- SULLIVAN41 answered Dating someone in secret puts a lot of strain on the relationship and can limit the future possibilities of where the romance may lead. It calls to mind the question about why the affair must be kept a secret? Who would be hurt if your relationship was discovered, and how is the secret protecting you or your dating partner? In most cases, it would be better to address the root cause that’s leading you to secretly date someone (troubled marriage, disapproving family, etc.) than to continue in secret. After all, what if you really like this person and then have to reveal the secret later on?
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"Many religions believe that the wife must submit to her husband fully. What should be some of my vows to my husband?"Your wedding vows should be based in your faith traditions and cultural customs. If you believe that wives should submit to their husbands, then by all means, include that in your vows. It is considered traditional to go either way. Most time-honored marriage vows include phrases about loving and honoring one’s spouse, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. These statements describe the overarching definition of marriage as being a union between two individuals that shall survive all of life’s troubles, no matter what comes. There are many other passages in religious texts that are used to further clarify and support the role of husbands and wives, but not all are included in wedding vows.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Wedding vows are sacred because they are indicative of the kind of relationship a couple is supposed to strive for the rest of their lives. Because a marriage is a contract between two people, and it lasts longer than most other contracts, it’s important to be clear about how the couple is supposed to proceed. Advice is handed down through generations and codified through religious practice and other customs to give the marrying couple the best chance at success. Holding the vows as sacred stresses the importance of adhering to the rules and guidelines as they’re laid out.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Many couples walk into marriage counseling with a completely broken relationship. They don’t know how to solve their problems, and oftentimes they don’t even know how to discuss their issues without serious arguments. Those kinds of conflicts often make the situation worse because people tend to say things they don’t mean and hurt one another deeply. Couples counselors will start off by taking a history of the couple’s relationship, including any sore spots and recurring conflicts. They’ll then get them talking about one small source of trouble, and guide them through how to discuss the problem without making things worse.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Teenagers are new to romance and are therefore doomed to operate without the benefit of experience or the wisdom that goes with it. In addition, their bodies are full of hormones that are new and usually unbalanced. That will change in time, but while they’re still undergoing puberty, teens tend to feel everything very acutely, which often leads to drama. One thing that can make any relationship difficult is when one or both parties have self-esteem issues, and teenagers are notorious for having feelings of insecurity. When you add all of these things together, it’s no wonder why teen romances tend to be short-lived.
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I am lesbian and recently broke up with my girlfriend. Want some relationship advice to deal with the break up.Going through a breakup is hard on a person in many ways. To give yourself the best chance at overcoming the hurt, you’ll need to focus your attention on taking care of yourself and moving on. Start off by making a decision to engage with new people, places and things. Sign up for an art class or join a discussion group to learn new skills and meet new people. You should also make sure your body is getting the rest and exercise it needs to deal with the additional stress of the breakup, so consider signing up for a yoga class or joining a gym.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Decisions about allowing dating between teenagers are typically based on cultural norms, so the answer may differ depending on where you’re from. Usually it’s a good idea to put some limits around teen dating, especially since they’re new to the dating game and tend to get carried away sometimes. Most parents limit their teens by restricting dating until the child is a certain age, and they slowly give their teenagers more responsibility as they get older (i.e., double-dating and group dates may be allowed at a younger age). Whatever your decision, make sure you have a clear understanding of the expectations for your teenager.
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I am a gay and have been facing many difficulties till date. Need some practical relationship advice.Many people think that homosexual relationships are fundamentally different from heterosexual ones, but that’s really not the case. A romance between two people involves intimacy and vulnerability, which means there needs to be an underlying trust and respect between them. When trust is broken or one party feels disrespected by the other, it always causes problems for the relationship. Gay relationships may be further complicated by lack of familial support and religious community, but in other ways they are exactly like heterosexual marriages. If you’re gay and looking for help with your relationship, you can also seek couples counseling.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Children are affected by divorce, and while each situation is unique, there are some commonalities. • Children don’t understand larger and more complicated relationship problems, so when parents are facing a split, kids often cope by finding fault with themselves. It’s natural to blame ourselves for the things that hurt us when we can’t find another solution, but kids often don’t speak up about their pain. • Many kids suffer from low self-esteem when their parents break up. That’s because they identify so closely with their parents that the failure of the relationship feels like it’s their own personal failing.
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Are adult children of alcoholics attracted to those who have compulsive personalities and alcohol problems?We are all, almost universally, attracted to people with whom we can have relationships that are similar to those we know from growing up – the ones we had with our parents. The reason we get along with some people immediately – the ones we “click” with – is because the way they relate to us is familiar. We know how to interact, what’s expected, what’s normal, etc. Then we often have the same relationship difficulties with our spouses as we had with our parents because of it. Adult children of alcoholics are often attracted to unstable people because for them, that’s what feels familiar.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Children whose parents are divorcing may often become withdrawn. Unable to process their feelings, they hold everything inside and put on a brave face because they don’t know what else to do. Later in life, that tendency to bottle up their most distressing emotions can be problematic. They may also learn negative behavior patterns from their parents’ broken model of what a relationship is supposed to look like and how it should function. Children who don’t withdraw may go to the other extreme and act out with misbehavior. This draws attention away from what’s causing them stress, but also masks the problem.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Children can have a lot of difficulty dealing with divorce. For very young children who are still quite close to their parents, it can feel as if their whole world is falling apart. They need a lot of reassurance and the opportunity to ask questions until they feel certain they know what to expect. Sometimes they will need to be drawn into a conversation, as they’re too young to understand their feelings and frequently internalize the stress. Many kids will require reassurances that the divorce is not their fault and that their parents still love them. Most children of divorce can benefit from counseling to help them process their feelings.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Many women are treated badly in dysfunctional relationships, primarily because their partners don’t understand how abusive they are. Even for the woman in question, abuse may seem normal based on past relationships. In addition, the interaction between them and their partners is not 100% negative. There are a lot of positives to be gained even from a bad relationship, such as affection, financial stability and taking care of children together. That’s why a lot of women stay in abusive situations when, from the outside it seems clear that she should leave. Women who leave under these conditions also face a lot of hardship and may fear retribution.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Counseling can be very helpful for survivors of domestic violence. The consequences of abuse are many, and you will likely have been affected in many areas of your life, including: how you approach romantic relationships, your self-esteem/self image, ability to trust others, knowing how to set boundaries, and so on. Counseling will help you develop a healthy sense of self, including how to set boundaries with others and how to begin trusting again. It may take some time, but if you find a good counselor you feel comfortable with and do what they ask of you, you can eventually feel better.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Custody just means who will take care of the children, especially in the event of a divorce or the death of a parent. Natural parents are usually granted custody of their children unless there are extenuating circumstances. When parents divorce, custody becomes a question because of course the children can’t live with both parents full time. A lot of families do work out shared custody situations though, where kids live with each parent about the same amount of time. In other cases, one parent will have primary physical custody while the other has the right to appropriate visitation with the kids.
- SULLIVAN41 answered When parents divorce, children suffer in a variety of ways. Most kids will struggle to understand not only what’s happening but why. They’re unable to process their feelings adequately on their own, and if they develop a maladaptive coping mechanism during this time, it can affect them throughout their lives. That’s why it’s important to talk with children about what it means when mommies and daddies get divorced, making sure they know that their parents still love them and in what ways their lives will be different after divorce. Be sure to allow time and space for them to process their feelings and encourage a variety forms of expression, including journaling, drawing and sports such as martial arts.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Women experiencing domestic violence situations have a few places to turn for help online, including The National Domestic Violence Hotline, Women Helping Women, and an online resource center from HelpGuide.org that lists phone numbers for international support. In their local communities women may find independently run shelters that keep women safe and their whereabouts confidential. Once they’re in a safe space, however, these women need a number of services and as well as a supportive network of other people to rely on as needed. Services may include child care and relocation help as well as financial support from programs federal and state aid programs.
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Handling divorce and kids at same time gets difficult. Please tell me about few things for which I need to be mindful.When you’re going through a divorce, chances are you’re going to get run down and stressed. You’ll need extra help and self-care during this time to make sure you stay healthy and can handle the extra stress. Your children are experiencing a similar rise in stress levels and may act out or bottle up their emotions in response to the situation. They also need extra TLC throughout this time. Be sure to watch for signs of adolescent depression in teens, and have age-appropriate conversations with children to help them understand what’s happening and how to deal with their feelings.
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My husband treats me very badly. I need information about domestic violence laws to file a case against him.If you’re in an abusive relationship, there are several areas you should consider. First, your physical safety and that of any children in the home is of paramount importance, so you’ll need a safe place to stay before you can even consider pressing charges against your husband. Once you’re safe, you can file a complaint against your husband with the police. That will launch a criminal investigation and the prosecutor will act more or less as your advocate. You may also have the option of filing civil suit, and you certainly can choose to file for a divorce, but you’ll want to consult an attorney before doing that.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Domestic violence is unfortunately a daily reality for many people, including men, who often suffer in silence due to the stigma attached to being a victim. Men may experience physical and verbal assaults and even sustain severe injuries from their partners in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. There are special help lines set up for men experiencing domestic violence, and in some cases, special temporary housing can be arranged. Men often face barriers to getting help when it comes to domestic violence programs, however, since most of them are structured with women in mind and may even exclude men outright.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Unfortunately, there is no single answer when it comes to adoption. That’s because children may be adopted through a variety of state-run and privately run agencies, and each of these will have their own rules and requirements that adoptive parents must follow. In general, each U.S. state sets their own rules for adoption, and agencies operating within the state are licensed to operate by state authorities. Children living in foster care may be adopted through the state-run adoption agency, private adoptions may be independently arranged, and international adoptions may be available from adoption agencies in other countries.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Many people think of domestic violence as being about physical violence only, when really there are many forms of domestic violence you should be aware of. Psychological abuse happens when one partner manipulates, controls, insults, calls names, and otherwise disparages his or her partner. This can leave the victim feeling worthless and incapable of changing their situation. Restricting access to finances is also considered a form of abuse, although most people aren’t aware of it. Sexual abuse can also exist within a romantic relationship when one partner forces the other to engage in sex acts against his or her will.
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Is it a good idea to adopt a child from another country as my husband and I are planning to relocate?Many couples adopt children from other countries even if they’re not relocating, but certainly if you are planning an international move, then you may want to consider adopting a child that’s born in the country you plan on living in. Remember that when you adopt a child in a foreign country, they will not automatically gain U.S. citizen status. According to the State Department, children adopted abroad automatically acquire U.S. citizenship if the following are true: “At least one of the child's parents is a U.S. citizen; the child is under 18; the child lives in the legal and physical custody of the American citizen parent; the child is admitted into the United States as an immigrant for lawful permanent residence; and the adoption is final.”
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I am a single parent and facing lot of health issues. Can you tell me how can I place my baby for adoption?Placing your baby for adoption is a very personal and intensely emotional decision; however, being a single parent with a lot of health issues can make it almost impossible for you to raise your child. In that case, adoption may be the best choice you can make to ensure it gets all the support and care it needs. You have several options to consider, including private adoption, kinship adoption, guardianship and whether to choose closed or open adoption. In most cases, you should consult an attorney who will explain your rights and represent you in any negotiations once you find the right adoptive parents.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Financial trouble is cited as a top reason for divorce, so money problems in a relationship should not be ignored. It’s important to realize that people have different ideas about how to use, spend, and save money, and that many couples who are facing financial hardships tend to disagree about some fundamental issues with regard to spending and saving. Compulsive spending is also a problem that can plague a marriage, and it can be just as devastating as alcoholism and other compulsive behaviors. The best advice is to be proactive. Take a financial literacy class together and decide as a team how you will manage your finances.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Many people believe in everlasting happiness, or “happily ever after” as we so often heard as children. The truth is that happiness is largely a choice you can make rather than a destination to be reached. That said, however, family counseling can reduce a lot of pain and sadness in your life, which could lead you to be a happier person overall. Pain and sadness that springs from stress over family relationships can be processed with a family counselor. The counselor will also give you tools and tips for handling future conflicts in ways that will reduce frustration and improve your quality of life.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Children are the most vulnerable members of society, and there are many ways they can be mistreated. Special care should be taken with children to help them understand their rights, including: • Children should never be forced to hug or kiss anyone, even family members • Children need the ability to safely express their feelings • Bullying happens not only at school. Kids need to be taught that they don’t have to deal with bullying on their own. In addition to kids understanding their rights, the adults in their lives also need to be considerate of a child’s feelings, needs, and wants.
- SULLIVAN41 answered If you’re divorced and don’t have primary physical custody of your children, keeping your relationship with them strong can be challenging. It’s important to spend time with your children, and historically that’s been difficult as living apart provides few opportunities for meaningful interaction. All that has changed, however, as video chat has become a reality. You should plan on taking a few minutes every day to interact with them online. Being a regular part of your child’s life can mean following them on social media and commenting on their posts. Of course you’ll also want to attend any art showings, music recitals and spectator games as well.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Domestic violence is an issue that affects millions of families. Stopping it altogether will take time and a major shift in social consciousness. Within a family or a community, however, the task is easier to accomplish. The best way to bring about change would appear to be having many conversations about the violence, discussions in which victims are able to safely confront their abusers and show them the harm they’ve done. Ultimately, it will be up to the abuser to stop resorting to abusive behavior. The best thing survivors can do is figure out what it will take to keep themselves safe.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Spousal abuse can take many forms, many of which are unfamiliar to most people. Everyone has heard of domestic violence, and the term immediately calls up the image of physical brutality. However, there are several other forms of abuse that can be just as damaging and more insidious. Cruelty and obsessive control over one’s spouse can be so extreme as to constitute psychological abuse. Controlling partners also use any power they have at their disposal to manipulate their spouse, resulting in financial and emotional abuse or even using the children as leverage to coerce the victim to submit to the authority of the abuser.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Domestic violence has many long term effects that hurt survivors. Some common problems are negative self-talk and low self-esteem, trust issues, post-traumatic stress disorder, boundary issues and further abusive relationships. To get these problems under control will take a lot of hard work. Survivors may get help in many places, but they’ll need to be willing to change their thinking in several ways to find relief. Those looking for self-help will discover book stores and libraries are full of useful tools and techniques. Some may even have workbooks that aid in working through issues. Alternatively, psychological counseling is also a practical solution to those looking for healing.
- SULLIVAN41 answered If you’re in an abusive relationship, there are several things you need. The first problem is realizing that the relationship is actually an abusive one. That can take many years for some, while others may never come to that point. So how to deal with the fallout from the abuse? Take care of yourself as well as you can. Build out your support network and seek counseling to learn healthier coping skills. Keep a journal where you can write about your feelings and process new ideas about how to care for yourself. Most importantly, don’t blame yourself for the abuse and remember that you deserve to be safe.
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My husband and I have decided to get divorced. Can you tell me how we can place our children for adoption?Placing a child up for adoption is a deeply personal and often gut-wrenching decision. Once you’ve decided that’s the best option, there are several choices you’ll face. The first is whether to go through a state or other agency which will make most of the arrangements, or if you’ll have a private adoption where you will locate and work with the adoptive parents you want for your child. For private adoption, you should consult an attorney who specializes in family law. If you wish to go through a state or private agency, you’ll have to do some research to figure out which one best suits the kind of adoption you’d prefer.
- SULLIVAN41 answered When divorced parents wish to remarry, their children may face certain issues. Depending on the age of the children, they may have difficulty adjusting, and most children will have difficulty knowing what to expect from a new step-parent or even step-brothers and step-sisters. The best advice is to give the children age-appropriate information and set their expectations for how things will go. Give them plenty of time to process the changes and offer lots of opportunities to ask questions. Make sure they know that although day-to-day life will change, your love for them will not. They will always remain important to you.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Fertility is thought of as the “normal state” and therefore infertility seems abnormal. It’s more accurate, though, to realize that there are many normal causes for infertility. Secondary infertility is defined as infertility after both partners have had successful reproduction that was achieved without fertility treatment. Some of the most common reasons for this condition have to do with the natural fertility cycle in both men and women. Related factors might be endometriosis that developed after an early pregnancy, irregular ovulation or fallopian tube disease in women. In men the factors are related to sperm count and sperm motility.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Many women have difficulty identifying an abusive relationship until they’re already deeply involved. That’s partly because of the way the abuse cycle works, and partly due to cultural blindness and conditioning or “grooming” of young women to submit to abuse. The abuse cycle begins with the pursuit phase that leads to a honeymoon phase during which time the abuser is loving, charming, sweet and kind. That is eventually succeeded by the build-up phase, where the abuser’s anger mounts, culminating in that “walking on eggshells” feeling. Ultimately there will be an explosive episode and afterward a remorse phase before the cycle starts over again.
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I'm divorcing my husband. But I'm afraid what will happen with our kids? What can I do to keep the bond intact?Divorce is hard on everyone involved, including the children. Special care should be taken to ensure that they are able to process the drastic changes they’ll experience, which can be traumatizing. If you’re interested in keeping your relationship with your kids strong, you should spend extra time with them during the divorce and make sure they have a clear understanding of what will happen afterward. Always honor your commitments to your children, since they will be on the lookout for signs of instability during this unsettling time. Make sure you spend plenty of time with them, by phone or internet even if you’re far away.
- SULLIVAN41 answered If you’ve had any experience with teen dating violence, then you know how damaging it can be. Most teen experiencing this sort of violence may not even be aware that it’s wrong. Teasing, name-calling and other negative behaviors may be seen as normal, but they are clear warning signs of potentially abusive people. Younger siblings may have to learn this for themselves, but talking to them about what to watch out for may help. Have a conversation about how teasing may lead to more serious behaviors later on, and check for signs of depression or anxiety, as they are common among teens experiencing dating violence.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Child abuse can affect children in many ways during their development. Scientists have found abnormalities in brain function, difficulty with emotional attachment and lower academic achievement resulting from abuse. Normally, when a person goes through a trauma, their brains process information differently as a result. Because a child’s brain is still developing, the trauma that happens to children can cause devastating effects that last a lifetime. Other factors can exaggerate those outcomes, such as not having strong relationships with other family members and close friends. Kids experiencing abuse may act out in negative ways or become withdrawn, both of which limit their social development as well.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Intimate partner violence has also been called domestic violence and domestic abuse. The term has been expanded to include romantic relationships where the couple does not cohabitate and one or more forms of abuse exists. This type of violence may take many forms. While physical attacks are what immediately comes to mind when discussing violence, other forms of abuse are also included. These are mental and emotional abuse, physical control and restricting access to the outside world (confinement), financial abuse (where one partner’s access to money is controlled by the other and used to force compliance), and sexual abuse or rape.
- SULLIVAN41 answered If your husband’s ex-girlfriend is causing drama in your marriage, the best thing to do is to first discuss your concerns with your husband. If you’ve already tried that and nothing has changed, it may be wise to refocus his attention on the problem. You can do this by keeping a log of her behaviors and how they affect you as a couple, and confront him with the information to support your claims. If he’s not responsive to that approach or you don’t feel comfortable bringing it up to him on your own, consider seeing a counselor who can help you work through it together.
- SULLIVAN41 answered Marriage is a partnership that’s meant to last a lifetime. It has a lot to offer in terms of partnership in everyday life, parenthood and old age. Even if it’s a lot of work to save it, you would be better off investing that time and effort if the end result is that you have a relationship that was worth the effort. When you consider the benefits of having a lifelong partner, the answer seems fairly obvious. If you’re hesitating to do the work it might take to save your marriage, try remembering what it was like back when the relationship was working well.