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Asked by Last Updated:

How to deal with a lying or perhaps a cheating husband for the second time

I recently found out that my husband's ex-girl friend who he had a brief affair with (non physical) in 2012-2013 is back in touch with him via a text message that I happened to find on his phone.
I had confronted her via email and my husband directly when I first found out about their relationship and made them put an end to it.
And we moved on with our marriage.
All these years since then I was under the impression that they have cut off ties completely and I did not find any clues or inclinations to think they are connected in any way.
But this new sudden text message has raised many doubts/ questions in my mind again and I'm not sure what's going on and how to handle this all over again.
Please advise.

1 Answers

Alice Answered:

You have every right to question your husband's behavior. Clearly, they shared a deep, emotional connection that crossed the line in the past. You let him know how this hurts you and affected your marriage and all these years later he's at it again.
Whether their interactions are innocent or not, he already knows that this behavior hurts you and is following through with it regardless.
I would sit down and have a serious conversation with him about the future of your marriage. Explain to him why this hurts you. Tell him that it makes you:
• Feel unloved
• Question his loyalty
• Creates sexual barriers between the two of you
• Not trust him
After discussing these things calmly, ask him how he would feel and what he would do if the situation were reversed and it was YOU who was interacting in secret with your ex?
There's a great article about what to do when your husband is lying and possibly cheating in a relationship that I think applies pretty well here. You can read it here: https://www.marriage.com/advice/infidelity/forgive-your-husband-for-cheating/
Good luck.

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