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Asked by Last Updated:

Marriage crumbling...what can I do??

A quick background my wife and I were married in our early 20's and we were not emotionally mature enough to get married back then.
Now that we are almost 40, we have obviously grown and actually amicably agree that we were too young to get married and are not a great match.
We have struggled over the years like any couple, but the last year or two we have grown further apart.
I constantly work on improving myself - at home, at work and in parenting - all parts of my life.
I have been doing that for the last few years - enough to realize that my wife is not leading a healthy life (emotionally, mentally or physically) and continues to spiral downward.
At night, she closes herself in her room and watches Korean TV shows because she says "western civilization" TV is trash.
After getting married at a young age and starting our own lives, I think we are both reverting back to how we were raised.
My parents exercise, work on growing their careers, and were great parents.
Her parents have never really had a steady job, don't acknowledge their adult responsibilities and act like they know more and are smarter than other people.
She says that she really did not like her childhood.
I had a great childhood and want to give my boys the same.
I am seeing her parents coming through in her personality now more than ever and it is really scaring me.
She was not like this at all when we were dating and first married.
This is all translating into how we parent our 2 kids, which is the main reason we have stayed together this long.
My wife is a school teacher, so she and the kids get home about 2 hrs before me.
I found out the other day that she does not look over their homework, help them study for tests or prepare for the next day at school.
Our kids are 10 and 12 years old and the older one has a fairly severe case of ADD! I was shocked to see the lack of involvment on her part and am very scared for our boy's future.
Along with that, I do the housework about 75% of the time as well as making sure the kids have all of their stuff for soccer, baking cookies for the church event, etc.
I don't mind doing these things, but sometimes there aren't enough hours in the day and I have a little bit of resentment because of it.
Our lines of communication are closed off so much, I cannot talk to her about any of this without her blowing up.
Really the only things we talk about are safe topics where there is no potential for disagreement (which is becoming few and far between).
All that being said, there have been some events in our relationship that have proved to me that I truly love her deep down.
I hate that we have ended up here and would love to fix what is left, but she is so unresonable about it whenever I bring up anything, she refuses to see a counselor or even talk about our issues.
Where do I go from here? I really don't want this to end in divorce, but I cannot fix it by myself.

1 Answers

Xena69 Answered:

Yes. You both need to see a marriage counsel. If you want to save your marriage. Dont take Nofor a answer. Just make the appointment. It does help. If not a marriage counsel then a psycologist for both of you. Good luck to you. I hope you fix your marriage. Zena69

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