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Asked by Last Updated:

Her selflessness makes me selfish?

My husband and I have been trying to have children for years, and it never works for us.
I have lost four pregnancies,the furthest making it to 13 weeks.
Recently, a family member of his stepped forward and said she had been doing research and would like to offer to carry a baby for us.
It would be mine and his, she would just be a surrogate, no strings attached.
I am not finding myself open to the idea, and yet when I start to bring up my discomfort, I get told all these wonderful things about her.
"She's so selfless to offer", "She doesn't have to do this, you know", "She's giving up a lot herself to offer".
She has a high paying job, is very successful, very work driven.
I understand what people mean, even if it feels like an insult to myself when they say it.
I don't disagree she would be giving up a lot to carry a baby for us, but the thing is,I never asked her to.
 She offered, and I want to say no.
 I just feel stepped on whenever I try.
It's a kindness, yes, and not one to be offered lightly.
 It's just not what I want, or how I want a child.
 Does that truly make me such a monster?

1 Answers

Ted1234 Answered:

You need to know if this person is genuinely interested in helping you (without any strings attached). And if that is the case, you should next think about the possible complications this set up could involve. If everything seems sorted out, try to reason yourself if you are being too demanding or unreasonable. In such cases, we are the best people to guide ourselves.

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