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Asked by Last Updated:

Do I let go or do I keep fighting for our marriage?

I have been married to him for 7 and a half years now, it will be 8 years this July.
My husband has given me everything from the start he made sure to stay faithful, provide for our family, and gives me anything that  I ask for after our 1 year of marriage, I broke my vows and cheated on him he ended up staying overnight in jail for some time off 3 years after, I did it again but he still kept me and loved me unconditionally but then I noticed that the respect was not there anymore every time we would fight, he would call me all the nastiest names you can think of.
Since I am a stay at home mother of 3, he made sure to call me a "freeloading b****" all the time when we fight.
He says I am nothing but a "leech".
Just recently, last year, I did it again but this time it was with a female then just recently he started doing meth the verbal abuse I can take, but the physical started he ended going to jail this time I did not press any charges because he is the father of my kids and I still hoped that our marriage will be better as soon as he got out of jail, he said he wanted to start over fresh.
but then, now he is just going crazy every day at me one day we will be okay then the next he would turn 360 on me He has been so obsessing at the girl I cheated on him with when I say obsess, what I mean is he thinks that I am hiding her inside the house and that I have a button that I click to let her know that he had left the house he hears footsteps and runs upstairs and tell me that "You better tell your B***** that if I catch her shes dead!" he thinks that she jumped out of our window and ran I know that I did him wrong and lied to him multiple times and I understand if he does not believe any word I say anymore.
 I just don't know what to do anymore he follows me everywhere even in the bathroom he lost his job because he kept trying to "catch" me and her in action.
He even has cameras without my knowledge laying around the house that I found and just last night, I was asleep, he starts poking me and feeling on my thighs and tells me that I am vibrating like no other he asked to check me if I have a vibrator inside me and today, he asked me and the kids to go to the other room because he wants to slash open our mattress to see and check if the girl is there I told him to stop with the drugs because obviously he cannot handle it but he is so sure that I am still seeing her and having a sexual relationship with her I am completely lost and I don't know what to do anymore.
I am still holding on because I love him and I want to help him get through this, all I can do is pray and pray every day, this is not normal anymore.
when we fight, he takes and destroys my stuff he says that he paid for it and nothing in the house belongs to me and that I have never paid a single dime with anything I feel so worthless he even says all these stuff in front of our kids and our kids are just 7,3, and 1 I just needed to get this off my chest.
I need advice I need words of encouragement because day by day, I just cant and my kids are what's making me strong right now

2 Answers

Tawnee Answered:

But I have to also include that you are the wrong one in cheating on him. Maybe if you did not cheat, the marriage would not go in a downward spiral hill....


Replied on Sep 07, 2020

Yes, I know I am at fault.
I betrayed him and lied to him many times.
I have tried to reach out to him to get counseling but his pride and ego are way too high.
I have gone and got us divorce paper but I don’t have it in me to fill them out and filing it.
I just don’t know anymore.

Tawnee Answered:

Sorry that you have to go through this. It seems like a very toxic relationship. Please get out of there as soon as you can. Have you tried couple theraphy first, by the way? Maybe reassure him first that you are loyal to him. I think he is also just afraid of losing you too and in the end, he is suffering for it.

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