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Asked by Last Updated:

My wife says she doesn't know how she feels about us anymore

My wife and I have been married for 7 years.
Have 2 kids.
She has told me before that i need to try harder, which I do for awhile and then slack off again.
I admit that I could have always been doing more.
I also have a lot if anger issues, which I have never take out on them, but sometimes carries over into our marriage and cause problems.
I am getting help for that now that I see what it is doing to use.
However, about 2 weeks ago, I just started to realize that she doesn't kiss me anymore, hug me, say I love you, put her arm around me as we go to sleep, nothing.
So I confronted her about this and I was smacked in the face with an answer I didn't expect (even though I should have seen it coming, I'm not the brightest husband in the world).
She said she has been thinking about leaving.
She has been talking with her friends and family about this for awhile and she doesn't know how she feels anymore about our marriage or if she can forgive what I've done.
To clarify this, it's me not doing things with her, like date nights, going out with friends etc, because I literally have gotten to the point that leaving the house gives me anxiety and makes me want to confront anyone that rubs me the wrong way (again, I'm getting help for this ).
Also, my outbursts when something doesn't go right, like I lose my car keys and get more than frustrated, yelling and the like (not at the family, just in general that I have lost them).
Now I know I am not the easiest person to live with, but I do things that I think are gestures that show I love and care about her, but apparently they are not the right ones.
Examples are: surprising her for lunch at work, flowers just because, unsolicited foot rubs and back rubs, clean the whole house myself to name a few.
Now I will admit that these are far and few between and I know that is part of the problem.
That is probably enough back story on us, so back to the last few weeks.
When I saw her face after I asked if she was thinking about leaving me, it killed me.
Like literally shattered me.
She said she wasn't going to leave, but has been talking about it with her close friends and exploring her options.
She doesn't know how she feels and doesn't know what she wants to do anymore, she just wants to be happy again.
I asked her if we can get help and start counseling or something and she said she doesn't know if it's too late or not and needs time.
After that conversation I couldn't take it, I left, got drunk beyond anything I've ever been before.
Put a gun in my mouth and prepared to end it.
Right before that, she called and I decided to answer it and I don't really remember much after that.
I've never felt anything like that before and I've never wanted to kill myself before.
Ive always thought people who try to hurt themselves were weak or sick.
No I know that neither are true for every person who does it.
I understand now how someone can get to such a dark place.
But anyway … I don't blame her for what she said next, which is that she doesn't want to tell me how she feels anymore for fear of what I might do to myself.
I told her that she needs to figure things out for her and that it's not fair to her to worry about me and stay because of what I might do, even though I unintentionally put her in that position.
Everything is beyond messed up and I am so lost.
I am reaching out everywhere I can for help.

1 Answers

Ladybos Answered:

I maar sorry to hear your pain. Promise her (and yourself) you Will not kill yourself in a spur of the moment kinda thing. It is OK to feel deeply depressed. But if you can wait until ‘tomorrow’ at least she will not have to worry about you doing something stupid, fight for your marriage, for your kids. Get help for your feelings of anger, depression. Maybe you need anti-depressants, talk to your doctor. Get couples counseling, it really works. She says she thinks it might be too late but waiting will only make it later. Go now. If you are not able to leave the house, do date nights at home. Maybe the kids can stay over at friends or grandparents. Run her a bath, cook some dinner, watch a movie together on the couch with some drinks and nibbles. Make time to talk to each other, one on one, no kids around. Ask her what you can do for her to improve the marriage and try to do this.

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