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- SUTTON32 answered You are wise to recognize that your relationship is only undergoing a bad phase, and not doomed to fail entirely. A bad phase in a relationship can be caused by many factors, most of which are temporary. That’s a good thing. To get through this difficult time, the best advice is to try reconnecting with your partner on an emotional level. One of the best ways to do that is to plan time where the two of you can have fun together and do the kinds of things that brought you together in the first place. That will strengthen your bond and minimize the negative impact of your current situation.
- SUTTON32 answered If your relationship is setting off health problems, it’s time to get serious about addressing the issues that are causing you pain. Breaking up isn’t the only solution, but having some time away could help. Whenever we’re under immense stress, our bodies react to help us get out of the stressful situation. You don’t necessarily make good long-term decisions under these conditions, though, because the stress hormones focus your attention on more immediate details. Finding some way to reduce your stress load, whether through yoga and meditation or taking a break is the best thing you can do in your situation.
- SUTTON32 answered When you’re on the brink of divorce, it can be helpful to sit back and take stock of your relationship. While it’s normal to want to save your relationship, that may not always be the best approach to problem solving. Consider instead what the best outcome may be for everyone involved, including any children you have together. What will bring peace and create a lasting opportunity for you to be healthy? Most people find there are two main paths to pursue: the first is to divorce and watch the marriage troubles dissolve along with the union; the other is to get counseling for help solving problems.
- SUTTON32 answered Many people in their second marriage find that they can apply some of the lessons they learned from their first marriage. These include: • Don’t say “always” and “never” – these are trigger words that usually create defensiveness. • Say how you feel without blaming each other – using “I statements” can really help when you need to raise an issue without attacking. • Don’t sweat the small stuff – everyday challenges come and go. Your ability to withstand small arguments rests on the health of your relationship. • Work as a team – too often marriage becomes a competition rather than a team sport.
- SUTTON32 answered Writing a separation agreement has been made easy by the ubiquitous nature of information online. Remember that the goal of a separation agreement is simply to detail out how things will be handled. It can include many practical considerations like living arrangements and visitation schedule, but it also usually addresses any financial support and asset allocation. These are complex matters, and venturing into the territory on your own can be daunting. It’s best to take a look at the numerous examples available online and rework them to match your situation. Think of them as a starting point for thinking through your circumstances.
- SUTTON32 answered Solving marriage problems can be easy when you and your partner have a good communication pattern already established. Being prepared to hear negative feedback about something you did that your partner didn’t appreciate is only possible when both spouses don’t react defensively. When a wife tells a husband that she didn’t like what he said to her, she tells him first how it made her feel. He can choose to focus on her feelings and apologize for making her feel bad, or he can brush off her feelings and say his comments weren’t offensive. The first option makes problem solving easier.
- SUTTON32 answered Marriage license requirements are typically set by state law, so the amount of time it takes to get one will vary from state to state. That said, the issuing authority is usually the county clerk’s office in the county where the wedding is held. In most cases, you can send in your marriage license (that’s the one that gets signed by the wedding officiate and, in most cases, witnesses) and the county will process it within about 7 – 10 days. Once the license has been processed, you can order your marriage certificate. That’s the official record that says you’ve been married.
- SUTTON32 answered Divorce therapy gives people who are going through a divorce the opportunity to process and grieve the loss of their relationship with a qualified expert who can help. Divorce is a traumatic experience, and it can often trigger underlying mental health issues such as depression or anxiety, sleep disorder and catastrophic thinking. People tend to see divorce as a serious personal failure, and divorce therapy can help the person with self esteem issues and building successful relationships to counterbalance that pain. Divorce therapy is different from relationship therapy or marriage counseling in that people are seen individually, with the goal of getting through the crisis rather than repairing the relationship.
- SUTTON32 answered Most people seek referrals from friends and family to find the right marriage counselor, but if you’re concerned about being discreet, there are still some options. If your medical insurance carrier has a website, they probably also provide an online listing of providers. You can search through their list to find a counselor in your area, and then call them to see if they’re accepting new patients. If you’re accessing marriage counseling without the benefit of insurance, you can still find one online. Try the website of the American Psychological Association to find a qualified marriage and family therapist.
- SUTTON32 answered Marriages are not usually the happily-ever-after fairy tale ending we’ve been taught to expect. Marriages are hard because they involve two whole and separate people trying to figure out how to work together despite (usually) having seen poor examples from their parents of what teamwork in married life should look like. The ideal scenario provided by popular culture is no better. We are taught to believe that if the relationship is right and meant to be, then everything else will just work itself out. That’s not even remotely true though, as anyone who has been married can attest.
- SUTTON32 answered A successful marriage is one in which both parties feel the relationship improves their lives rather than detracting from it. Most couples find marriage to be a source of joy as well as challenges, and the ones who get a lot out of their marriages will also put a lot of energy into overcoming the challenges together. There will always be time when a marriage feels like more trouble than it’s worth, but if you sit back and take stock of your relationship, you can consider whether it’s really been adding value to your life by encouraging your personal growth.
- SUTTON32 answered A little bit of time and attention can help any couple sweeten their marriage. Most marriages are burdened by a mountain of tiny conflicts that can build up over time. The salve that heals those wounds comes from a strong emotional bond between a couple. You can improve that bond and sweeten your relationship by attending to the romantic needs of your relationship and maintaining a friendship with your spouse. Consider having a regular date night or going away for a weekend retreat at the beach or in the mountains. Do fun things together. Laugh and enjoy each other’s company.
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"Should couples seek counseling all through their marriage....given different stages and challenges?"There are benefits to couples counseling during every stage of a marriage. Even when things are going well, marriage counselors can help. One thing a good counselor will do when times are good is to get the couple talking about why they’re not having trouble. Specifically, what behaviors are in place that are making things run smoothly? The benefit of doing this exercise is that when life gets more stressful and spouses resort to old behaviors, they have the crystal clear description of how to overcome conflict and a recent example to help them avoid the common pitfalls of marriage.
- SUTTON32 answered Date your spouse! No, seriously, take your spouse out on a date and remove all other distractions so you can focus on that one special person in your life. Remember what it was like when you first started dating, how much attention you gave to him or her and all the everyday problems you forgot about when you were together. Do your best to recapture that feeling that made this relationship so special, and tend to one another’s feelings and needs as if they really mattered. Because they do. Your spouse can be a source of joy if you can set aside everything else for just a little while.
- SUTTON32 answered Gay couples typically experience the same or similar issues as their heterosexual counterparts, and can benefit from counseling in comparable ways. Every romantic relationship experiences conflict, and the way we learn to resolve conflict is based on what our parents have modeled for us. In most cases, the tools we’ve learned this way are riddled with problems and don’t always work for us the way they did for our parents. When you exhaust your known strategies for coping with relationship problems, that’s when it’s a good time to start looking for a couples counselor, who can help by giving you new tools.
- SUTTON32 answered Couples psychotherapy is similar to traditional couples counseling, but it may use a more therapeutic approach when dealing with the couple’s relationship concerns. Psychotherapy recognizes the underlying mental health issues that can trigger problems in a marriage. A trained psychotherapist can diagnose and treat those problems individually, but couples psychotherapy helps both spouses to better understand how those underlying problems can interact with the relationship dynamic in both positive and negative ways. When one or both spouses are dealing with significant mental health issues, opting for couples psychotherapy is a wiser choice than simply going in for couples counseling.
- SUTTON32 answered Some of the most common relationship problems that every couple may encounter at one time or another include all of the basic human tendencies. These include: • Trust issues • Infidelity • Hurt feelings • Triggering old wounds • Power struggles • Differences in upbringing • Conflict over child rearing • Communication problems • Blaming each other • Nitpicking • Insecurity and neediness • Competition between partners • Keeping secrets • Financial difficulties • Trouble with in-laws, friends and family • Keeping romance alive • Sexual dysfunction • Neglect and disconnection • Emotional or physical abuse • Feeling disrespected or taken for granted
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I am 30 year old married guy and bored with my wife. How can I rekindle romance again in my marriage?Rekindling the romance mostly happens in the mind, so the good news is – you’re asking the right question. If you so desire, you can reignite the passion in your relationship, and all it takes is a little bit of attention to detail. To start things off, what activities have you always talked about doing together as a couple but never actually done? Make it a priority to do that and have fun with your spouse. Eliminate the distractions of the day to day realities and go on a date. The bottom line is to loosen up and reconnect emotionally to rekindle that spark.
- SUTTON32 answered Since online dating has become more mainstream, the internet has seen an ever-growing number of websites dedicated to finding that special someone. The most recent development has been the increasing specialization of those sites to match people’s interests, values, and yes – even religion. So there is a special section on websites dedicated to Muslim matches, and we’ve also seen new independent Muslim dating sites come online. Explore the internet and you are sure to come across dating sites that are “ purely for those seeking Muslim singles for marriage in a manner that adheres to the Islamic rules on courtship.”
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My parents want me to get married soon. Please tell some marriage websites where I can find eligible grooms.Finding a groom online is possible, and there are many dating websites devoted to making long-term matches between people. The best advice would be to find one or two of these dating services that best matches your needs and interests. Women looking for grooms might do well on some large and popular websites but if you want to find someone within your culture or you faith, you should try one of the smaller dating sites that dedicate themselves to a particular subgroup.
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Recently I fell for a married man but after knowing that he is gay I was taken aback. Tell me how can I get rid of him?If you fell for a married man and didn’t know he was gay, then he is almost certainly bi-sexual, meaning that he is sexually attracted to both genders. If you’re feeling uncomfortable with his sexuality, the best thing to do would be to talk to him about your feelings. Maybe you can ask him some questions that will better help you understand his sexual orientation, and it will give you a chance to let him know if you want to stop dating. You should do this in a way that is non-threatening by just saying how you feel (i.e., uncomfortable) and not insult him for the way he is.
- SUTTON32 answered Love and relationships are complicated because they involve human beings going through life, and life is itself complicated without adding another person into the mix. When you involve yourself with someone romantically, they open up to you and let down their guard. In return, they hope that you will not hurt them, at least not intentionally. We all grow up with different expectations about love and marriage, and we bring those into our partnerships with others. Most times, we are disappointed because the reality very rarely matches up with those expectations. Try relaxing your ideal of what it means to live happily ever after.