.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Jul 21, 2020
    How to help sick girlfriend who’s a thousand miles away?
    Hi! Firstly, don't beat yourself about it. You mean well, but this is something that is beyond your area of control, so whining won't help.   The best thing to do would be to show her that you care in small ways. Resist the temptation to talk to her for hours, it can drain her. Make calls to remind her to take her medicines. Do not broach up the subject of illness, repeatedly. Take her mind away from it, by deviating to other topics of her interests. Although do refrain from talking about any fun outing you had, will just make her feel like she is losing out on so much. Also, you will need to be tolerant of any mood swings that she is experiencing. Just make time for regular, short spanned conversations throughout the day. Comfort her by telling that this too shall pass. Ask her to share pictures, as she is on her road to recovery and tell her is already looking alive and kicking. It would be a good idea to send her a gift basket with her favorite items.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Jul 21, 2020
    Need help with travel plans to see my gf for the holidays
    Hi ! Congratulations on achieving the milestone of a happy togetherness for 6 months now.   Holidaying with your partner sounds like quite an action-packed plan :)   And here is a quick reckoning list that could help you plan ahead and have a great time together with your love interest. # As much as everyone loves surprises, it's best if you first sound the idea to her and confirm that it's not interfering with her other plans. This will also help her prepare for the vacation together in the best possible manner. # It will be good to chalk out a budget and to discuss with her whether you would both like to stay in boutique hotels for than fancy, lush experience or would keep it simple and go for hostels/guesthouses. # Travel light and invest in sturdy backpacks for both of you. Would serve as an excellent gift for her and will speak volumes about your thoughtfulness. # It will help if you both discuss and lock in some destinations, that offer the most things that are in line with your mutual interests. # As for gifts, it's appreciable that you think of getting one for each member, but too fast, too soon can be a bit overwhelming. Keep it simple and it would be best that you focus on first re-discovering and enjoying different facets of each other's personalities. As and when things progress, you can graduate to the next level when your partner would like to introduce you to her family and friends.   Good luck and have a great vacation together.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Dec 18, 2017
    Wife no longer interested?
    Hi! I How about starting from the basics? Building up strong emotional and intellectual intimacy where you connect more with her, by talking about her day at work, sharing your insights and inputs to help her weather through any challenges at the workplace, that she is facing. Be the wind beneath her wings, empower her. Let her know you are there for her, through thick and thin. Marriage is so much more than just physical intimacy. I understand that being physically intimate is equally important, but maybe she's too drained out and not up for it after a long day at work. Offer her help in domestic chores, take for a spin in your car, just the two of you, for that sinful hot chocolate fudge. It may just serve as the right aphrodisiac to want to have sex with you. Ask her about how she has been holding up against any odds at work. Compliment her for constantly trying to juggle household and work responsibilities with equal poise. Once you ease the pressure off her back and show empathy, she will really look forward to indulging in a love-filled time with you.
  • CindyBaker answered a question on Jul 21, 2020
    How can we fill both our needs when our needs are so different?
    Hi! I completely understand where you are coming from and wish to help you by putting things in perspective for you and sounding a plan of action that can empower you with more purposefulness and fulfillment. Happiness is an add-on, though :)   From what I gathered, you and your partner are both at the opposite end of the spectrum with polarized needs. # You crave for more connection. # He feels stifled with too much proximity and wants space.   But here's what works for you! You have been married for 16 years and let's credit you both for the continued effort in making the marriage work. He on his part shows the intent to make it work by watching your body cues and listening to your words to hear what he’s “supposed” to do.   Similarly, you have patiently acknowledged and accommodated his need for space away from you. So far neither of you has shown the inclination to opt-out. So you are in this together for keeps. Congratulations. Now to make it worth the effort for you, you can now start designing your life in a more constructive manner, because luckily for you you don't have a partner who's breathing down your neck.   You have all the time and space to pursue interests that will add value to your life and make it more enriching. Invest your time and energy to attain fitness goals and you will be brimming with confidence at getting that healthy glow and agility back. Not daunting big goals, but small, achievable milestones. Chances are you will be striking connect with people and building lasting friendships with them, fulfilling your need for the human connection.   Reach out to like-minded individuals - friends, family and acquaintances at work or close vicinity to have meaningful, fun and engaging conversations that rejuvenate you. Since you mentioned you are an extrovert, it will come easily to you to endear yourself and in no time, you will be feeling more emotionally satiated. You had been so busy all this while trying to crack the code to marital bliss, I bet you have missed out on so much - A spa retreat, snuggling up with a book and coffee, taking up that short course on skill upgradation - your calling card to the promotion at work or to land up a job in line with your interest and expertize.   Life has so much to offer. Choose happiness and happiness will choose you. Don't miss out on the bounty of things that life has to offer to you. You need to stop pinning all your hopes on your partner to make you feel complete. Once you have so much going on in your own headspace and life, you will notice a conspicuous change in your own approach towards him. He will also feel absolved of not being enough for you too. :)   You will both be looking forward to spending a more fulfiling time together, without really clocking in the minutes or hours. My best wishes to both of you and to a more enriching life ahead for you:)
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