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Asked by Last Updated:

Is it wrong of me to tell my husband to keep our private patio private?

This is my first time using a site like this, but I want to hear opinions.
Honest opinions.
We bought a house five months ago.
We have two children 1 and 4 years old.
Our neighbors have a 2 year old and they are expecting their second.
We get along with our neighbors, and our children play, we had a couple of dinners together, but I do like to hang out with people in small doses.
My husband on the other hand would like to have every single door open so they can have access to our house 24/7 (not really, but he is very welcoming and cannot ever say no to outside people).
The next door couple, specially the wife, likes to hang out a lot and just drop by anytime.
I work full time and go to school full time.
I am extremely busy, but I am friendly and nice.
I have communicated to my next door neighbors about my schedule so they know I am a busy mom.
Last weekend, my neighbor (the wife) texted me: "I was wondering why your garage door has been shut" I did not like the text, but I did not text back, I called instead, simply because I know people interpret text messages the wrong way and I did not want to sound rude.
I told her to please not to take it personal if I shut my garage door, but I sometimes need to stay in with my kids, plus I am busy etc.
(don't know why I was even explaining this to her as it is my house and I can do whatever I want in my house) she then told me that I did not have to explain (so why on earth are you texting me that!) Anyhow, after the text incident I have been a bit distant because I feel that if I let them in a little too much, they can just assume it is ok to show up any time they want.
I simply want to get along without overwhelming each other.
This is the issue: the house has two fences, which separates us from both neighbors - one on each side.
The problem is that the wooded fences have access doors that you can permanently lock or not.
My husband, without running it by me, opened this access door so now they can jump into my backyard or we can jump into their backyard (obviously I would never jump into theirs).
I got home from work one night and found the door wide open and my husband talking with the neighbor (the wife), and the kids running back and forth.
I totally disagree with this.
I communicated this to my husband, but he does not seem to care.
My neighbor finally crossed over my patio to grabbed her daughter and I told her that the door should be kept closed – anyone heard the saying “good fences make good neighbors” HELLO! she then replied, "well, your husband and I discussed and I wasn't sure etc.
" so I told her that I was not happy I was left out of "their meeting regarding the access door", now I know this interaction/exchange was not ideal with a neighbor, but she has been texting my husband a lot, even more than me(one time she texted my husband how come he was home on a day he was supposed to be at work and asked if "he was sick or something" (none of her business) – btw I am not worry about cheating etc.
trust me! That is not the issue at al – she is just to a bit intrusive I guess, I don't even know what word to use to describe her.
There are obviously big differences between my husband’s ideal relationship with our neighbors and mine, and that is something I need to address with him.
I also told my husband they are welcome through the garage door or the front door, I never said they were not welcome, but not the backyard door, which has a giant glass door with a view to my entire house.
  My husband told me I was an antisocial, and that I was overeating.
Please give me your honest opinion about this – do you think having access like that crosses the line, or should I let it go.
By now, the neighbor probably hates me, but my needs/preferences are my priority and my house is my castle and my sanctuary whether she likes it or not! By the way, my husband works full time as well so we both are really busy people.
What do you think? Thank you all.

1 Answers

Ladybos Answered:

I’m on your side. You should not feel uncomfortable in your house because a neighbour, no matter how friendly, can walk in. Maybe you can ask her to send you a text before coming over (since she seems to love texting so much) to ask you if it is a good moment to come over. Since you have such a busy life being at home doesn’t automatically mean you have time to entertain her. That way, you won’t have to argue about doors being shut or anything, and you will at least get notice when she comes and can let her know when it’s not a good time for you. Whether that be because you are in your yammies watching Netflix and just don’t want to socialize or whether it’s because you are truly busy is none of her business. If this won’t work, you will need to sit down and have a serious talk with your husband. He might have less of a need for privacy, which is fine when he is home alone but it’s your house too. Also, you say you are not worried about cheating, but if she is texting him more than you, I would keep an eye out.

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