- JamesN answered The ``honeymoon period´´ cant last forever, unfortunately. After a few years, the realities of life, money problems or family problems, stress from work, etc. take their toll. But it doesn't mean that your relationship has to fall apart. Realise that you will both change through the years and that your relationship can grow and develop as well. I think that as long as you keep honestly talking to one another, the relationship will work.
- JamesN answered Sometimes the bride and groom will go to one shop and set aside items that they want as gifts. This makes it very simple. But you could also just use those as a guideline - for example, if they chose a vase, you could order a bunch of flowers to be sent to their house once a month for a while. If they like to travel, buy them a popular travel book or some items that would be useful for travelling. Wedding gifts are usually useful things that the cuople needs to set up their home.
- JamesN answered I agree with Rycroft. We all think we need to make a big splash, but that is not true. I would begin by looking for something to praise your spouse for every single day. Tell them at least once a day that you love them. Hug them often. Kiss them when you leave each other's company and when you return. Remember the things that you loved about them in the beginning. They are still there, we just sometimes overlook them after a while.
- JamesN answered It doesn't have to be complicated, it just needs to show that you have put some thought into it. Do something that is special to both of you. If she likes going to plays, put a message inside the programme. Taking her out for dinner is a bit of a cliche, so perhaps avoid that. A picnic under the stars or on the beach; champagne on the top of a mountain with a beautiful view; a proposal message taped to a tree at the end of a hike; all of these are simple but will be special.
- JamesN answered I think the most romantic way is the one that will be most special to your girlfriend. This will vary with what she likes to do, what type of person she is and what things you like to do together. It is no good proposing to her on the beach in the rain if she would rather be sitting indoors by a raging fire with a glass of wine in her hand. The important thing is not to over-think it. If she loves you and you have made an effort to make it special, she will think it very romantic, whatever you do..
- JamesN answered You have to hold the same belief system, values and morals. You can make allowances for other personality differences like one who is an extrovert and one n introvert, or if one is physically active and one is a bookworm. But you are in trouble if one thinks that cheating on your taxes is acceptable and the other does not, for example. Or if one spouse thinks that flirting with others is harmless but the spouse does not think so.
- JamesN answered Someone said that getting married is like gtting a huge surpise parcel. It may look beautiful on the outside, but you never know what is inside until you open it. Premarital counselling can help to avoid unpleasant surprises. You may not be aware of your partner's feelings or thoughts about certain issues until they come out in a discussion. You can also discuss how you will raise children, how money will be handled, what to do with interfering in-laws and more. Why not avoid areas of potential conflict if you can?
- JamesN answered The exact vows vary between denominations but the basics are the same. It takes place in front of one or two witnesses, usually two. Each partner vows that there is no legal reason why they can't get married. They promise to forsake all others and remain true to one person. They promise to love and cherish the other person in sicknesss and health, for better or for worse, until separated by death.
- JamesN answered Most couples only seek help when it is too late and the problems are insurmountable. I am not sure why, but we often see marriage problems as a sign of failure and are ashamed, instead of realising that difficulties are an inevitable part of any relationship. Ask for help when you can't sort out problems after you have tried to talk it out. Knowing when to ask for help is a sign of strength, not weeakness.
- JamesN answered Hard as it is, it is better to discover that you shouldn't be in the reltionship before you get married. I wish that I had heeded the red flags before I was married, instead of having to deal with them when we were married and there were children. This does not mean that your relationship is over. Will your boyfriend go with you to counselling? It is great that you want to fix the problems now, and I think it shows maturity and commitment.
- JamesN answered Getting divorced is like having your heart ripped out without anaesthetic. I know because I have been through it. You have to go through the stages of grief and allow yourself to mourn, be kind to yourself, and look after yourself. Eat well and exercise even when you really don’t feel like it. Spend time in prayer or meditating to rebuild your spirit, as it will have taken a real knock too, and you will be feeling very hurt and vulnerable. Talk to someone sympathetic if you can. Try not to argue with your ex-spouse or allow them to continue to upset you. Try to take an emotional step back from the situation. And keep reminding yourself that it will eventually pass and you will feel whole again one day.
- JamesN answered You can get divorced even if your spouse does not agree with it. It will probably be more costly though as they will contest it which will increase legal fees. You could consider just living apart for a while until your spouse gets accustomed to the idea and sees that it is actually a solution. It is btter if the two of you can sort things out between yourselves as to how the divorce will proceed. If you are adamant because the marriage has been intolerable, don't back down.
- JamesN answered If you have just been living apart you may decide to give the marriage another chance. Do not proceed with the divorce unless you are completely sure it is what you want, but don’t let fear of the uncertain future keep you in a bad marriage. Nothing is finalised until the divorce has gone before a judge, so speak to your spouse and your lawyer if you have doubts about the wisdom of the divorce.
- JamesN answered In many divorces, emotions get in the way of good judgement. Do not let your bad relationship with your wife destroy your relationships with your children. Keep visiting them supporting them and talking to them. Set up mail addresses and give them cellphones so that they can get hold of you. Remember that they are the unwilling participants in this. Also remember that your wife may seem like she is being selfish and grabbing but perhaps she is just trying to secure a safe future for your children as well as herself.
- JamesN answered An uncontested divorce is the best way. It is not as costly legally. It is also less traumatic if you can work out the conditions of divorce between yourselves, such as the division of property and who the children will live with. You will still both need a lawyer who will draw up the papers for you. Both need to sign them, usually in front of a notary, with 2 witnesses. After this is goes to court and the judge will decree that you are divorced. Sometimes the parties do not both need to be there but only have a lawyer to represent them.
- JamesN answered Some divorced people go straight into another relationship while others may take years to find someone again. Whatever you decide to do, you must realise that the issues that caused the breakdown of your marriage are still there. Harsh as it sounds, we all contribute to it in some way. Be prepared to do some self-work so that you don’t repeat the mistakes of the past. Spend time building yourself up again as your self-esteem will have taken a hard knock. Trusting someone else may be very difficult if your divorce was traumatic.
- JamesN answered I think the Biblical idea of marriage is a lifelong, mutually-beneficial, loving relationship between a man and a woman. They are encouraged to exhibit Christian characteristics towards each other such as love, patience, kindness and respect. It is supposed to provide a safe and loving environment for children to grow up and learn about God.
- JamesN answered Unfortunately depression is one of the 5 stages of grieving. Getting divorced is as traumatic as losing someone to death. You have to give yourself time to move through the stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. If it helps, depression comes just before acceptance. And once you have accepted the facts, you are on the path to healing.
- JamesN answered Some warning signs :- Changes in appearance – maybe he takes more trouble with his appearance and his grooming than he used to. Changes in weight – he may be trying to make himself more attractive by losing weight or taking up exercise. . Changes in routine and lots of excuses. New or unusual items that he brings home. Changes in computer habits. Keeping his phone with him at all times. Changes in your sex life. Unexplained spending habits where he might be buying gifts for someone else or taking them out to dinner. I would also tell you to listen to that small voice in your head that warns you that something is wrong.
- JamesN answered Both parties work out who will be responsible for what, how the assets and debts will be divided and how the children will be taken care of. It can be a highly emotional subject and it may help to do it through lawyers though it is more costly. Once it has all been worked out it will go to court.
- JamesN answered Depression should never be ignored. It is a sign that something is seriously wrong in your life. It can be anger turned inside onto yourself. You may have been taught that anger is wrong and therefore you don’t allow yourself to feel rage. The first step is to go to a doctor ad get medication if necessary. Depression can be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain which needs to be rectified with medication. Depression can help you to become strong enough to address the underlying issues that are causing the depression.