- FLEMING01 asked
- FLEMING01 answered The Bible offers a lot of relationship advice, and some of its teachings on love are the most often used in wedding ceremonies. Corinthians I Chapter 13, verses 4 – 8 have often been quoted as the most salient passage about love ever written. It’s known as the “love is patient / love is kind” passage. John I Chapter 3 verse 18 says that we should show our love through actions. “Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.” And of course Jesus said that we should love our neighbor as ourselves.
- FLEMING01 answered By the time a man has reached a certain age he is usually married. It is unusual to find older men who are not married, or divorced. Therefore if he is a man who chooses to have affairs, he is likely to pick a beautiful young woman who will make him feel young and sexy again. His wife who is probably the same age as he is, may be showing signs of aging which he may find unattractive. So he shows the ultimate disrespect to his wife and finds someone younger and prettier on the sly. Young women are often vulnerable and impressionable and may feel flattered by the attention of an older man especially if he has money.
- FLEMING01 answered If you are determined to have an affair then a dating website will surely help you to reach that goal. Whether it will help you in your life and as a person is another matter. If you are already married then your priority is to work on your relationship with your spouse rather than seeking relationships outside of your marriage. If you are seeking only an “affair” on a physical level, you are setting yourself up for multiple disappointments where you will have to have more and more affairs to try and satisfy your addiction. It is better to cultivate a genuine relationship with someone who cares for you as a whole person, not just sexually.
- FLEMING01 answered A woman who is satisfied with her husband will be thinking of ways that she can satisfy him and how she can make their home and life a good place for them both to be together. If she is not satisfied with their marriage she will be open to explore other relationships which would essentially compromise and destroy her bond with her own husband. If she is willing to do this it shows that her marriage does not mean enough to her to protect it and keep it sacred between her and her husband. Perhaps she enjoys the security and status that her marriage provides, but is not interested in the relationship commitment towards her husband, so she feels it is OK to just use him as a figurehead while she gives her heart and body to other men.
- FLEMING01 answered The birth of a baby has a truly profound effect on any marriage, especially if it is your first baby. You are not quite sure what to expect and you both have to learn how to care for this precious new little life. It is a time when your own needs and selfishness go out the window as you focus on the needs of your baby. When there is tension between mother and father this can be very difficult, not only for them but also for the baby who can subconsciously pick up the negative atmosphere. There is always possibility for dealing with the difficulties by seeking help through competent marriage counseling and therapy and by seeking to build a support structure around your relationship of caring friends and family. Do not allow yourself to become isolated and alone. Many people have been through what you are going through and they can help you. Get help!
- FLEMING01 answered The say you need to choose your battles and this can be good advice. Take a very careful look at what exactly are the things that are causing conflict in your marriage every day. Are they big things or a whole lot of very small things? Can you find some other ways of coping with the small things rather than fighting about it? For example, if you fight about household chores you could sit down and reach an agreement about who does what, even make a roster, so that it’s clear to see and doesn’t need arguing about. If there are bigger underlying issues you may need to get some help from a counselor. Speaking with an objective third party can sometimes help you to get the perspective you need.
- FLEMING01 answered Marriage therapists can play a vital role in helping couples address, manage and overcome certain problems in their marriages. The extent to which marriage therapy is successful would depend on several factors, including the skill and qualification of the therapist, as well as the openness and willingness on the part of the couple to cooperate and participate fully in the therapy required. If one of the spouses is merely there under duress for the sake of placating the other spouse who desperately wants to save the marriage, then a good result may not be likely.
- FLEMING01 answered Perhaps you are struggling with a problem alone over a long period of time, and you just cannot seem to find a way forward. Then you decide to take a brave and tentative step towards getting some help and you send in your question to the marriage forum. Immediately you do not feel so alone, and the fact that someone has taken the time to think about your situation and offer you some answer, can be like a rope thrown to a drowning person. There are no quick fixes to most of life’s problems and you need to persevere to get the help that you need and to carve out the life that you deserve.
- FLEMING01 answered This is a very difficult situation which must be extremely painful for you. Please get some help for yourself as you cannot go through this alone. Talk to a trustworthy friend or confidant, your pastor or a counselor. If your husband is willing to stop the affair and admit that he has done wrong, then perhaps your marriage can be restored over time through counseling. Your relationship with your sister will also depend on her reaction as to whether she asks your forgiveness or not. Most of all you need to take time for yourself to get perspective on this situation. Get help from reliable and faithful people who know you and can advise you what best to do. Be patient with yourself and don’t rush into a decision until you are sure what to do.
- FLEMING01 answered Believing in God is the best thing you can do, but God has given a freewill to human beings, allowing them to make their own choices, whether they believe in him and accept his help or not. Because a marriage consists of two people who must each make their own choice, then sometimes a marriage is not saved if one believes and the other does not. Keep believing in God and asking him to give you wisdom to know what you must do in your situation. God is compassionate and patient. Believing in him will give you the strength and hope that you need to cope with a difficult situation.
- FLEMING01 answered Every behavior and choice we make has a future – either a good future or a bad future. Having affairs, whether in the workplace or anywhere else, ultimately has a bad future. Even if you manage to get away with it for a while, your relationship is based on lies and deceitfulness, sneaking around and being unfaithful. In the workplace this is especially inappropriate if you are trying to do an honest day’s work, and yet having this unhelpful complication in your life which may cause you to not be able to do your work properly in the end.
- FLEMING01 answered Premarital counseling can be extremely beneficial to couples and can set a strong foundation for their marriage, helping them to anticipate challenges which are bound to come. They can learn how to use challenges as stepping stones to a closer and more intimate relationship, rather than experiencing the challenges as stumbling blocks to derail their marriage. The degree to which premarital counseling is helpful depends on the skill of the counselor as well as the openness and willingness of the couple to learn and grow in their relationship.
- FLEMING01 answered Before you can fix something you need to know how and why it is broken. When it comes to marriage, there are two people involved, and there are usually multiple circumstances and reasons contributing to the breakdown of the relationship. If one person is highly concerned and motivated to try and fix the marriage, while the other is not, then there is not likely to be much success. Both partners need to recognize that they need help and be willing to go to a marriage counselor or therapist who can teach them new and healthy ways of relating to each another.
- FLEMING01 answered Both men and women have affairs and cheat. Women probably have different reasons for cheating than men, but the outcome and behavior comes down to the same thing which is infidelity or unfaithfulness. Women often seek affection and attention from a man, and they are particularly vulnerable if they are not getting this from their own husband, who may be too busy or preoccupied to realize that his wife needs him. When this kind of woman is shown “friendship” by another man who is charming and caring, she can easily respond positively, and then one thing leads to another until they are having a full blown affair.
- FLEMING01 answered Online marriage counseling can be a first step of reaching out for help, like calling the paramedics when you have had an accident, or the first aid people. Most people nowadays have access to the internet and it is a non-threatening way to tentatively do some research and make inquiries until you get to a place where you are ready to go and get help from someone face to face. Sometimes if your problem is temporary or minor you may find exactly the advice you need online. Other times you may be referred to the specialist that you need. Either way, online counseling can be a valuable stepping stone in your journey to wholeness and a healthy marriage.
- FLEMING01 answered Well done for realizing that your relationship needs saving and for asking for help. You need to sit down and take an inventory of your relationship and try to identify what is the main problem, and what is the root cause. Is there a communication problem? Has there been infidelity? What kind of “conflict resolution” have you been doing so far? Is it due to interference from family? When you know what the challenges are then you can think of practical ways to overcome these things. And remember, a relationship consists of two people in a partnership, so both parties need to be involved in saving the relationship – not just one side.
- FLEMING01 answered Prayers are indeed very powerful and there are many testimonies of people who have experienced miracles through prayer. The most important question would be to whom you are addressing those prayers. If you are praying to Almighty God, creator of heaven and earth, the one who instituted marriage in the first place, then indeed that is a good starting point. However it is necessary to have a relationship with the One to whom you are praying and to approach him on his terms. When it comes to marriage, God the original designer has set in place guidelines for a healthy and happy marriage relationship. When both partners are willing to follow those guidelines, while praying for God to help them, then the miracle can happen and their marriage can be saved.