- ARMSTRONG asked
- ARMSTRONG answered The first year of married life is often described as the most difficult and in some ways this can be true. Usually there are all the wonderful feelings of being in love, of planning the wedding, getting married and then the honeymoon. After that there is the everyday life of learning to live with another person twenty four seven. Marriage is a huge adjustment and a steep learning curve, especially in the first year when you really get to see a different side of each other. Nevertheless, the first year can be seen as the foundation you are building for the rest of your marriage as you learn to adapt and understand each other.
- ARMSTRONG answered This is a good question and it is great that you are taking time to prepare yourself mentally for the arrival of a very important little person into the world and into your life. It is helpful to read as many baby books as you can so that you know what you can expect in terms of the pregnancy, birth and then care of the newborn. If you and your spouse are both agreed on the timing and on your desire to start a family, then your baby will be off to a good start, knowing that it is accepted and wanted. If you have any unresolved issues with your own parents it might be good to make peace with them, and get some counselling before you become a parent yourself.
- ARMSTRONG answered A good starting point would be to visit your family doctor or gynaecologist for a check up to make sure there are no health concerns. They may recommend a course of vitamins or supplements to enhance your chances of getting pregnant sooner. Taking care of your body is paramount in that you should eat healthy foods, drink plenty of water, get enough exercise and sleep, and try to avoid stress as much as possible. Of course you would need to make love as often as possible, at least three times per week and in due course you can look forward to the happy news that you are pregnant.
- ARMSTRONG answered This is probably due to the increased empowerment of women and the greater awareness of women’s rights in general. In previous generations women were much less inclined to be outspoken and stand up for themselves, even feeling that they were somehow inferior or second-class, while men were the superior, first-class gender. This view has been steadily changing over recent decades, to the extent that many women now feel empowered to take the initiative to get themselves free from abusive or restrictive marriages. There has been a worldwide awareness campaign regarding abuse and domestic violence, opening up this topic as never before and helping those women suffering in such situations to realize that they are not alone and that there are steps they can take.
- ARMSTRONG answered Getting married means starting a new life andv adventure together. You can think of every day or every moment together as representing a brick or a building block. Day by day, moment by moment you are building some kind of dwelling place in which you can both live. Just as you are setting up a physical home together, so you are building a non-physical, but nevertheless very real place called your relationship. Over time as you carefully make your marriage relationship your priority, you will have a strong, safe and peaceful place to live. Make every conversation count, don’t let arguments and differences go unsettled – sort them out, forgive and keep growing closer and closer. Most of all, be kind, gentle and patient with each other.
- ARMSTRONG answered
Need some tips so that I can satisfy my taste buds as well as get equal nutrition while getting pregnant.Pregnancy can be a time when you don’t feel like eating much, especially at the beginning when you may experience a lot of nausea and vomiting. And then later on, cusually after the first trimester, you may feel ravenously hungry. Then towards the end of your term, every time you eat you may get heartburn and indigestion! Within all these parameters, it is important that you keep eating plenty of vegetables, fruit, and protein and keep your fluids up. With regard to your taste buds, it depends what your preferences are. Herb flavourings are healthy and give interesting variations, but you should avoid anything too spicy or acidic.
- ARMSTRONG answered They say you must choose your battles and this is very true. Some things are just not worth fighting over. When you find yourself feeling irritated about something small your spouse has said or done, ask yourself the question, “Is this more important than our relationship?” As you get to know each other more and more, you will learn what those “triggers” are, and the steps you can take to avoid unnecessary fights. For example, when your wife has not slept well or when she is having her monthly cycle, please be kind and gentle and don’t expect her to take on extra pressure. And if your husband has a stressful situation at work, be patient and understanding and give him a loving back and neck massage.
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I have a problem when I came to know that my friend's are dating secretly. How can I ignore this feeling?It can be a shock when you know someone well and then you find out something you never expected about them. It can also be hurtful to realize that for whatever reason they chose not to tell you. These feelings are real and it is best not to ignore them but rather to acknowledge and process them. Have a good look at why you are feeling the way you do. If you are able to talk it through with your friends you can explain to them how their behaviour has affected you. But if not, then talk to someone you trust who is in an objective position. Then you will be able to lay the matter to rest, and get on with your own life.
- ARMSTRONG answered Perhaps you are not sure how your parents will react to your news. If you think they may not take it well, you may need to be careful how you express yourself. And if you think they will be happy and excited then you can be freer about how you share. News like this is always better to share in person face to face. If you live far away from your parents then maybe you could call them on the telephone or skype, or even write them a letter. The way you phrase your news would depend on your personality, and that of your parents. You might like to say, “I have news for you – soon you will be grandparents!” Or when you greet your father you could say “Hello Grandad!”
- ARMSTRONG answered When you are pregnant you need to eat about 300 more calories per day than you did before you were pregnant. It is important to have a well-balanced diet and to take prenatal vitamins. The food you eat is the main source of nutrients for your growing baby. You will need protein and calcium for the baby’s tissues and bones. Folic Acid will prevent neural tube birth defects while iron helps the red blood cells to carry oxygen to your baby. Some excellent foods to enjoy during pregnancy include the following: Whole Grains, like fortified breads and cereals are a good source of fiber, folic acid and iron; Beans, provide protein and fiber as well as other key nutrients and minerals; Salmon, is rich in Omega 3 fatty acids which are good for baby’s brain and eyes; Eggs, should be well cooked and provide protein, amino acids and a variety of vitamins and minerals; Berries, are packed with vitamin C, potassium, folate and fiber; and Low-fat plain Yoghurt which contains more calcium than milk.
- ARMSTRONG answered Some women do not realize that they are pregnant until quite a late stage, especially if they are used to having an irregular menstrual cycle. Usually the first signal would be when you miss your monthly period. Besides that you would start to feel certain physical changes taking place in your body. The nipples often become tender and swollen. You may also start to feel very nauseous and perhaps vomiting too, and suddenly you can’t face certain foods or smells. If you suspect that you might be pregnant it is good to confirm it with a pregnancy test which you can buy from most pharmacies. It is also good to visit your doctor who will be able to tell you how best to care for yourself and your unborn child while you are pregnant.
- ARMSTRONG answered Financial matters often cause a lot of tension in a marriage so it is great that you are seeking advice. It is important that you talk about your finances together and be completely open about all your assets, income, expenses and debts. Discuss your financial goals and dreams for the future and set new goals together. It is good to work out a budget that will satisfy both of you. Designate one of you to be the bill payer, and set aside a specific time to have a “money meeting” where you can discuss the bills, perhaps weekly, bi-weekly or monthly. Some couples find it helpful to set a minimum threshold for expenses which need to be discussed. For example, you would not buy something over $100 without talking to your spouse first.
- ARMSTRONG answered Well done for taking this important decision to get married! The fact that you are asking for some tips for a happy married life is great too. It shows that you are willing to learn and that is something you should never loose. All of life is about learning, and this is especially true in marriage. Be open and willing to learn from each other. Let every day be an opportunity to learn something new about your beloved, to find a new way to make him or her smile, and to listen carefully to what he or she is saying. Don’t be discouraged if you make mistakes, keep on trying and give yourselves time to let your marriage mature like a valuable bottle of wine.
- ARMSTRONG answered This is a great question that you are asking and it shows that you are a caring husband who wants to help his wife. When she is feeling down or unhappy she may just want you to hold her and reassure her of your love. She may want to talk and tell you everything that is on her heart, in which case your listening ear will go a long way to making her feel better, by the mere fact that she has been heard. Please don’t try to “fix” her and “jolly” her along and tell her what to do. She needs to know that it is safe to be sad with you, and that you will be kind, gentle and understanding with her while she works through whatever is worrying her.
- ARMSTRONG answered So you have decided to have a baby – that is great! Of course you know that you should not use any contraceptive measures and will need to have intercourse on the specific days of your cycle when you are fertile. If you are not exactly sure which days these are, it is best to make love as often as possible, at least every second day, or three times per week. Besides this, keep your body as healthy as possible, eating a balanced diet with plenty of fresh vegetables and fruit. Get enough exercise and enough sleep. And don’t drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes or take drugs.
- ARMSTRONG answered Tying the knot can be a terrifying step to take, but it can also be the start of a long, fruitful and blessed adventure together as husband and wife. As with anything worthwhile in life, you need to be prepared for the normal ups and downs. There may well be some days when it does not feel like a “happy” marriage, and this is perfectly normal. Those challenges will come so that you can learn from each other and you can persevere through your struggles together. Let the problems draw you closer together as you realize that neither one of you is perfect and that is why you are getting married, so that you can be there for each other.
- ARMSTRONG answered Your rights when you file for a divorce would depend largely on the type of marriage contract you have. Basically there are two types of marriage contract: Community of Property (COP) or Antenuptial Contract (ANC). With a COP contract, you are entitled to half of all the assets, money and belongings. Each spouse gets an equal share. With an ANC contract, each spouse retains his or her separate property. There is also an accrual system regarding the amount by which the spouses’ joint wealth has increased over the period of marriage. At divorce the spouse with the smaller accrual can claim half of the difference between the two amounts. Other rights in a divorce would include custody or visiting rights of any minor children, as well as the maintenance fees for children. These rights may vary from country to country.
- ARMSTRONG answered Divorce is a huge decision for anyone to take, and having a divorce guide could indeed prove very helpful. When it comes to taking decisions regarding the divorce, it is not usually an easy or simple matter as there are often many conflicting factors to weigh up and consider. Many times it comes down to deciding between the least painful of many painful options. At a time like this, having a divorce guide for men could serve a purpose in explaining the various options, as well as the implications which each option would entail, thus enabling you to make a more informed decision.
- ARMSTRONG answered If you are looking for help from an expert regarding your chances of getting pregnant, it would be best to see a gynaecologist. You may need to visit your family doctor first in order to get a referral; otherwise you could make the appointment yourself. The gynaecologist would do a thorough check and let you know if there are any fertility issues or any areas of concern with your reproductive system. It is good if you and your partner can both be checked together. Once you have the green light from your gynaecologist, then it should be a matter of course until you fall pregnant, provided you are not taking any contraceptives and you have intercourse regularly, at least three times per week.
- ARMSTRONG answered Some of the best proposal ideas out there include the following list. Make a trail of candles in the dark leading to a circle of votives around the ring. Fill a favorite room with the best photos of memories of your relationship with one of an engagement ring. Add a custom proposal song to her “go to” playlist. Ask to play scrabble then when the moment is right spell out “Marry me?” or do this within a custom jigsaw puzzle with your picture and these same words. Or, sneak into her office in the morning before she gets there and write out the proposal on her desk or wall board.
- ARMSTRONG answered Ask your partner what his or her favorite topic to talk about is. Ask whether he or she is a person who likes to initiate conversation most of the time or be asked the questions first. Another question to ask is if she or he is the person who wants the partner to assume that he or she will automatically speak when there’s something to be said or prefers to be asked. Ask your partner how he or she feels most loved out of the five different love languages. Ask him or her how an apology is best received whether it be verbally or by affection or both. Ask what the best thing to do is when he or she gets angry.
- ARMSTRONG answered A relationship can be so complicated because it means that each person in the relationship has to each give their all into it. This means that each independently has to let go of their own agendas, ideas, desires, selfish pursuits to a degree to put the partner before themselves. This is not an easy task for anyone. A relationship is limited in the closeness and intimacy that can be gained without this type of heart from each contributing partner in it. A relationship is the giving equally to each other in mind and heart and can be complicated when one holds on to too much.
- ARMSTRONG answered The first step to saving a relationship from a break up is to have honest and real conversations full of humility and vulnerability. Get everything out in the open without holding anything back. Most of the time it helps to have someone else to help you do this so you can stay focused. Remember to connect to your partner and that relationship is about compromising and letting go of yourself and what you want for yourself. It’s about putting your partner first and giving him or her your full heart and love. If you show your partner genuinely how much you truly nvalue him or her you on a path to staying together.
- ARMSTRONG answered Common relationship problems can range from small ones to large ones. Most relationship problems are related to communication. Either one partner communicates too much and the other too little or they both don’t communicate enough. They can be related to finances, time spent together, kids, life decisions, and many other things, but if you look at the root of all of these things, it’s mostly always a breakdown in communication. Other relationship problems can include criticism, judgment, difference of values and beliefs, one person shutting down, someone becoming defensive, or just someone not feeling truly accepted and cherished.
- ARMSTRONG answered One of the best ways to help a relationship from falling apart is to let others in to see it and provide you feedback. Ask for help from another couple close to the both of you together. It’s not a good idea to ask one that you both don’t share the same comfort level with. Share openly and honestly with them without holding back and let them see your true colors together. Then let them in to being able to give you advice and help support you. Let them know that you want them to help hold you accountable to any agreements you make with your partner during the time you are all together.
- ARMSTRONG answered First off, ideas can be given, but search your heart, well actually search the heart of your partner and dig deep within to seek what will help her to feel the most loved. What does your partner really enjoy and love? How does she spend her time? What was her favorite time so far in her relationship with you? Her favorite food? Her favorite date? This is the best place to start to find the perfect proposal for your unique relationship with your partner. Then from there if you need more help, ask. Start with asking her closest friends for ideas and then beyond.
- ARMSTRONG answered There are so many unique ideas to find out there but what does your girlfriend like? What are her favorite things? Start there and then build. Some possible ideas include: putting a ring around the collar of your pet or even your own neck on a chain and wait till she figures it out; written on the bottom of her cup of morning coffee or on top of foam on a latte; go to a fun photo booth and ask her in the midst of catching the moments; hide it written inside a valentine gift; playing connect four or checkers lining up tiles with letters for “Marry me?” written on them; or with a s’more with the ring in the marshmallow in-between.
- ARMSTRONG answered The best piece of information for a woman to hold onto in a relationship is that her partner does not think in the same way as her, and even more so, does not feel the same way about things, or sometimes doesn’t connect with his feelings much at all. Women and men are very different and in some relationships the woman can tend to think that they should be more the same. Honor and respect your man in the way he deserves. Have expectations out of love for him but not because you aren’t accepting him for who he is. Remember, you are one choosing this.
- ARMSTRONG answered The best way to meet someone new is to find an apparent common interest and then approach them initiating a conversation about it. From there, get her or him to talk by asking a lot of questions. Offer relevant information about yourself, but most importantly help them to feel that you are genuinely interested in them and a friendship. Usually you will know pretty quickly if you are meant to be friends. Most people who end up being close in the end, start off clicking well from the get go and conversation flows naturally. But the number one thing is showing your interest in who they really are.