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Asked by Last Updated:

Need advice— can this marriage be repaired?

There is SO much for me to explain here, but I will shorten it as best as possible.
I’m just wanting whoever reads this to get a very accurate picture of the relationship, so you can give best advice, etc.
Im 32, husband is 35.
We started dating 10 years ago, and I got pregnant (it was a surprise), and we ended up getting married when our daughter was about 2 years old.
We have always had a terrible relationship from the beginning, but we stayed together for our daughter.
Over the past couple years, there has been less arguing and fighting, but I think it’s only because I have kept my mouth shut about more things , instead of confronting my husband when he lies, etc.
I’ve just learned it’s not worth it.
My husband tries to “spoil” me in some ways, buying me nice rings, will let me take a vacation with my mom to get alone time, etc.
 but I feel like it’s because he feels so guilty about the way he is the rest of the time.
Starting at the beginning: after we had our first daughter - before we were married (we have 2 daughters now) My husband guilted me into having sex just a few weeks after her birth.
I had stitches from a 3rd degree episiotomy, and was not ready, but he was angry with me over an argument, and told me he would only get over it if I slept with him.
I did it.
And low and behold, the next day he was still mad at me about the fight.
This is something that has bothered me all these years, he has apologized, but I feel it was terrible and hard for me to get over.
My husband lies a LOT.
He has sworn to me over the years that he would quit dipping, and I have caught him doing it about 5 times over the years.
He is doing it on a regular basis whenever I catch him, and he lies to my face about it until I have proof.
He has lied to me about taking prescription medicine— Adderall.
I hate how it makes him act, but he got a prescription from his dr, and I caught him crushing and eating the pills for a faster high.
He has since quit the crushing, but he still won’t stop taking the medication.
He lied to me about getting pulled over while drinking.
I knew he got pulled over, but he told me he hadn’t been drinking.
I found a paper stating he was, and that the police officer just let him go home because he was so close (I don’t know how my husband talked his way out of that- but he blew a .
16 and was allowed to leave and drive home).
Once I catch him in the lie, where he knows there is no way out, he will admit to it all, but before that, he lies to my face.
3 of these occurrences were in the last year.
Of course he now swears he will change because he doesn’t want me to leave him, but I am fed up.
I don’t know if I will ever trust him.
And, he won’t let me question him about anything without getting VERY hostile about it.
I just feel like I’m going crazy here and I need advice.
Thank you!!!

1 Answers

Rosy Andrews Answered:

Oh boy! I'm really sorry you're dealing with all of this. Having a spouse who lies is one of the most frustrating things that can happen in your marriage. It also sounds like your husband is struggling with addiction.
I highly suggest you seek out marriage counseling (i recommend visiting Marriage.com to find a therapist in your area, found here if you're interested: https://www.marriage.com/experts/)
Counseling will help you both learn how to communicate in a healthy way and get to the bottom of his constant lying. If your husband is serious about saving your marriage, you should insist that he get some kind of treatment for his prescription addiction, otherwise, the home may not be a mentally/emotionally safe environment for your daughters.
I hope that helps!

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